Tag Archives: cobra

May 17 2024

G. I. JOE Classified Cobra HISS Techno-Viper & Heetseek Missile System by Hasbro

Well, we all knew this was coming! When the HasLab HISS arrived I had fun speculating over that little tow hitch on the back and how long it would be before we got something to tow around with it. And here we are less than six months later and Hasbro delivered with the Cobra HMS! This mobile missile system is based off of the 1985 Sears Exclusive mobile missile platform that was towed by a red HISS. Of course, that toy in turn was a repaint of the original 1982 Mobile Missile System, which was part of GI JOE’s arsenal and towed around by the VAMP. But, the direct lineage can be traced back to the 2009 Rise of Cobra release of the Heetseek Missile System, a repaint and retool of the previously mentioned toys. I never owned Cobra’s version of this weapon system, and I was eager to make my HasLab HISS even more formidable, so picking up this one was a no-brainer for me!

The HMS comes in a box designed to match the one used for the Classified HISS with more of that bitchin red and black deco that makes it look like you’re viewing the art through a Virtual Gameboy screen, only without the crippling headaches and nausea. In addition to the weapon platform you also get a Techno-Viper repainted to match the deco of the figures that make up the HISS support teams, which reminds me I still need to review that HISS Fire Team set! And speaking of things I haven’t reviewed yet, I’m in a sticky situation here, because I have yet to check out the regular release Classified Techno-Viper here, and I don’t usually like to review repaints before the originals, but I’m going to have to let that slide here. So, I’ll just be treating the Techno-Viper like a brand new figure, and I’ll do comparisons when I get around to looking at the single boxed release. So, let’s start with the figure!

The original RAH Techno-Viper was released in 1988. I was a few years out of JOEs by then and he wasn’t in the cartoon, so I didn’t know these guys even existed until I returned to GI JOE as an adult collector. And that’s a shame, because I love the concept behind these fellas. These are fully combat-trained Vipers, capable of fighting their way through the battle lines to ask if you if you’ve tried turning off your weapons platform and turning it back on again. I kid, but it makes perfect sense to have these guys capable of on-site repairs of everything from HISS Tanks to Weather Dominators. And of course, I’m sure this guy is well versed in HEETSEEK Missile Systems. This is a straight repaint of the single release and I think he looks great in the gray, black, and red color scheme Classified has adopted for the HISS crew, particularly with the silver hoses and trim.

And oh boy do I love this helmet design! It’s got a little bit of Stormtrooper-Cylon vibe going on, but manages to be all its own thing at the same time. I dig how deep set the eye lenses are in the mask and the way the helmet and mask are all layered. It looks like the visor piece is designed to be removed and it all adds a lot of depth and credibility to the head sculpt.

The backpack is quite similar to the original RAH design. It has a pair of red tanks up top, containing who knows what. The lower half is designed to hold three repair tools, which simply slot in. There’s a grab bar on the bottom, which can also be used to secure the rifle by the handle, although I don’t think that’s intentional, rather just a place you can tuck it. The included hose can be attached to either of the pegs on top of the tanks with the other end pegging into either the rifle or any of the other tools. Frankly, I don’t understand what’s going on with this system of tanks and hoses. Why could you possibly need to connect spanners to the same tank as a rifle, and what’s any of it for? Don’t know, but it looks cool!

The rifle is an interesting sci-fi design with a prominent scope and a skeletal stock. There’s a hole in the barrel to take a blast effect part, if you have some lying around, although I have no idea what it’s supposed to shoot. Lasers would be my guess. The hose could use a little more slack to work with as some poses with the rifle will cause the hose to come unplugged and that can’t be good, because I’m guessing it needs that to fire.

As for the spanners, there are two claw-like wrenches and a hammer. These are no doubt used for the fine, precision work needed to keep Cobra’s equipment running well. Banging things with a hammer usually works! They look like they would be equally useful for taking swings at JOEs.

The Techno-Viper also packs an automatic pistol. It’s an interesting design that looks plausible with just a bit of sci-fi flavor. The detail in the sculpt is excellent and it looks like it’s got some optics mounted below the barrel. And like the rifle, it has a socket in the barrel for blast effects. The sidearm has a home in the holster strapped to the Techno-Viper’s left leg.

And the final accessory is a holographic readout that plugs into either of his wrist computers. The piece is cast in translucent orange plastic and has some schematics and information sculpted into it. It reminds me a bit of the holographic images that The Four Horsemen have been releasing with their Cosmic Legions figures. It’s a neat idea and well implemented here. All in all, this is a great figure, but do I like it better than the regular release? Well, I’ll reserve judgement until I get to do a proper comparison. Hopefully in the near future. Now, onto the HEETSEEK Missile System…

Here is the HMS with the stabilizers down and ready to fire! The four legs lock into place and hold the platform with the wheels suspended off the ground. In addition to a lot of great sculpted detail, the HMS is absolutely littered with cool markings, stenciled warning labels and general information. The missile cradle can rotate 360-degrees and elevate to adjust the targeting range.

And holy crap, these missiles are absolutely huge! And yes, the curious spelling of HEETSEEK is pulled directly off of the vintage toy release. These red bringers of destruction have white lettering on the sides, along with a black Cobra emblem near the tip. The missiles tab onto the cradle and remain secure, but can be removed and hurled across the room at that approaching VAMP. There are sockets in the back of the missiles for effect parts, and I really wish some smoke trails were included with these as it would have added a lot more value to the set.

There is an access panel on the side of the platform that can be removed to access the programming and launching console. On the original toys, this was a remote pedestal with a cable that connected it to the platform. I guess it’s more convenient to have it integrated into the platform itself, but considering the price of the set, it would have been nice to get an optional remote console as well.

The hitch folds up into the platform, but still has the connection bar hanging out. It seems like there could have been a way to make this retract all the way and be more flush with the device, but at least they added a little articulation to it so it’s not just hanging on the ground for people to trip over, because than you have to get the OSHA-Vipers on the scene and nobody wants that. If you are buying this as a stand alone piece, it definitely works for play or display all by itself. But, the real draw here is getting it all hooked up to the HISS. Unfortunately I don’t have a backdrop or lighting rig for something this big so I’m going to have to shoot these pictures in the Classified Room under less than ideal conditions.

Oh, hell yeah! And if this doesn’t look like enough obscene overkill, I might remind you that Classified HISS has rocket pack saddlebags that I don’t have installed at the moment. With the stabilizer legs flipped up and the HMS hitched up, the missile platform rolls along on it’s two wheels and pairs perfectly with the High Speed Sentry. The matching colors make this look like a natural extension of the HISS rather than an Add On. And setting it up to fire beside the HISS with a full compliment of HISS Crew makes for a great display.

I’m extremely happy with this set! It takes an already epic toy like the Classified HISS and adds even more wow-factor to it. Plus, I just love the idea of getting a Techno-Viper dedicated to HISS and HMS maintenance. It really rounds out that crew nicely. Personally, I think it really needed some firing effect parts for the back of the missiles and a pedestal console certainly would have been nice. I’ve seen a fair amount of complaints about the price on this set, which retailed at $79.99, but I don’t think the asking price is all that out of line, when you consider the Trouble Bubble and Ferret both retailed at $59.99. As with those sets, you get a figure and with the huge missiles, this beast definitely involves a lot more plastic than those other small vehicles. Is it $20 more? Well, that’s up to you. I will say that if the price on this one is goosed a bit, I have to imagine it’s because it’s really an accessory for an expensive vehicle that is no longer on the market and fewer collectors will own. I mean, it does display just fine on it’s own, but you’d be missing out on the connectivity feature, at least until the inevitable release of the Cobra Stinger. The HMS is a Pulse Exclusive and at the time I’m publishing this it is still available for purchase.

Dec 29 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Snow Serpent by Hasbro

It’s the last review of the year and final installment of my little Snow Joe Trilogy! I had originally hoped to get all these in before Christmas, but that clearly didn’t happen. But it’s still December and the wintery theme is still appropriate, so let’s do this! So far, I’ve checked out Snow Job and the Arctic BAT, and today we’re headed back into the icy tundra and having a look at Cobra’s predators of the winter wonderland: The Snow Serpent!

Like Snow Job, this guy is a Deluxe, which means he comes in a bigger box, costs more, and has a beefier inventory of accessories. The original Snow Serpents were released somewhere around 1985/86 and I was lucky enough to have one of these fellas to fight Snow Job. But he really just snuck in at the point where I stopped playing with toys a lo and very well may have been among the last GI JOE figures I got as a kid. I remember being really confused at how the filecard lumped these Serpents in with the Cobra Eels. I get that they’re both specialists, but it basically stated that Snow Serpents were just Eels with additional cold weather training. I quickly tossed out that idea. But I did like the fact that these guys were considered some of Cobra’s absolute elite troopers.

And here he is kitted out with most of his gear. Hasbro really played it close to the original figure on this one, and I’m loving it! The white fatigues are reinforced with sculpted fur around the neck, shoulders, and forearms with just a little yellow added to these to give the fur some natural color. The blue torso rig is blue with a T-7A style parachute pack across his front, and he has matching blue thigh rigs with holsters for his sidearms. There are insignia markings on both biceps and he has a pair of white removable snow shoes, which much to my surprise are different than the ones that came with Snow Job. This is a great looking figure and I expect the Real American Hero purists are going to love it! Or maybe they won’t. They can be a fickle lot.

The head sculpt also follows the original figure’s design beat for beat, but with a lot more detail. The helmet is white with silver caps over the ears. The black face mask has sculpted breather vents, and the goggles have a very vintage, almost WWII look about them, right down to the lovely orange rust spray around them. He also has a pair of blue tinted goggles, which can be worn up on top of the helmet, or pulled down over the goggles in the mask.

The Snow Serpent’s backpack may look familiar, and that’s because it’s a straight repaint of the one that came with Bazooka. This time it’s black frame with an off-white pouch. It has four slots to clip in the included bazooka rounds and there’s are two hooks on the bottom so he can store the bazooka across his butt. The bazooka is also the same one that came with David K. with some gray paint added to this mostly black tube of terror. The back piece can swivel open and you can load in the rounds. The bazooka is a stand in for the EK99 Anti-Tank missile that came with the original figure, which might irk some vintage fans, but I think it’s a great substitute and it even gives the Snow Serpent three more shots.

As for the rest of his ordinance, the Snow Serpent comes with a matched set of automatic pistols and a small combat knife. The pistols are nicely detailed, cast in all black, and have holes in the barrels for effect parts (not included). The knife is nothing special, and in what might be a Classified first, there is nowhere specific to store the knife on his person, unless you just want to tuck it into some of those thigh straps.

For something better than pistols and not as overstated as a bazooka round, the Snow Serpent has a fairly traditional looking AR-style rifle with a carry bar and a removable magazine. It’s a departure from the AK-style weapon of the original figure, but it’s a great sculpt and realistic looking, so I’m cool with that.

And we’re not done yet, because he also comes with this smaller grease gun-style sub-machine gun. It has a scope and a removable magazine and it reminds me of the weapons the Cobra troops often carried in the Sunbow cartoon, so naturally I love this one too! Like the pistols, both of these weapons have holes in the barrels to accommodate whatever effect parts you might have lying around.

If you want to give your Snow Serpents an upgraded look, Hasbro included a sculpted gray wolf pelt for some extra warmth and added intimidation factor. I can’t say I prefer this look, but it is a really nice option. The whole wolfy ensemble is made up of a head piece and a cape that pegs into the back and has the two front paws hanging over the shoulders. It’s kind of ghoulish for a Hasbro toy, but it looks really bad ass. There is a peg hole in the pelt so you could technically put the backpack on behind it, but it doesn’t work that well, but it makes sense that not every Snow Serpent would be toting a bazooka so if you have more than one, you can mix and match..

Finally, the Snow Serpent comes with a Cobra branded snowboard, and this is a really fun accessory. There are slots and pegs for the figure’s feet and he stays on it really well. There’s a raised Cobra emblem on the top and some digital camo and the Snow Serpent insignia on the back. Just imagine having five wolfman with sub-machine guns speed into your camp at the dead of night shouting COBRA! Holy shit!

Pretty much every Cobra army builder in Classified has been a direct hit for me, but I feel like these Snow Serpents raise the bar even a bit higher. Everything gels so perfectly to make this an incredibly fun figure. The selection of equipment is excellent, and the sheer amount of accessories certainly justifies the Deluxe price point. I picked up two of these, so I will be displaying one with the wolf pelt and one kitted out with the bazooka. I’d love to get two more, but I’m really trying to be good about not doing any more army building. With this pair and the Arctic BAT patrolling the tundra, Snow Job is going to need some reinforcements. We need a Classified Frostbite, STAT, but that probably wouldn’t happen without a HasLab Snowcat. Count me in!

Dec 25 2023

G. I. JOE Classified (HasLab) Cobra HISS Tank by Hasbro, Part II

Merry Christmas everyone! If you didn’t check in yesterday, I kicked off a two-part look at the HasLab HISS on Christmas Eve. I like to try to celebrate Christmas by featuring a big toy or playset most years. You know, the kind that we would only have a chance of getting on that biggest of toy gifting days! I had a few contenders this year, but wound up pushing the HasLab HISS to the front of the line, because oh boy, I would have lost my little mind if I found something like this under the tree! In Part I, I covered the four included figures and today we’re going to tackle the HISS Tank itself. This big boi was a challenge to shoot, as I’m still working out the kinks on a bigger staging area, so apologies if the photos look rough. I’m going to start with some generalizations with the toy more or less straight out of the box, and then we’ll kit it out and take a tour around it!

First off, the HISS is suitably big without being obnoxiously huge, and the build quality is fantastic with only the act of attaching the canopy making me a little nervous. Just about everything about this toy and its features reflects careful thought and design. I’m also happy to report that the profile and general look of Cobra’s new Classified High Speed Sentry is as iconic as ever! There are few display options for the HISS, thanks to some of the mix-and-match parts, but when you take it out of the box and attach the guns and canopy, it’s extremely true to the original toy design, if that’s the look you’re going for. You get two options for the canopy: A simple clear one for that vintage look, and a modern one with red trim and opening gull-wing side hatches. These attach similarly to the way the vintage one did, by squeezing two nubs into the holes so pressure holds it in place and creates a hinge. There is no way I feel comfortable doing this more than once, so I decided to pick a canopy and stick with it, and I went with the modern one because I just think it looked cooler and more premium. It also makes it more convenient for the Driver to pay tolls and go pick up fast food at Drive-Thru windows. I’m not saying that you can’t safely swap these out without stressing or breaking the plastic, but I’m just not willing to try it.

The bulk of the toy is cast in black plastic with not a lot of paint on the main body, apart from some subtle black and gray striping. The bare plastic looks good, but it does tend to show finger prints here and there. You do get some dry brush weathering on the cannon, which looks like they have seen a lot of use. There is a sticker sheet included to customize the tank, but it also has all the markings it needs printed on it, so I won’t be messing with the stickers at all. The sculpted detail feels about right in line with the vintage toy with just a little more added for the bigger scale. These include panel lines, rivets, hatches, and the like. The front headlights and rear tail lights feature electronics, and I’ll take a look at those in a bit. The cannon turret rotates 360-degrees and uses the same tab-key system as the original toy, keeping it locked in until the tab lines up with the slot and then it will come out. One of my only nitpicks on this whole toy is that the turret doesn’t rotate as smoothly as I would have liked. The treads are rubber and do actually work, allowing for a pretty smooth roll. There is a folding tail hitch on the back, which will hopefully be used by a future SMS release, and oh boy is that going to look awesome!

And here’s a quick size comparison with one of the recent re-issued 3 3/4-inch scale HISS toys… Now, let’s start getting this thing ready for battle!

First off, you get two options for armor plating on the wheel assemblies. These plates peg in very easily and help to keep the damned JOEs from blowing holes in your wheels. The first gives you something closes to the original toy, but I’ll stick with the second more detailed one, as I’m going for the most modern look I can get. There’s some nice red paint on the vertical slats and some gray and light gray striping, as well as some more markings printed in blue and white. These look awesome!

You can also attach an extra armor plate on the turret between the cannon barrels, and this is another addition that I really love. I can’t imagine anyone enjoys sitting up there and getting shot at, so at least this shield adds some forward protection. It has some sculpted bolts and a raised cobra emblem, which looks great. It also helps that the Gunner is the smallest of the figures, so at least she presents the smallest target and can more easily hunker down behind that armor shield.

Hasbro has also included a pair of articulated miniguns to the sides of the gunning station. There are also optional ammo canisters for these, but I’m not crazy about the way they look and they make it even more busy in that turret, so I will leave them off. The miniguns can rotate as well as hinge up and down. It’s a lot of firepower for one person, so I’d like to think that the miniguns have some kind of autonomous motion tracking option, with the gunner taking control of them only when targets of opportunity get too close for the main cannon. Either way, giving the HISS some broadside and rear attacking capabilities is a wonderful upgrade! Just don’t shoot them behind you if you’ve got troops riding on the tailgate!

Another added bit of firepower is the chin gun. This whole assembly is beautifully detailed and plugs right into the socket under the nose of the tank. It’s a strong connection, but it is designed to be removed if you want to change things up. It has full rotation and can hinge up and down. There are some lovely paint details on this, including some red and silver accents and some metallic purple on the barrels to show a little stress from firing. You also get some crisp Cobra emblems printed on the sides. It’s another modern touch to the HISS that I will be keeping on all the time!

As I mentioned earlier, the modern cockpit has gullwing hatches that open on either side. It would be a tight fit to extract the figure through these, but in reality, I’m sure the Driver could scramble through them if the canopy malfunctioned and the Tank was about to blow.

The interior of the cockpit is phenomenal with a five-point harness that fastens with a peg behind the Cobra buckle. The seat cushions are textured, and there’s a control yoke on the right arm rest and a throttle on the left. The Driver fits in perfectly and the straps to the harness can pull out and feed back into the slots to help make it snug after he’s seated.

The detailed dashboard has light up screens, as well as a translucent Heads Up Display. You also get a cool light that floods the cabin in an eerie red glow. This is without a doubt one of the coolest cockpits for any vehicle that i own.

There’s a removable engine access cover just behind the cockpit so you can give the HISS a tune up between missions.

There are two access ladders that fold down from the sides to help the Gunner or Driver get into position. These are cast in red plastic and I love how they close and secure into the recessed compartments. There are also grab bars located at the top to help a figure hang on.

There are no pegs on the rear deck plate, but there is a railing up top, so you can still have some troops riding on the back. They stay put pretty well when gripping the rail. Two fit comfortably, and you could even squeeze in a third in pinch. That will come in handy when the set of HISS Fire Team figures arrives. Although, I can’t deny that the regular troops look best on the back. I remember as a kid how badly I wanted an extra Cobra Trooper so I could have a couple on the back of my HISS.

The back of the HISS has a fold down ramp to open up the interior for access to The Tactician’s area. Here, there’s a Cobra-themed seat and a weapons rack on the wall across from it. When you drop the boarding ramp, it triggers a red interior light. It’s admittedly pretty cramped quarters in there, but it’s still a great addition to the HISS design. While I do like the weapons rack, I think I would have preferred to get a computer and instrument bank on that wall, or better yet have an option between the two. But, I suppose the Tactician can use his wrist device for computing firing solutions and mapping waypoints and the like, so maybe it isn’t necessary.

If you want even more firepower on your HISS, Hasbro included a pair of six-pack missile launchers and these look absolutely brutal! There are two holes with flip up hatches on the sides of the HISS that these plug into. The individual missiles are removable, the launcher assembly can angle up or down, and even extend out when they are ready to fire. I love the way these things look, but I’m thinking these should be reserved as a load out for special missions. They definitely make for a great variant if you were lucky enough to get more than one of these babies.

The external electronics include light up headlamps with an array of red lights between the top lights and a projector between the bottom lights that paints a red Cobra emblem on the ground in front of the tank. You also get red tail lights on the back. A lot of times, I can take or leave electronic features in toys, and will usually advocate for leaving them out to control costs, but I have to admit that I really do enjoy most of the lighting features on the HISS. The headlamps are nice and bright and really give the toy a premium feel, as do the red tactical lights in the rear compartment and cockpit, and the light up dashboard. I thought the Cobra projection was kind of cheesy and, while it is admittedly a really neat effect, I haven’t really changed my mind on that.

Hasbro absolutely hit it out of the park with this release! It’s not the biggest vehicle to ship this year, as it’s still dwarfed by Super7’s Thundertank or McFarlane’s Batwing, but it is as big as it needs to be and it is just packed with great options and well executed features. What’s more, the build quality is superb and the electronics really enhance the toy rather than feel like a needless extra. This feels like a rugged and proper high end toy, rather than just an expensive display piece. I have had it parked on my coffee table since I got it and I find myself constantly playing around with it as I’m watching TV or listening to podcasts and music. It really is that much fun and all I can say is that if the Dragonfly turns out half as good, I may lose my damn mind when it arrives. Of course, all of this should be the case because at $300, this toy wasn’t cheap. And in case you can’t tell from my ramblings, I consider it money well spent. Especially if you factor in the four figures that would have run about $25 a pop at retail and the Cobra Commander is going for upward of $100 himself on the aftermarket. It would be cool if Hasbro could put together a stripped down budget version of this beauty at a retail-friendly price point. but I don’t see that happening.

And all that’s left is for me to wish you all a Merry Christmas and extend my warmest thanks for stopping by and spending a little bit of your holiday with me. I’ll be back on Wednesday and Friday with the last reviews of 2023 and then we can kick off the New Year on Monday. Be safe and be well!

Dec 24 2023

G. I. JOE Classified (HasLab) Cobra HISS Tank by Hasbro, Part I

It’s Christmas Eve and it’s time for my semi-annual “If-I-Have-Time-For-It” Super-Special Christmas Review. I like to squeeze these in on the years when time allows, and check out something extra big or cool or both. Growing up, Christmas for me was all about hoping to get that one big playset or toy vehicle that I could never have hoped to get any other time of the year. Yes, there were some toy wants out there that even outclassed a mere birthday. But on Christmas? Well, anything was possible on Christmas! And coincidentally, the HasLab Classified Cobra HISS Tank arrived a short while ago, and I knew I had to put this under the proverbial tree for this year’s Christmas Review. I’m breaking this review up into two parts, so today we’ll check out the figures that were included and tomorrow we’ll have a look at the HISS Tank itself.

To the unaware, HasLab is the moniker Hasbro uses for their big crowdfunded projects. These are solicited releases that are considered too big and expensive to get retail space. They show off the toy, set a price, and let you know how many backers they need to make it a reality. So, it’s basically a pre-order, but if not enough people pre-order it, then it doesn’t get made. It’s a bit controversial, as many will tell you that the second largest toy company in the world shouldn’t have to resort to these tactics. Maybe so, and I do reckon there are some sketchy things behind it, but if I see one I like, I back it. So far I’ve backed four: The Mandalorian Razor Crest, which I have not yet reviewed here, but someday. The giant Marvel Legends Galactus figure, this HISS Tank, and the GI JOE Dragonfly Helicopter, which is currently in production. The HISS comes in a big box to hold this 6-inch scale tank with some beautiful artwork on the box, and some assembly required for the HISS and all it’s parts. You also get a separate box inside which has the four individually packaged figures that were included with the project: Cobra Commander, The HISS Driver, The HISS Gunner, and The HISS Tactician. Let’s start with the Classic Cobra Commander…

Only not really, because I’m not going to open this guy just yet. Sorry, but I’m betting we are going to get a wide release variant and so for now I’m leaving him carded. We got a Classified version of Cobra Commander a while back, and it was a pretty good figure, but Hasbro decided to offer a more classic version of him for this HasLab project. For the record, I think that was an awful idea, because you shouldn’t bundle figures this important and desirable with expensive and limited vehicles and playsets. But, since they gave him the infamous Mickey Mouse misprint on his chest emblem, I would bet that we’re going to see him as a wide release with that emblem fixed, thus allowing this one to still be an exclusive and yet still allow the figure to be had by all. I’ll just say that the figure looks great, he has some cool accessories, and the card is magnificent. Hopefully we’ll get confirmation of a retail release before my willpower gives out and I tear this one open.

The HISS crew all come in fully enclosed boxes, numbered 99-101. While the boxes are similar to the regular Classified releases, the artwork is specialized to make them stand out as unique. You get the Cobra HISS logo at the top of each peg flap and a red tint to the lettering and artwork. The Tactician even has a Ron Rudat facsimile signature on the front, which is a pretty cool way to commemorate the 100th figure in the series. Rudat, of course, being a legendary designer who logged something like three decades at Hasbro before moving on to other things. Each figure comes in a cardboard tray with an illustrated back along with a cardboard foot locker containing their accessories sealed in a branded tissue bag. Let’s start with the Driver!

This guy is based very closely on the vintage figure that was bundled with the original Real American Hero HISS Tank, and he looks damn sharp! He dons familiar red fatigues with an armored chest and shoulder piece with a blue front shield and a bold silver Cobra emblem. This rig is actually worn by the figure with soft plastic straps holding it in place under his arms and across his back. The shoulder piece is painted with a rich and glossy red that stands out against the duller matte finish of the fatigues. He has a sculpted belt with some blue accents to the buckle, a molded holster strapped to his right thigh and some serious kicks in the form of thigh high armored boots. These have a chonky angular design and a high gloss black finish. The HISS Driver is probably the most iconic Cobra vehicle operator to me and this figure offers a fantastic update to that classic design.

The helmet really hasn’t changed much at all. It features the silver visor and featureless black faceplate. There’s a mohawk-like crest ridge on the top and an stylized snake head in the center. The generic and impersonal nature of the helmet always made this guy seem extra intimidating to me. The helmet has a lovely gloss finish, but the paint on the top edge of my figure’s visor could have been a bit sharper.

A new addition to the design is this cool control device on the right arm. It has a bit of a Fallout Pipboy kind of vibe with arrays of buttons and a display screen. I imagine it can be used for everything from communicating with the HISS crew to receiving data. How about a less useful addition…

Boxing gloves? The HISS Driver comes with a pair of fists, but these are enlarged and reinforced face punchers. I honestly don’t get these at all. Is it some reference that I’m missing? I don’t know, but it’s a weird thing to give a Tank Driver. I guess if his tank gets disabled he comes out swinging? Yeah, these are going into The Dreaded Tote of Forgotten Accessories. Regardless, articulation on this fella is right in line with what we’ve been seeing in Classified up to this point, even including crunches in the shoulders. His joints feel good and he’s fun to play with.

The HISS Driver comes with a standard automatic pistol as a sidearm. This trusty weapon has some great detail in the sculpt and it’s nice and compact. The barrel has a hole if you want to use some effect parts from other Classified releases, but there weren’t any included here.

He also includes this rather unique sub-machine gun. I’m not usually a big fan of these crazy modern gun designs, but this one is kind of cool. It has a rather large detachable magazine, a very short barrel, and a fixed bayonet, which is painted silver. On the downside, the design makes it really tough to get it into his hand, making me wish for something a bit more practical. But, minor quibbles about accessories aside, I’m pleased with what Hasbro did with this design. It pays homage to the vintage figure, while giving it a little shot of modernity. Not bad for a figure that’s going to spend most of his life in a cockpit. Next up… The Tactician!

I won’t spend nearly as much time on The Tactician, because he’s just a straight repaint of the HISS Driver right down to the accessories. The Tactician’s suit is mostly black with some red paint on the shoulders and the front panels of the lower boots. The belt is red and the Cobra emblem is red. The only thing left unchanged from the Driver is the helmet. I wasn’t really excited for this figure, but now that he’s in hand, I think he looks great, and it only occurred to me that his deco is such a close match for the HISS Tank itself, being mostly black with some red trim.

The pistol and rifle each have a lick of red paint to personalize them a bit, and yes he comes with boxing gloves too.

In my mind, The Tactician is just Cobra’s name for Tank Commander, so this guy will sit inside the bowels of the HISS and relay orders and run the show. Like the Driver he’s got one of those fancy wrist computers, so I’d like to think he can use that to receive new data, and bark his orders to the Driver and Gunner. The Driver will always be the iconic face of the HISS, but I love that Hasbro created this guy. Sure, the concept isn’t original, but he may be one of my favorite additions that Classified has made to Cobra canon.

And finally, we have The Gunner, who is basically a female version of The Driver with all the same beats on the uniform design, but in a slighter female build. As a result, you can interchange her with the official Driver if you want. As we’ll see tomorrow The Gunner fits fine in the cockpit, but it would be a bit more roomy for this lady. On the other hand, she makes for less of an easy target for GI JOE sharpshooters while she’s exposed up in that turret. I think the uniform translates well to this body and all the same wonderful sculpted details are present. She also shares the same articulation in the arms, including the shoulder crunches. It’s a nice surprise to have none of that single rotating hinge elbow nonsense here! The same wrist device is present here as well, so she can communicate with her teammates or work out firing solutions.

Unlike her peers, The Gunner gets a whole new head sculpt, and I’m not just talking a smaller lady head, but it has some subtle changes, including added detail to the face mask, which is interesting. Instead of being completely smooth, you get a defined stipe down the center in line with her nose and some angled vents on each side of where her mouth is. The forehead emblem is also angular here and she has sculpted disks over her ears. I’m not sure what purposes the variations serve on the female helmet, but it’s cool to get some additional detail in the sculpt.

The Gunner shares the same weapons as her two teammates, with the pistol and rifle being painted exactly the same as The Driver’s.

And yes, she even comes with the reinforced fists, which don’t look as enlarged as the ones included with the Driver and Tactician. They actually look like normal fists with a bit of reinforcement over the knuckles.

You want more guns? How about this kick ass tactical shotgun with a removable drum magazine! Damn, this thing is really sweet. You get some sharp sculpting on the rails and the foregrip, and the shells in the drum are individually painted. Very nice!

And we’re not done yet, because she also comes with a couple of melee weapons: An entrenching tool and a pick-axe-hammer and these are a bit of a poser to me. The entrenching tool kind of makes sense, as you might need to dig under the tank to repair the tread, but the hammer-pick-axe just looks like some kind of crazy Dreadnok weapon. Also, I’m not sure why there looks like a bite has been taken out of the shovel. Weird!

And that’s the HISS Tank crew and I must say I dig them a lot. The Driver is pretty much a perfect update to the vintage figure, which was always a favorite of mine. And doing the Gunner as basically just a female version of the same figure lets me swap her out as Driver if I want to change things up. I also like that the Tactician is repainted to set him apart from his subordinates, and the fact that his uniform color coordinates with the tank is both hilarious and awesome. The boxing gloves are pretty weird, as are the melee weapons, but I don’t hate them. Also, the choice to give The Gunner, the one unique sculpted figure in this set, all the extras wouldn’t have made much sense if these were individual retail releases, but as a group I guess it doesn’t matter. And now that we have the crew together, it’s time to get to sleep and see if Santa leaves them a big tank under the tree for them to crew!

Have a happy and peaceful Christmas Eve, everyone, and I hope to see you back here in the morning!

Dec 22 2023

G. I. JOE Classified Arctic B.A.T. by Hasbro

Well, if snowy battlefields haven’t gotten you into the Christmas spirit yet, you better get festive fast, because ready or not, it’s right around the corner. So welcome to the second stop in my snowy Yuletide GI JOE trifecta. This blizzard of military Christmas spirit started on Monday with a look at Snow Job, and today I’m having a look at Cobra’s specialized Arctic Battle Android Trooper. Because… the regular BATs get too cold when they go out in the snow? OK, maybe these are equipped with more anti-freeze and wear chains on their boots. Either way, let’s bundle up and check him out!

This is not the first appearance of an Arctic BAT here on FFZ, that honor went to this guy way back in 2015 as part of Hasbro’s 50th Anniversary line, so the idea of BATs specialized for Arctic conditions is not exactly new. I do indeed love me some Cobra BATs! They were introduced into the Sunbow cartoon to give the JOEs an enemy they could shoot and “kill” without any actual bloodshed because they are just machines. I dig the Classified BAT design a lot, and boy have I amassed a fair number of them! As a result, I pre-ordered a few of these new Arctic BATs from different retailers. One arrived before the others shipped, and that was sure lucky, because after getting this guy in hand, I promptly cancelled the rest. Read on and find out why this guy left me cold. Sorry…

So, the Arctic BAT is built off the same body as the regular BAT, and that’s fine. It makes sense as this is presumably just a tweaked variant and to be fair, Hasbro did a lot to personalize this figure. In addition to the suit being painted white, the boots are now gray with some snappy silver paint and you get more of that silver paint on the arms, which were left matte gray on the regular version. There are two thigh rigs added, one of which has an integral holster, there’s a new belt piece with some pouches, and you also get two new pieces of shoulder armor strapped around his biceps. The backpack is recycled from the regular BAT but cast in gray plastic now, and as we’ll see, it really serves no purpose here.

The stock head is similar to the regular BAT, but painted white and with a cool looking polarized shield as a visor. Oddly enough, it’s even advertised with printing on the side of the helmet. This sort of protection is usually to help against eye strain, so I’m not sure why the robot needs it. I guess UV-blocking screen would be helpful if the BAT is transmitting back video or pictures in order to improve their quality. Sure why not… let’s go with that.

The alternate head is a lot cooler to me. It’s got a cyclops-like central dome camera with an array of red sensors surrounding it. There’s also a grill for what I suppose is a speaker. This design really strides the line between looking functional and cool for the sake of looking cool. If I were army building these guys, I would use this head as the squad leader. Also, much to my chagrin, this head will not fit on my regular BATs, as the balls are different sizes, which really surprised and irked me, because I would have totally given this head to one of my regular BATs to make him some kind of specialist.

You also get three different chest plates to choose from. The regular one with the Cobra emblem is the one I’ve been using for most of the photos so far. It’s the same basic design as the one on the regular BATs, just painted white. Likewise, you get a repaint of the damaged plate, which has some cracks and a big dent. I remain rather lukewarm on these armor chest plates, as the visible circuitry from the classic BAT design is just so iconic to me.

The third option is like a tactical vest with some utility pouches sculpted in and I actually like this one the best, mainly because the other two are constantly falling out. I’m not sure why, as I don’t have that problem on my regular BATs and it should all be the same mold, but it’s pretty annoying and this one stays put pretty well. I also think it looks good with the second head, and makes the figure look more distinctive. The exposed circuitry in the chest compartment is painted with a bright metallic blue with some of the larger components painted black. I really like how they sculpted detail into the inside of the chest plate as well.

You get the same style pistol that came with the regular BATs, but here the holster is swapped, so now he wears it on the right hip. I like this gun design a lot, and he can hold it well in either of his robotic arms.

And you get this big rifle, and I flippin’ hate this thing. It didn’t come wrapped in cardboard, so the barrel on mine is bent right out of the box. The design is just stupidly huge and awkward and the strap is really annoying and cumbersome and I may just snip it off. The only cool things here is the bottom frame hinges down to replace what I guess is a battery magazine that charges the rifle. I’m assuming it’s meant to be a directed energy weapon, because it doesn’t look like it takes regular ammo. Also, there’s a hinged bipod and the suppressor can be removed from the tip of the barrel. Either way, this thing is getting pitched into the dreaded Storage Tote of Forgotten Accessories, never to be seen again.

The exclusive new weapon attachment is a chainsaw and it looks as bad ass as you might imagine a robot with a chainsaw for a hand would look. Unfortunately, you only get the one weapon attachment, which I think is really cheap on Hasbro’s part. Sure they did some new sculpting for this figure, but they also saved a lot because the whole body is recycled, so I don’t think it’s asking much to pack in the same weapon attachments that came with the regular BATs, or heck at least include the claw. The lack of extras is driven home by the fact that the recycled weapon storage backpack serves almost no purpose. The chainsaw does not fit in the top storage slots and if you peg it into the side it just falls right out. So really the only thing the backpack is used for is to store whichever hand the chainsaw is replacing.

Alas, this release is mostly a miss for me, and wow does it feel strange being disappointed with a Classified figure. That almost never happens! It’s doubly weird, considering how much of this figure is borrowed from a genuinely great one. I’ll concede that the core figure is fine, but there are so many little other things that bug me about it, I’m sure glad I only got stuck with the one. Why don’t the regular chest plates stay on? Why can’t I store the chainsaw in the backpack? Why do you have a big stupid looking NERF rifle? Fortunately, the chainsaw is compatible with my regular BATs, so one of those guys will inherit it and this sucker can go pound snow. So, we’ve hit a bit of a downer in this trilogy of reviews, let’s hope we can end on a high note next week when I check out the Snow Serpent.

In the meantime, swing back here on Christmas Eve, as I will be kicking off a two-part review for Christmas! Or should I say, Christ-HISS! Eh? Seriously, please come back.

Dec 8 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Croc Master and Fiona by Hasbro

I’ve mentioned a few times before that Classified is moving into lesser known territory for me and starting to release figures based on characters that came out after I had sort of grown out of GI JOE. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m not familiar with these characters, indeed I wound up picking up the 25th Anniversary figures of a lot of them as an adult collector. It just means that I don’t have the same childhood nostalgia for these. And Croc Master definitely fits that bill. Cobra’s reptile trainer first hit the shelves around 1987-88. I was 15 and my life was all about watching Star Trek and Doctor Who, and less about playing with toys. He was also too late to be featured in the Sunbow cartoon, so as cool as he was, he was an unknown to me. But that’s not to say I’m not absolutely chuffed to get him!

Croc Master, founder of the ill-conceived “let’s use giant reptiles instead of dogs for security as a business model” Guard Gators, Inc., comes as a Deluxe set in a big window box and bundled with Fiona, his pet croc and a bunch of accessories. This set makes a good argument in favor of the window boxes, because you really do get to see all the cool stuff you’re getting in here and the toys look great against the crimson Cobra artwork printed on the cardboard backer. Let’s take a look at Croc Master first…

Oh yeah! By 1987 Cobra was really committing to becoming a right bunch of glorious weirdos. Maybe they were just embracing their newly discovered Cobra-La origins. Either way, Croc Master is practically the poster child for this new Cobra, looking every bit like DC Comics’ Bane with a reptile fetish. This guy is jacked and more than a little bit terrifying. His croc-skinned onesie is punctuated in the middle by a silver and yellow belt with one giant croc eye painted on the buckle. He’s got black trousers, reptile boots, and a brown holster and sheath strapped to his legs. One bold silver arm bracer is locked around his right forearm while a coiled reptile skin one adorns his left. I really dig the sculpted Cobra medallion on his chest and the painting and detail on the croc skin shirt is just superbly done. You can call him goofy, but don’t try to tell me you wouldn’t be shitting your pants if this guy came running at you in the middle of a swamp.

The head sculpt really drives home that Bane flavor. Croc Master has a form-fitting black hood with a giant silver breather mask covering his mouth and nose. There’s a black hose that leads off the side and connects to a horizontal canister across his back. Maybe this is oxygen so he can lie in wait under the water, but I’d like to think that this is just so he can breath horrible swamp gas wherever he goes. The deep crimson eyes contribute nicely to the intimidation factor here.

Croc’s more normal accessories consist of a fighting knife and a pistol, each of which can be stored on his person in the sheath and holster. The pig-sticker is mostly bare gray plastic, but it does have some green paint on the wrapped handle, giving it a bit of personality.

The pistol is a beefy, all black magnum revolver, which I think suits him pretty well. It’s fun to imagine that when he pulls this and shoots you, he’s just going for the knees because he wants you alive and screaming when his crocs eat you.

Similarly, his giant hook is likely embedded into your flesh so he can drag you back to the Croc Pens, Leatherface style, and drop you in. Yeah, this was a great idea for an accessory! There are a lot of horror elements tied up with this guy.

And his final accessory is a big coiled whip. This is a cool accessory, but I find it disappointing to think that Croc Master whips his beloved crocs. Then again, he is a bad guy, so he probably does. The whip is cast in soft plastic, but it pretty much stays with the end coiled up, which works better for posing than it does play.

And then there’s Fiona, which is a hell of a pack in, as it uses more plastic than Croc Master himself. And hey, if you’re in the market for a 6-inch scale croc, Fiona is the girl for you! The sculpted detail on this beast is absolutely gorgeous with every inch of her covered in scales or rough textured skin. Her legs are articulated with rotating hinges at the ankles and again where they meet the body. She also has points at the base of the tail and at the neck.

Of course, the upper jaw is articulated and she can open up nice and wide to better showcase those lovely teeth. Look at them snappers! This is an all around amazing toy and I can pretty much guarantee that my Hasbro Indiana Jones will be meeting Fiona at some point or another.

Croc also has a spiked collar and leash for Fiona. The whole thing is cast in soft plastic and the collar fits right over her head so he can better keep her under control.

And last but not least, Hasbro threw in too little baby crocs: One green and one albino! These are just simple static pieces, but oh so damn adorable! Why did they bother including these? I don’t know, but I’m glad they did!

Croc Master was released quite a while ago, so he’s one of those figures that has been languishing on my backlog for bit. I’m glad I finally got around to opening him, because this is an absolutely killer set, no pun intended. Croc Master himself is a fun design with some great paint and detail, but Fiona comes pretty close to stealing the show here while offering a lot of crossover potential for other toy lines in this scale. He was originally released at around $40, which is a damn fine value for what you’re getting, but nowadays you can find him for even less online. At some point, he may even drop low enough for me to pick up a second set just for another Fiona!

Nov 29 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Buzzer by Hasbro

One thing I was very thankful for this past Thanksgiving week was the arrival of some choccy donut chomping, grape soda slurping ruffians in the form of some Classified Dreadnoks. Well, at least Buzzer and Ripper. And as the great philsopher Meat Loaf once said, two outta three ain’t bad. Even as I was starting to drift away from GI JOE around 85 and 86, Zartan and the Dreadnoks captured my imagination, mostly thanks to their wonderful debut in the Revenge of Cobra miniseries. Boy was I excited for these guys in Classified!

Buzzer comes in the now standard plastic-free fully enclosed box. Word is that Hasbro is going back to window boxes, but so far I’ve only seen evidence of that with the upcoming release of the Deluxe Mutt and Junkyard set. I’ve said before I like this packaging and I’d be happy if they stuck with it, but chances are I’ll only be keeping the cardboard footlockers and eventually ditching the boxes. Buzzer was my favorite of the original three Dreadnoks, but I couldn’t write you an argument as to why I favored him as a kid. I just did, and still do.

And just as I hoped and expected, Classified Buzzer hits all the familiar beats of the original RAH figure with enough added detail to bring him up to date with modernity. The khaki button down has ragged cuts where the sleeves were and a plunging neckline to show his manly hooligan chesticles. You get a right side shoulder strap with some sculpted grenades, one pineapple and one cannister, and these look almost good enough to fool me into thinking they’re removable. He has a badge and some dog tags on the left side of his chest, brown gloves, a wristwatch, and just check out that bitchin’ silver skull and crossbones belt buckle. So cool! The trousers are blue, he has thigh armor with integral holster and sheath, knee guards, and some kicking brown boots. The sculpt here is great and while the colors are a bit more muted than the RAH figure, the deco still works as a faithful homage.

The wrist watch is on a wide band and it’s removable. I also dig the tattoo on his left bicep. The tat is a beautiful update to the simple stamp on the RAH figure and it’s been relocated from the front of the bicep to the side, which feels more appropriate.

The head sculpt is also excellent even if I feel it strays quite a bit from the vintage influences. There’s a wee bit more Sunbow in here and a good bit of James Marsters as Spike from the Buffy TV series, and I sure ain’t hating it. He’s got some chiseled lines in his sunken cheeks, a cleft chin, and a prominent brow. His blonde hair is sculpted in a tight fashion, pulled into a ponytail in the back. This portrait works more as a dangerous villain than the clowning hooligan from the cartoon and I dig it a lot. And then there are the glasses…

For a company that gave us some absolutely incredibly 6-inch scale specs in the Indiana Jones line, these are kind of rough and disappointing. And it’s not that they look bad, but they just don’t fit the figure well, nor do they stay on. And that’s because there’s no design mechanism to keep them in place. They’re sort of supposed to tuck behind the ears, but they really don’t. The best I could get was for the left arm be flush with the head and the right arm popping off to the side. I may wind up gluing these to the figure and if I do that I’ll hope to pick up a second Buzzer on clearance down the road. Either way, this should have been done better. With that said, let’s check out his weaponry… And we’ll start big and work our way down…

They don’t call him Buzzer for nothing! This malicious miscreant comes with his trademark chainsaw. It’s a menacing looking bit of hardware with a black casing and silver blade. The casing and motor has some really nice sculpted detail, as does the chain on the blade. The final piece is missing some of the silver paint hits shown on the package rendering, but it does add some flat gray plastic parts, which I think makes up for it. Buzzer’s left hand isn’t quite positioned perfectly to make use of the grab bar, but he can make it work. The only thing disappointing here is that he doesn’t come with the Alice-Frame mounted gas can that the vintage figure had. I’m not sure how Hasbro missed that, but it’s another bit of disappointment to add to Buzzer. Also, since they didn’t include the gas can backpack, I would have loved to see a peg on the chainsaw so he could wear it on his back.

Buzzer also comes with an update to the RAH figure’s weird chain axe weapon. I consider this to be pretty iconic for him too, and Hasbro did a decent job with it. The chain is just sculpted plastic, but you get some sculpted wrappings around the handle. A real chain would have been preferred, but I still like this weapon a lot.

Another interesting piece for his custom arsenal is this baseball bat with two serrated axe blades mounted to it. I’m not sure if this is a weapon included with a later version of the figure or just something Hasbro made up for Classified, but I heartedly approve. I love the idea that the Dreadnoks spend their downtime in a garage bolting together various bits to come up with crazy new murder implements. The bat is black, the blades are painted silver and you get some silver paint on the handle wrappings. It’s pretty bad-ass!

And lastly we come to the two more conventional weapons: A fighting knife and an automatic pistol. The pistol is a compact little piece cast in black plastic. I guess when you carry around blades on chains and baseball bat axes, you don’t need to make a statement with your sidearm. It has good sculpted detail and even some painted wraps around the grip, which is a surprisingly nice little touch.

The knife is simple, but looks good. Hasbro ponied up for some silver paint on the blade, which is always a welcome treat. Both the knife and pistol are the only accessories that he can store on his person.

Buzzer is a really good figure with a few missed opportunities. I love everything about the figure itself, but it’s hard to imagine how Hasbro thought the glasses were supposed to work. As I said earlier, I may just wind up gluing them on, but I’m going to wait to see if I can find a second Buzzer on clearance down the road. The missing gas can is also a shame, but an easy fix for that would be to include it as an accessory with a Dreadnok motorcycle release later on. I don’t really think that will happen, but it would be an easy re-sculpt using parts from some of bikes released in the Marvel Legends line and I’m pretty sure it would sell. A set of three Dreadnok bikes and accessories as a HasLab? Yeah, that might work.

Oct 18 2023

G. I. JOE Classified Firefly (2.0) by Hasbro

The Classified figures are really piling up here, folks, and while I’d like to give every figure a go in the proper order they were received, I inevitably bump some of the new releases to the head of the line because they happen to be on my desk and ready to go. That’s the case with today’s review of Cobra’s demolitions expert… Firefly! Also, since I never did get around to checking out the first Classified Firefly figure, we’ll do a little comparison at the end.

I’m not sure why Hasbro chose this particular figure as a do-over, especially before Scarlett and Duke. I don’t remember any great outrage over the first one, although I think that figure left some people underwhelmed. Either way, Firefly was a prominent figure for me when I was a kid, and he was always crawling under JOE vehicles and planting tiny C4 charges that I made out of modeling clay. One time he blew up the APC full of JOEs. It was a horrific massacre with body parts and O-Rings flying everywhere. Only Gung-Ho survived to avenge his friends in a Rambo style one-man killing spree. He worked his way up the chain and eventually took out Cobra Commander himself. But, don’t worry… everyone was miraculously alive again and ready for action when I was playing the next day.

And unlike the first Firefly, this time Classified gives us a pretty close update to the original vintage figure, complete with gray camo fatigues, which in this case I think are colored a bit lighter than the figure I remember, but still looking great. The fatigues have all sorts of sculpted pockets and stitch lines, as well as knee pads, and there’s a red Cobra emblem printed on his left bicep. The chest rig, which was sculpted as part of the RAH figure is now a separate sculpt, as is the belt, holster, left thigh rig, and both the forearm bracers. This makes all of these pieces a lot more prominent on this version, and gives him a bulkier and more kitted-out feel. He really does look like a one-man demolition squad. The chest rig has some sculpted pouches, pineapple grenades, some canister grenades, and even some green paint on the explosive bricks down the lower left side of the chest rig.

The head sculpt features the balaclava style mask that I always associate with the character. It’s in camo gray to match his fatigues and you get some rather intense eyes peering out. The neck is encircled with a ribbed turtleneck that can be seen extending down into the opening of his fatigues.

Firefly comes with a pair of night vision goggles, which can be worn up on his forehead or down over his eyes. These are cast in soft plastic and fit the head really well in either position. These have a pretty cool sci-fi design to them with a honeycomb pattern over the yellow lens and red globe over the opposite eye.

The backpack is probably the most reimagined part of this figure, although it still conforms to the RAH pack in a general sense. It’s an open frame design with a carry bar and two sculpted pouches at the top. The opening tool box from the vintage figure has been replaced with some kind of electronic device with a digital display resembling a seismic monitor. There are some more sculpted gadgets in here, including a pretty big grenade. I can’t deny that it would have been cool to see the toolbox make a return, but I still like what Hasbro did with this pack design a lot. There’s a peg on the side to store his rifle and pegs on the angled lower panels to store two mines.

The mines are simple enough, but really cool accessories. They have painted red lights on the top and some decent sculpted detail. I love that they can be stored on the backpack for easy access.

As for more traditional weapons, Firefly is armed with an automatic pistol and a submachine gun. The pistol stores in the holster on his hip and can share the silencer with the submachine gun. Meanwhile, the larger weapon is patterned after the one included with the RAH figure and has a removable magazine, which I always really appreciate. On the downside, the box shows some green paint on the submachine gun’s foregrip, which didn’t make it into the final production. I thought it was a nice nod to the color of the RAH figure’s weapon and a great example of why if you’re going to do windowless boxes, you really should make sure the picture is accurate. Although, in fairness it is depicted as unpainted on the upper right hand corner of the box.

He also has a combat knife, which is stored in a sheath on his right forearm. Once again, this accessory is depicted on the box having some green paint that got nixed for production, so it was left all black.

And finally, Firefly’s arsenal is rounded out by his remote control explosive delivery system, aka RC Car. This fat-tired four-wheel delivery system is strapped with a brick of explosives and ready to be inserted under the nearest GI JOE convoy. It rolls along and can be stored by plugging it into the bottom of the backpack! The detonator is a nifty little device with a pistol grip and detonation trigger and a circular screen with the number 3, presumably showing a countdown. This sort of replaces the walkie-talkie that came with the RAH figure, and I’m cool with that.

As promised, here’s a quick look at both Classified Firefly figures together. I didn’t mind the first one so much, but boy does it come up short compared to this second release. And I mean that both literally and figuratively. Even with his bulky torso armor, he’s tiny compared to Firefly 2.0. I still dig the overall look of the first release, and the drone was a nice touch, but there’s no doubt in my mind that the new one will be my Classified Firefly. Old Firefly will either get relegated to a Tote or perhaps just be a generic Cobra saboteur. I think this comparison is a great example of how far Classified has come, and how much it’s been embracing the franchise roots more than ever.

And there you have it, another slam dunk for the Classified team. Firefly is a fantastic figure and a worthy addition to my Cobra forces for when something needs to go boom. I tend to have a special affinity for the Classified figures that have a more realistic military vibe and Firefly certainly fits that bill. I can’t wait to seat him in one of the Classified Trouble Bubbles I have waiting for him. Which reminds me, I’ve really got to spotlight at those Trouble Bubbles here in the next week or so.

Sep 25 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Scrap Iron by Hasbro

Hasbro had it’s annual PulseCon last Friday and G.I. JOE Classified really ran away with the whole show. There were tons of new reveals, some confirmed rumors, and just lots of beautiful figures to drool over and pre-order. And it also made me realize how behind I am on what’s already here, so I’m going to be pushing the Classified reviews pretty hard over the next month or so. Today I’m digging into what was one of my all-time favorite Cobra figures back in the day. Let’s check out the MOBAT’s worst enemy… Scrap Iron!

Why did I love this guy so much? Probably because he looked so cool and he came with such an amazing bonus weapon. I also had him drive around the Cobra STINGER most of the time because it was his vehicle of choice in the cartoon. Whenever I played with my JOEs, this guy was front and center, usually as Destro’s right hand man. As a Deluxe figure, Scrap Iron comes in a big box to house his mobile Anti-Tank Drone with a swipe on the corner showing all the goodies inside. While I haven’t been a big fan of the no-plastic packaging, I think this is a great presentation. No goofy highly stylized art, just a classic head shot and some digital renders of the figure in action. It’s also worth noting that Hasbro has been killing it with this line so well that I have no problem buying the figures without seeing them through a window.

Classified Scrap Iron stays pretty close to his original vintage roots with dark blue fatigues and a red vest with a pair of sculpted black grenades and a black pouch. His red belt features two thigh straps, with the right one equipped with a holster. He has black knee guards and the only big design difference here is the original red boots have been changed to black with red stripes, and I think that was a good call! The sculpted detail here is really nice with lots of quilted padding on his vest, sculpted elastic around his wrist cuffs, and texturing added to his fatigues. His open collar, exposing the red shirt underneath also calls back tot he original figure. He also has a crisp red Cobra emblem on his shoulder. A always loved how Scrap Iron’s uniform made him look more like a specialized Cobra Trooper than a lot of the other wacky Cobra characters. Classified Scrap Iron is everything I could have asked for in a modern update.

The head sculpt holds some grizzly surprises, but first we’ve got to talk about how awesome his helmet came out. The matte black helmet has a fixed black visor and an angular sculpted Cobra emblem on the forehead just like the original. In this case, we got a little bit of red paint on the emblem, which makes it stand out nicely. What’s more the helmet fits the figure beautifully.

Take it off and I’ve got to just take a moment and bask in all the love and imagination that went into this head sculpt. I remember Scrap Iron’s filecard stated that he conducted field tests for a lot of Destro’s new armaments and I’m guessing that some of them didn’t go so well because this guy is severely burned and disfigured. I can’t say enough about how much I love how the designers extrapolated all this into a portrait for a character that previously always had a permanent helmet. The burns across the left side of his head are grizzly, his left eye is just a milky orb, and he’s got scarring all across the right side of his face and head. It’s kind of tragic when you remember that Scrap Iron was a perfectionist with his filecard stating that any form of imperfection repelled him. That must make it tough for him to look in the mirror. This is peak Classified, and that’s saying a lot when you’re talking about a line this good.

Scrap Iron only has one personal weapon included and that’s his automatic pistol, and when you’re toting around your own tank-busting rocket drone, I guess a pistol is plenty. It’s a cool looking piece with a very pronounced rail on the top and a peg hole in the barrel so it can be used with any of those effect parts that came with past figures. He has two sets of trigger finger hands, so he can wield the pistol left or fight and it stores in the holster nicely.

He also comes with a remote control unit for his Anti-Tank Drone, which replaces the corded firing plunger that came with the original figure. This basically looks like a Nintendo Switch with two antenna and a printed red screen. The only downside here is that there’s nowhere to store it on his person. He can however handle it pretty well in either or both of those trigger finger hands.

And that brings us to the Drone, and it is all sorts of awesome. The original figure came with a static rocket launcher on a tripod, so this treaded mobile launcher is a pretty cool update. This little dealer of destruction has a glossy black finish with some nice angled edges and soft gray treads. There’s a sensor array on the top and the launcher itself is attached to the chassis by a ball joint giving it some nice aiming abilities. There are some red paint hits on the front grills and the rear bumper, as well as in the camera compartment that sits between the rocket tubes. You also get some markings stamped in white on the sides. Hasbro did a beautiful job modernizing the original accessory and I think giving it mobility was a great idea.

The red rockets are perfect callbacks to the originals and are of course removable These have LAZER-GUIDED printed in white lettering on the sides and X04 stamped in black near the fins.

There are effect parts included so you can display them launching from the tubes and these look great, with one being a little longer than the other. These slide into the launch tubes and peg into the back of the missiles. They’re cast in orange semi-translucent plastic with some white smoke smoke painted at the bases.

The set also includes four additional blast effect pieces and these are pretty damn big. Like the launcher effect parts, these are cast in semi-translucent red and orange plastic with white smoke painted in at the bases. These look amazing and they work well as impacts of Scrap Irons’ rockets or as the result of a pesky Skyhawk trying to take out the drone with a couple of its SPATS rockets. Just plain awesome!

I confess to getting a little bit nervous when Classified updates one of my favorite figures, but I don’t know why because they’re nailing it just about every time, and Scrap Iron here is no exception. I love every last thing about this figure and his awesome drone too. The outfit hits all the beats of the original figure and the design team went above and beyond giving my man some real personality in that portrait. It makes my imagination go into overdrive and gives him so much more character. This set retails for $45 and I can’t recommend it enough. And yeah… if it happens to go on sale, I may grab another to add one more drone to my collection.

Sep 4 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Cobra Valkyries by Hasbro

Even an evil organization like Cobra isn’t beyond the reach of having to take on a Diversity Compliance Specialist and as a result we get The Valkyries! That’s right, these Cobra reinforcements arrived over the weekend and I was very excited to take a look at them, so they got bumped to the head of the line. This is a two-pack of Cobra femme fatale troopers with lots of gear and effect parts. In the past, I went pretty nuts buying Cobra Troopers and Officers in this line, but I was able to limit myself to two of these sets for now and will pepper them throughout my Cobra forces. Let’s cue up some Wagner and take a look!

The Valks come in a fully enclosed box with some great renders on the front and a shot of all the accessories included. Inside, you get the figures on a cardboard tray as well as a cardboard footlocker containing paper baggies with all those pieces. There are a lot of tiny pieces in there, so be sure to check those bags thoroughly before pitching them!

Here are the ladies out of the box and geared up. These feature the same body sculpt with most of the blue fatigues being smooth with some rumples, and some sculpted panels on their hips. There’s textured reinforcement on the biceps and up around the shoulders and upper chest, along with a sculpted Cobra emblem. Each figure has high boots, as well as sculpted armor plates for their knees and forearms. One Valk has these pieces painted all black, while the other has some tan paint for the straps on her boots and forearms. They each also have a good bit of separately sculpted pieces, which include the right hip holster, the belt with left cross-draw holster, left bicep strap, and shoulder rigs with a a right side sheath. Thanks to pegs on the backpacks, each Valkyrie can store all their gear, which is always a big plus in my book.

The backpacks have some excellent sculpted detail, but I wish they stayed on a bit better. Also, I’ll concede that I was not a big fan of the tan coloring on the one figure when these were introduced, and I’m still not all that crazy about it. I kind of appreciate Hasbro wanting to offer a little color variety between the two figures, but maybe grey would have been a better way to go. Honestly, I would have been happier if they were both the same black. No, it’s not a dealbreaker for me, but I just like the look of the entirely black and blue uniform better. Apart from that, I think these figures look great and I’ll throw in some pictures at the end to show how well they mix with the other Classified Cobra Troopers.

The set includes a total of three heads and three removable helmets. The two regular heads have face masks and tight fitting hoods similar to the Classified Cobra Troopers. The only other difference here is the sculpt around the exposed eyes. These are not only unique sculpts but one has dark skin and one has light skin.

You also get a gasmask style head with a red visor, which looks pretty damn rad. I do wish we got some completely unmasked heads like Hasbro is doing with their female SHIELD pack in Marvel Legends. You can swap heads with those Marvel Legends figures, but these ball joints are smaller so a bit of putty will be needed to make the replacement noggins a tight fit.

I mentioned three helmets, and the third has a silver badge on the front. V for Valkyrie? I guess this one one works for if you want to make one of the ladies an officer. The three helmets stay on the figures pretty well, but I found that they could get lopsided pretty often and I’m sure that came across in a few of my pictures here.

For weapons, each figure comes with the same arsenal with one set cast in black and the other in tan plastic. Again, still not a big fan of the tan, but I’ll live with it. In total you get two knives, four pistols, two sub-machine guns, and two machine guns. We’ll start small and work our way up. First up is the cutlery and these are pretty standard fighting knives with the blades painted silver and the hilts either black or tan. They’re fine, but not as impressive as some of the other blades we’ve seen recently. The right hand seems to hold them better than the left, even though both hands are designed for the guns.

The automatic pistols are a matched pair for each figure and these are pretty nice. They’re not too chunky and not too small. You get some nice detail in the sculpt and they fit well in either the hands or the holsters. In theory I really like the inclusion of the cross-draw holster, but in practice t doesn’t make much sense since the right hand would obviously just draw the weapon from the right holster.

I like the machine guns a lot. You get a pretty simple grease-gun style sub-machine gun with a removable stick magazine. This one has a flared muzzle and a scope. The scope seems like an odd choice for this kind of weapon, but it’s still a great design that reminds me a bit of the weapon design the Cobra troops often carried in the Sunbow cartoon. The alternative is an automatic rifle with an under the barrel grenade launcher. This is another excellent sculpt and you get a removable magazine as well. And yes, I I still think the scope should have been sculpted on this one.

Finally, the set includes a whole bunch of effect parts for the weapons. I think we’ve seen all of these before, and they tend to vary in how they look. Not that I’m complaining. I’ll take as many of these as I can get. All of the weapons have holes in their barrels and these parts just peg in. Some are designed to peg together for different combinations, and I particularly love the smoking barrel pieces. My only complaint here is that I couldn’t really make one work with the grenade launcher.

After the great Cobra Eel debackle, it’s nice to see that Hasbro is still capable of making good decisions with troop builders. Selling these in two-packs and making them easy to get is a great idea and it’s going to be tough to stick to just two. Not that I have much of a choice, as these did sell out. Hopefully Hasbro will do a restock, especially if they like money. Sure, Hasbro Pulse isn’t my first choice for online shopping, and I tend to stick to them only for exclusives like this, but I’ll admit that they’ve been pretty good about getting figures out and delivered in a timely manner. The price was $55, and that feels about right considering how many extras are included.