Tag Archives: classified

Dec 8 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Croc Master and Fiona by Hasbro

I’ve mentioned a few times before that Classified is moving into lesser known territory for me and starting to release figures based on characters that came out after I had sort of grown out of GI JOE. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m not familiar with these characters, indeed I wound up picking up the 25th Anniversary figures of a lot of them as an adult collector. It just means that I don’t have the same childhood nostalgia for these. And Croc Master definitely fits that bill. Cobra’s reptile trainer first hit the shelves around 1987-88. I was 15 and my life was all about watching Star Trek and Doctor Who, and less about playing with toys. He was also too late to be featured in the Sunbow cartoon, so as cool as he was, he was an unknown to me. But that’s not to say I’m not absolutely chuffed to get him!

Croc Master, founder of the ill-conceived “let’s use giant reptiles instead of dogs for security as a business model” Guard Gators, Inc., comes as a Deluxe set in a big window box and bundled with Fiona, his pet croc and a bunch of accessories. This set makes a good argument in favor of the window boxes, because you really do get to see all the cool stuff you’re getting in here and the toys look great against the crimson Cobra artwork printed on the cardboard backer. Let’s take a look at Croc Master first…

Oh yeah! By 1987 Cobra was really committing to becoming a right bunch of glorious weirdos. Maybe they were just embracing their newly discovered Cobra-La origins. Either way, Croc Master is practically the poster child for this new Cobra, looking every bit like DC Comics’ Bane with a reptile fetish. This guy is jacked and more than a little bit terrifying. His croc-skinned onesie is punctuated in the middle by a silver and yellow belt with one giant croc eye painted on the buckle. He’s got black trousers, reptile boots, and a brown holster and sheath strapped to his legs. One bold silver arm bracer is locked around his right forearm while a coiled reptile skin one adorns his left. I really dig the sculpted Cobra medallion on his chest and the painting and detail on the croc skin shirt is just superbly done. You can call him goofy, but don’t try to tell me you wouldn’t be shitting your pants if this guy came running at you in the middle of a swamp.

The head sculpt really drives home that Bane flavor. Croc Master has a form-fitting black hood with a giant silver breather mask covering his mouth and nose. There’s a black hose that leads off the side and connects to a horizontal canister across his back. Maybe this is oxygen so he can lie in wait under the water, but I’d like to think that this is just so he can breath horrible swamp gas wherever he goes. The deep crimson eyes contribute nicely to the intimidation factor here.

Croc’s more normal accessories consist of a fighting knife and a pistol, each of which can be stored on his person in the sheath and holster. The pig-sticker is mostly bare gray plastic, but it does have some green paint on the wrapped handle, giving it a bit of personality.

The pistol is a beefy, all black magnum revolver, which I think suits him pretty well. It’s fun to imagine that when he pulls this and shoots you, he’s just going for the knees because he wants you alive and screaming when his crocs eat you.

Similarly, his giant hook is likely embedded into your flesh so he can drag you back to the Croc Pens, Leatherface style, and drop you in. Yeah, this was a great idea for an accessory! There are a lot of horror elements tied up with this guy.

And his final accessory is a big coiled whip. This is a cool accessory, but I find it disappointing to think that Croc Master whips his beloved crocs. Then again, he is a bad guy, so he probably does. The whip is cast in soft plastic, but it pretty much stays with the end coiled up, which works better for posing than it does play.

And then there’s Fiona, which is a hell of a pack in, as it uses more plastic than Croc Master himself. And hey, if you’re in the market for a 6-inch scale croc, Fiona is the girl for you! The sculpted detail on this beast is absolutely gorgeous with every inch of her covered in scales or rough textured skin. Her legs are articulated with rotating hinges at the ankles and again where they meet the body. She also has points at the base of the tail and at the neck.

Of course, the upper jaw is articulated and she can open up nice and wide to better showcase those lovely teeth. Look at them snappers! This is an all around amazing toy and I can pretty much guarantee that my Hasbro Indiana Jones will be meeting Fiona at some point or another.

Croc also has a spiked collar and leash for Fiona. The whole thing is cast in soft plastic and the collar fits right over her head so he can better keep her under control.

And last but not least, Hasbro threw in too little baby crocs: One green and one albino! These are just simple static pieces, but oh so damn adorable! Why did they bother including these? I don’t know, but I’m glad they did!

Croc Master was released quite a while ago, so he’s one of those figures that has been languishing on my backlog for bit. I’m glad I finally got around to opening him, because this is an absolutely killer set, no pun intended. Croc Master himself is a fun design with some great paint and detail, but Fiona comes pretty close to stealing the show here while offering a lot of crossover potential for other toy lines in this scale. He was originally released at around $40, which is a damn fine value for what you’re getting, but nowadays you can find him for even less online. At some point, he may even drop low enough for me to pick up a second set just for another Fiona!

Nov 29 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Buzzer by Hasbro

One thing I was very thankful for this past Thanksgiving week was the arrival of some choccy donut chomping, grape soda slurping ruffians in the form of some Classified Dreadnoks. Well, at least Buzzer and Ripper. And as the great philsopher Meat Loaf once said, two outta three ain’t bad. Even as I was starting to drift away from GI JOE around 85 and 86, Zartan and the Dreadnoks captured my imagination, mostly thanks to their wonderful debut in the Revenge of Cobra miniseries. Boy was I excited for these guys in Classified!

Buzzer comes in the now standard plastic-free fully enclosed box. Word is that Hasbro is going back to window boxes, but so far I’ve only seen evidence of that with the upcoming release of the Deluxe Mutt and Junkyard set. I’ve said before I like this packaging and I’d be happy if they stuck with it, but chances are I’ll only be keeping the cardboard footlockers and eventually ditching the boxes. Buzzer was my favorite of the original three Dreadnoks, but I couldn’t write you an argument as to why I favored him as a kid. I just did, and still do.

And just as I hoped and expected, Classified Buzzer hits all the familiar beats of the original RAH figure with enough added detail to bring him up to date with modernity. The khaki button down has ragged cuts where the sleeves were and a plunging neckline to show his manly hooligan chesticles. You get a right side shoulder strap with some sculpted grenades, one pineapple and one cannister, and these look almost good enough to fool me into thinking they’re removable. He has a badge and some dog tags on the left side of his chest, brown gloves, a wristwatch, and just check out that bitchin’ silver skull and crossbones belt buckle. So cool! The trousers are blue, he has thigh armor with integral holster and sheath, knee guards, and some kicking brown boots. The sculpt here is great and while the colors are a bit more muted than the RAH figure, the deco still works as a faithful homage.

The wrist watch is on a wide band and it’s removable. I also dig the tattoo on his left bicep. The tat is a beautiful update to the simple stamp on the RAH figure and it’s been relocated from the front of the bicep to the side, which feels more appropriate.

The head sculpt is also excellent even if I feel it strays quite a bit from the vintage influences. There’s a wee bit more Sunbow in here and a good bit of James Marsters as Spike from the Buffy TV series, and I sure ain’t hating it. He’s got some chiseled lines in his sunken cheeks, a cleft chin, and a prominent brow. His blonde hair is sculpted in a tight fashion, pulled into a ponytail in the back. This portrait works more as a dangerous villain than the clowning hooligan from the cartoon and I dig it a lot. And then there are the glasses…

For a company that gave us some absolutely incredibly 6-inch scale specs in the Indiana Jones line, these are kind of rough and disappointing. And it’s not that they look bad, but they just don’t fit the figure well, nor do they stay on. And that’s because there’s no design mechanism to keep them in place. They’re sort of supposed to tuck behind the ears, but they really don’t. The best I could get was for the left arm be flush with the head and the right arm popping off to the side. I may wind up gluing these to the figure and if I do that I’ll hope to pick up a second Buzzer on clearance down the road. Either way, this should have been done better. With that said, let’s check out his weaponry… And we’ll start big and work our way down…

They don’t call him Buzzer for nothing! This malicious miscreant comes with his trademark chainsaw. It’s a menacing looking bit of hardware with a black casing and silver blade. The casing and motor has some really nice sculpted detail, as does the chain on the blade. The final piece is missing some of the silver paint hits shown on the package rendering, but it does add some flat gray plastic parts, which I think makes up for it. Buzzer’s left hand isn’t quite positioned perfectly to make use of the grab bar, but he can make it work. The only thing disappointing here is that he doesn’t come with the Alice-Frame mounted gas can that the vintage figure had. I’m not sure how Hasbro missed that, but it’s another bit of disappointment to add to Buzzer. Also, since they didn’t include the gas can backpack, I would have loved to see a peg on the chainsaw so he could wear it on his back.

Buzzer also comes with an update to the RAH figure’s weird chain axe weapon. I consider this to be pretty iconic for him too, and Hasbro did a decent job with it. The chain is just sculpted plastic, but you get some sculpted wrappings around the handle. A real chain would have been preferred, but I still like this weapon a lot.

Another interesting piece for his custom arsenal is this baseball bat with two serrated axe blades mounted to it. I’m not sure if this is a weapon included with a later version of the figure or just something Hasbro made up for Classified, but I heartedly approve. I love the idea that the Dreadnoks spend their downtime in a garage bolting together various bits to come up with crazy new murder implements. The bat is black, the blades are painted silver and you get some silver paint on the handle wrappings. It’s pretty bad-ass!

And lastly we come to the two more conventional weapons: A fighting knife and an automatic pistol. The pistol is a compact little piece cast in black plastic. I guess when you carry around blades on chains and baseball bat axes, you don’t need to make a statement with your sidearm. It has good sculpted detail and even some painted wraps around the grip, which is a surprisingly nice little touch.

The knife is simple, but looks good. Hasbro ponied up for some silver paint on the blade, which is always a welcome treat. Both the knife and pistol are the only accessories that he can store on his person.

Buzzer is a really good figure with a few missed opportunities. I love everything about the figure itself, but it’s hard to imagine how Hasbro thought the glasses were supposed to work. As I said earlier, I may just wind up gluing them on, but I’m going to wait to see if I can find a second Buzzer on clearance down the road. The missing gas can is also a shame, but an easy fix for that would be to include it as an accessory with a Dreadnok motorcycle release later on. I don’t really think that will happen, but it would be an easy re-sculpt using parts from some of bikes released in the Marvel Legends line and I’m pretty sure it would sell. A set of three Dreadnok bikes and accessories as a HasLab? Yeah, that might work.

Nov 13 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Shipwreck by Hasbro

Nature abhors a vacuum, and so do action figure companies. So, with my Star Wars Black Series and Marvel Legends collecting dropping off, GI JOE Classified has stepped up to fill those gaps and help Hasbro to keep sucking out all my monies. There have just been so many quality releases out of this line and they just keep coming! Today I’m checking out Classified Shipwreck, and some may be surprised to find that this is another character where I did not own the vintage RAH figure when I was a kid. Indeed, the first time I added a Shipwreck figure to my collection would have been as an adult collector with the 25th Anniversary release.

Shipwreck comes in the usual plastic free packaging, including a cardboard footlocker to stow his gear. I love these boxes and I’ve been keeping them for now, but I think eventually they will need to go. Maybe I’ll just flatten them all out and tuck them somewhere. Anyway, it’s hard for me to put a finger on why I never owned the vintage version of Shipwreck. He was a 1985 release, so he turned up on shelves just at the cusp of when I was starting to lose interest in toys, but he was so prominently featured in the Sunbow cartoon. Maybe it was because I was never a big fan of the character, and I think I used to just use Cutter as a stand in. Anyway, let’s scrape the barnacles off this box and see what we’ve got!

True to form, Shipwreck hits all the beats of the vintage figure with his blue trousers, lighter blue short sleeved shirt, and black gloves. The trousers here are textured to look more like jeans and less like a uniform, which I guess fits in line with his weird freelancer Sunbow backstory, but not so much with his official filecard. There’s some excellent detail sculpted into his tiny belt buckle, and some sharp naval tatts on his forearms, as well as the insignia on his shoulders. Like the RAH figure, you get a plunging neckline, as his shirt is unbuttoned at the top, but here you actually get to see his hairy chest which is printed on. He has a belt rig with a scabbard for his larger gun and a hook for his boarding hook. There’s also a functional holster strapped to his right leg, which was just a sculpted bit on the RAH figure.

The head sculpt looks great, giving Shipwreck the look of a rough-and-tumble seadog. The beard and mustache sport some nice detail and the paint is pretty well, with only a few bits where the brown paint comes up short of the beard sculpt. He has a strong nose and somewhat sunken cheeks and one eyebrow is raised to give him a little character. This feels more like an update to the RAH character as opposed to the Sunbow one, and I’m all for that! With Super7 doing the Sunbow stuff, I really love when Hasbro does their own thing with these guys. The hat is removable and the hair goes with it, but you get a second hair piece if you want to display him sans hat. The secondary hair looks great, but I’ll likely always display him with the hat on.

Naturally, Shipwreck comes with his parrot Polly, which has no articulation, but is a fantastic little sculpt with some vibrant green and yellow coloring and some sharp paint on his tiny face and beak. They also gave him a peg leg, which is I think is hilarious, in a kind of morbid way. It gives the little figure so much character and poses so many questions as to how and why. It also serves the practical function of allowing him to be pegged into the hole on Shipwreck’s arm. You also get a coil of rope that can be worn over Shipwreck’s shoulder and it has a peg hole if you’d prefer to perch Polly up there. This is some really clever and fun design beats on Hasbro’s part and I love it!

The holster on his leg rig stores an automatic pistol, which is nothing terribly special, but a decent little sculpt nonetheless. The RAH figure didn’t come with a sidearm like this, but there was one sculpted onto the leg, so it’s nice for the Classified version to be able to make use of it.

The anchor is a stand in for the original figure’s boarding hook, which is an interesting update and certainly adds to the naval theme. The ring that allows it to hang off the belt can also be used to attach a string if you want to complete the look. Personally, I’d like to think he just uses this thing as a melee weapon and beats the shit out of Cobras with it while whistling a jaunty maritime tune.

The other weapon lifted from the RAH figure’s inventory is the percussion pistol, which I always thought was meant to be a sawed-off shotgun. I blame the 25th Anniversary figure for that. It is indeed an old-timey design with a double barrel and a vintage style hammer mechanism. Probably not the most reliable and efficient weapon to bring into battle, but it sure is distinctive and adds more to the figure’s naval theme and I dig it a lot. There’s also a sculpted lanyard loop coming off the handle grip.

The designers definitely had some fun with this figure, and for a character that I never warmed up to, I really love this one a lot. He walks that fine line between being a fairly credible military-style figure while infusing just enough distinctive character and not being too goofy. All the accessories gel so wonderfully and he’s tons of fun to pose and play around with. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, this one is another direct hit for Classified and another reason why this is my favorite line to collect right now!

Nov 1 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Low-Light by Hasbro

I’m going to be digging into G.I. JOE Classified hot and heavy over the next few weeks as I try desparately to get caught up with the pile of figures that have been coming in. I’m glad I cut way back on Marvel Legends and have pretty much dipped out on Star Wars Black Series entirely, because keeping up with Classified has become quite an endeavor and I’m sure I couldn’t have done it if I was still collecting Hasbro’s other 6-inch lines. Today I literally just grabbed a random figure off the stack and it happens to be Low-Light, so let’s do it!

Low-Light had one of the most bad ass backstories of all the RAH JOEs: Getting lost as a child in North Dakota while hunting with his father and surviving on his own for weeks with just a .22 rifle and a flashlight. Dayuuuum! Low-Light is also distinguished as being one of my first Classified figure reviews where I did not own the vintage original when I was a kid. That figure was released in 1986 and by that time I had moved on from toys… at least until I started collecting Playmates Star Trek figures over five years later. Suffice it to say, I’m excited to get this guy open and check him out!

Once again, Classified draws heavy on the original RAH design for the character, and all I can say is, keep it up guys because that’s what I’m here for! Low-Light has a set of gray-blue fatigues with reinforced patches, zippers, pouches and sculpted detail pretty much everywhere. The boots and gloves changed from black on the original figure to blue here, and it looks fine. You get some snappy silver paint on the buttons and clasps, green on the pineapple grenades hanging on his left front, and red paint on the quilted recoil pad on his right shoulder. His right leg has a sheath rig for his knife while his left leg has a pouch for his wind meter. The tactical backpack pegs into his back and has a peg on the side to hold one of his guns. What a great looking update to the original figure!

The portrait features solid face sculpt with his familiar blonde hair and knitted cap and his red goggles, which can sit up on his forehead or be worn down over his eyes. Since I don’t have a huge attachment to the original figure, I’m perfectly fine with the likeness they gave him. Honestly, I don’t really even remember Low-Light appearing in a whole lot of episodes of the Sunbow cartoon, except for when Cobra kidnapped his sister in Glamour Girls.

The visor fits over the eyes really well, with the top rim lining up with the lower edge of the cap almost perfectly. The paint on my figure’s visor is a bit sloppy with the red spilling over onto the lower frame a bit. It’s unfortunate, but not overly noticeable unless I’m punching in close with the camera. It doesn’t feel like positioning the goggles up and down is stretching the strap out too much, but I’ll probably wind up keeping them down over the eyes most of the time.

As for accessories, the wind meter is a really nice touch. Sure, it’s just a plain black piece of plastic and it looks like a cell phone with a fan attached to the top, but I think it’s really cool that Hasbro included this little piece of gear and gave him a spot for him to store it.

The survival knife is a nice little accessory as well. The grip is painted to match Low-Light’s fatigues and the blade is silver. He can hold it very well in either hand.

His regular shooter is, eh… well one of these weirdo modern European looking sub machine guns. The original figure came with an Uzi and I would have much preferred that, but I guess this is fine. I’m not up on these modern designs, but it’s a nice sculpt featuring a well-defined rail on the top, a foregrip, and a detachable magazine. God, how I love that Hasbro has made detachable mags a normal thing for this line and the gun sculpts have been absolutely fantastic, even if I do prefer the more traditional designs.

And then there’s this beauty! You get a fully functional case for Low-Light’s sniper rifle. The sculpt on this is beautiful from the nylon straps to the seams to the zipper running along the edge where it opens. It has a carry handle and a peg to attach to his back. There’s also a socket on it so you can peg the backpack on top of it, but I think that looks kind of silly, so it’s an “either, or” situation for me.

Open the case and you have compartments inside to hold the sniper rifle, scope, suppressor, and bipod. This is so damn cool and so incredibly well done! It’s also exactly the sort of thing that I hoped we would see with the increase in scale. Everything fits into the case perfectly and can be attached to the rifle once Low-Light has scouted his perch.

The rifle itself is a pretty big departure from the simple one that came with the original figure. Like his other weapon, it’s a little too modern for me to decipher what it’s based on, but the sculpt is fantastic and it too has a detachable magazine.

It’s pretty damn cool to finally get a Classified release of a figure that I didn’t have as a kid, and I suspect that’s going to be happening more frequently as Hasbro digs deeper into the line and releases updates to those post 1985 figures. I’ve already seen a few coming down the pipe that are going to be new to me and that’s pretty exciting. Low-Light is a fantastic addition to my JOE forces, which were getting pretty outnumbered by Cobra up to this point, but in the coming weeks I think the two sides will soon be more evenly matched!

Oct 18 2023

G. I. JOE Classified Firefly (2.0) by Hasbro

The Classified figures are really piling up here, folks, and while I’d like to give every figure a go in the proper order they were received, I inevitably bump some of the new releases to the head of the line because they happen to be on my desk and ready to go. That’s the case with today’s review of Cobra’s demolitions expert… Firefly! Also, since I never did get around to checking out the first Classified Firefly figure, we’ll do a little comparison at the end.

I’m not sure why Hasbro chose this particular figure as a do-over, especially before Scarlett and Duke. I don’t remember any great outrage over the first one, although I think that figure left some people underwhelmed. Either way, Firefly was a prominent figure for me when I was a kid, and he was always crawling under JOE vehicles and planting tiny C4 charges that I made out of modeling clay. One time he blew up the APC full of JOEs. It was a horrific massacre with body parts and O-Rings flying everywhere. Only Gung-Ho survived to avenge his friends in a Rambo style one-man killing spree. He worked his way up the chain and eventually took out Cobra Commander himself. But, don’t worry… everyone was miraculously alive again and ready for action when I was playing the next day.

And unlike the first Firefly, this time Classified gives us a pretty close update to the original vintage figure, complete with gray camo fatigues, which in this case I think are colored a bit lighter than the figure I remember, but still looking great. The fatigues have all sorts of sculpted pockets and stitch lines, as well as knee pads, and there’s a red Cobra emblem printed on his left bicep. The chest rig, which was sculpted as part of the RAH figure is now a separate sculpt, as is the belt, holster, left thigh rig, and both the forearm bracers. This makes all of these pieces a lot more prominent on this version, and gives him a bulkier and more kitted-out feel. He really does look like a one-man demolition squad. The chest rig has some sculpted pouches, pineapple grenades, some canister grenades, and even some green paint on the explosive bricks down the lower left side of the chest rig.

The head sculpt features the balaclava style mask that I always associate with the character. It’s in camo gray to match his fatigues and you get some rather intense eyes peering out. The neck is encircled with a ribbed turtleneck that can be seen extending down into the opening of his fatigues.

Firefly comes with a pair of night vision goggles, which can be worn up on his forehead or down over his eyes. These are cast in soft plastic and fit the head really well in either position. These have a pretty cool sci-fi design to them with a honeycomb pattern over the yellow lens and red globe over the opposite eye.

The backpack is probably the most reimagined part of this figure, although it still conforms to the RAH pack in a general sense. It’s an open frame design with a carry bar and two sculpted pouches at the top. The opening tool box from the vintage figure has been replaced with some kind of electronic device with a digital display resembling a seismic monitor. There are some more sculpted gadgets in here, including a pretty big grenade. I can’t deny that it would have been cool to see the toolbox make a return, but I still like what Hasbro did with this pack design a lot. There’s a peg on the side to store his rifle and pegs on the angled lower panels to store two mines.

The mines are simple enough, but really cool accessories. They have painted red lights on the top and some decent sculpted detail. I love that they can be stored on the backpack for easy access.

As for more traditional weapons, Firefly is armed with an automatic pistol and a submachine gun. The pistol stores in the holster on his hip and can share the silencer with the submachine gun. Meanwhile, the larger weapon is patterned after the one included with the RAH figure and has a removable magazine, which I always really appreciate. On the downside, the box shows some green paint on the submachine gun’s foregrip, which didn’t make it into the final production. I thought it was a nice nod to the color of the RAH figure’s weapon and a great example of why if you’re going to do windowless boxes, you really should make sure the picture is accurate. Although, in fairness it is depicted as unpainted on the upper right hand corner of the box.

He also has a combat knife, which is stored in a sheath on his right forearm. Once again, this accessory is depicted on the box having some green paint that got nixed for production, so it was left all black.

And finally, Firefly’s arsenal is rounded out by his remote control explosive delivery system, aka RC Car. This fat-tired four-wheel delivery system is strapped with a brick of explosives and ready to be inserted under the nearest GI JOE convoy. It rolls along and can be stored by plugging it into the bottom of the backpack! The detonator is a nifty little device with a pistol grip and detonation trigger and a circular screen with the number 3, presumably showing a countdown. This sort of replaces the walkie-talkie that came with the RAH figure, and I’m cool with that.

As promised, here’s a quick look at both Classified Firefly figures together. I didn’t mind the first one so much, but boy does it come up short compared to this second release. And I mean that both literally and figuratively. Even with his bulky torso armor, he’s tiny compared to Firefly 2.0. I still dig the overall look of the first release, and the drone was a nice touch, but there’s no doubt in my mind that the new one will be my Classified Firefly. Old Firefly will either get relegated to a Tote or perhaps just be a generic Cobra saboteur. I think this comparison is a great example of how far Classified has come, and how much it’s been embracing the franchise roots more than ever.

And there you have it, another slam dunk for the Classified team. Firefly is a fantastic figure and a worthy addition to my Cobra forces for when something needs to go boom. I tend to have a special affinity for the Classified figures that have a more realistic military vibe and Firefly certainly fits that bill. I can’t wait to seat him in one of the Classified Trouble Bubbles I have waiting for him. Which reminds me, I’ve really got to spotlight at those Trouble Bubbles here in the next week or so.

Sep 25 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Scrap Iron by Hasbro

Hasbro had it’s annual PulseCon last Friday and G.I. JOE Classified really ran away with the whole show. There were tons of new reveals, some confirmed rumors, and just lots of beautiful figures to drool over and pre-order. And it also made me realize how behind I am on what’s already here, so I’m going to be pushing the Classified reviews pretty hard over the next month or so. Today I’m digging into what was one of my all-time favorite Cobra figures back in the day. Let’s check out the MOBAT’s worst enemy… Scrap Iron!

Why did I love this guy so much? Probably because he looked so cool and he came with such an amazing bonus weapon. I also had him drive around the Cobra STINGER most of the time because it was his vehicle of choice in the cartoon. Whenever I played with my JOEs, this guy was front and center, usually as Destro’s right hand man. As a Deluxe figure, Scrap Iron comes in a big box to house his mobile Anti-Tank Drone with a swipe on the corner showing all the goodies inside. While I haven’t been a big fan of the no-plastic packaging, I think this is a great presentation. No goofy highly stylized art, just a classic head shot and some digital renders of the figure in action. It’s also worth noting that Hasbro has been killing it with this line so well that I have no problem buying the figures without seeing them through a window.

Classified Scrap Iron stays pretty close to his original vintage roots with dark blue fatigues and a red vest with a pair of sculpted black grenades and a black pouch. His red belt features two thigh straps, with the right one equipped with a holster. He has black knee guards and the only big design difference here is the original red boots have been changed to black with red stripes, and I think that was a good call! The sculpted detail here is really nice with lots of quilted padding on his vest, sculpted elastic around his wrist cuffs, and texturing added to his fatigues. His open collar, exposing the red shirt underneath also calls back tot he original figure. He also has a crisp red Cobra emblem on his shoulder. A always loved how Scrap Iron’s uniform made him look more like a specialized Cobra Trooper than a lot of the other wacky Cobra characters. Classified Scrap Iron is everything I could have asked for in a modern update.

The head sculpt holds some grizzly surprises, but first we’ve got to talk about how awesome his helmet came out. The matte black helmet has a fixed black visor and an angular sculpted Cobra emblem on the forehead just like the original. In this case, we got a little bit of red paint on the emblem, which makes it stand out nicely. What’s more the helmet fits the figure beautifully.

Take it off and I’ve got to just take a moment and bask in all the love and imagination that went into this head sculpt. I remember Scrap Iron’s filecard stated that he conducted field tests for a lot of Destro’s new armaments and I’m guessing that some of them didn’t go so well because this guy is severely burned and disfigured. I can’t say enough about how much I love how the designers extrapolated all this into a portrait for a character that previously always had a permanent helmet. The burns across the left side of his head are grizzly, his left eye is just a milky orb, and he’s got scarring all across the right side of his face and head. It’s kind of tragic when you remember that Scrap Iron was a perfectionist with his filecard stating that any form of imperfection repelled him. That must make it tough for him to look in the mirror. This is peak Classified, and that’s saying a lot when you’re talking about a line this good.

Scrap Iron only has one personal weapon included and that’s his automatic pistol, and when you’re toting around your own tank-busting rocket drone, I guess a pistol is plenty. It’s a cool looking piece with a very pronounced rail on the top and a peg hole in the barrel so it can be used with any of those effect parts that came with past figures. He has two sets of trigger finger hands, so he can wield the pistol left or fight and it stores in the holster nicely.

He also comes with a remote control unit for his Anti-Tank Drone, which replaces the corded firing plunger that came with the original figure. This basically looks like a Nintendo Switch with two antenna and a printed red screen. The only downside here is that there’s nowhere to store it on his person. He can however handle it pretty well in either or both of those trigger finger hands.

And that brings us to the Drone, and it is all sorts of awesome. The original figure came with a static rocket launcher on a tripod, so this treaded mobile launcher is a pretty cool update. This little dealer of destruction has a glossy black finish with some nice angled edges and soft gray treads. There’s a sensor array on the top and the launcher itself is attached to the chassis by a ball joint giving it some nice aiming abilities. There are some red paint hits on the front grills and the rear bumper, as well as in the camera compartment that sits between the rocket tubes. You also get some markings stamped in white on the sides. Hasbro did a beautiful job modernizing the original accessory and I think giving it mobility was a great idea.

The red rockets are perfect callbacks to the originals and are of course removable These have LAZER-GUIDED printed in white lettering on the sides and X04 stamped in black near the fins.

There are effect parts included so you can display them launching from the tubes and these look great, with one being a little longer than the other. These slide into the launch tubes and peg into the back of the missiles. They’re cast in orange semi-translucent plastic with some white smoke smoke painted at the bases.

The set also includes four additional blast effect pieces and these are pretty damn big. Like the launcher effect parts, these are cast in semi-translucent red and orange plastic with white smoke painted in at the bases. These look amazing and they work well as impacts of Scrap Irons’ rockets or as the result of a pesky Skyhawk trying to take out the drone with a couple of its SPATS rockets. Just plain awesome!

I confess to getting a little bit nervous when Classified updates one of my favorite figures, but I don’t know why because they’re nailing it just about every time, and Scrap Iron here is no exception. I love every last thing about this figure and his awesome drone too. The outfit hits all the beats of the original figure and the design team went above and beyond giving my man some real personality in that portrait. It makes my imagination go into overdrive and gives him so much more character. This set retails for $45 and I can’t recommend it enough. And yeah… if it happens to go on sale, I may grab another to add one more drone to my collection.

Sep 4 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Cobra Valkyries by Hasbro

Even an evil organization like Cobra isn’t beyond the reach of having to take on a Diversity Compliance Specialist and as a result we get The Valkyries! That’s right, these Cobra reinforcements arrived over the weekend and I was very excited to take a look at them, so they got bumped to the head of the line. This is a two-pack of Cobra femme fatale troopers with lots of gear and effect parts. In the past, I went pretty nuts buying Cobra Troopers and Officers in this line, but I was able to limit myself to two of these sets for now and will pepper them throughout my Cobra forces. Let’s cue up some Wagner and take a look!

The Valks come in a fully enclosed box with some great renders on the front and a shot of all the accessories included. Inside, you get the figures on a cardboard tray as well as a cardboard footlocker containing paper baggies with all those pieces. There are a lot of tiny pieces in there, so be sure to check those bags thoroughly before pitching them!

Here are the ladies out of the box and geared up. These feature the same body sculpt with most of the blue fatigues being smooth with some rumples, and some sculpted panels on their hips. There’s textured reinforcement on the biceps and up around the shoulders and upper chest, along with a sculpted Cobra emblem. Each figure has high boots, as well as sculpted armor plates for their knees and forearms. One Valk has these pieces painted all black, while the other has some tan paint for the straps on her boots and forearms. They each also have a good bit of separately sculpted pieces, which include the right hip holster, the belt with left cross-draw holster, left bicep strap, and shoulder rigs with a a right side sheath. Thanks to pegs on the backpacks, each Valkyrie can store all their gear, which is always a big plus in my book.

The backpacks have some excellent sculpted detail, but I wish they stayed on a bit better. Also, I’ll concede that I was not a big fan of the tan coloring on the one figure when these were introduced, and I’m still not all that crazy about it. I kind of appreciate Hasbro wanting to offer a little color variety between the two figures, but maybe grey would have been a better way to go. Honestly, I would have been happier if they were both the same black. No, it’s not a dealbreaker for me, but I just like the look of the entirely black and blue uniform better. Apart from that, I think these figures look great and I’ll throw in some pictures at the end to show how well they mix with the other Classified Cobra Troopers.

The set includes a total of three heads and three removable helmets. The two regular heads have face masks and tight fitting hoods similar to the Classified Cobra Troopers. The only other difference here is the sculpt around the exposed eyes. These are not only unique sculpts but one has dark skin and one has light skin.

You also get a gasmask style head with a red visor, which looks pretty damn rad. I do wish we got some completely unmasked heads like Hasbro is doing with their female SHIELD pack in Marvel Legends. You can swap heads with those Marvel Legends figures, but these ball joints are smaller so a bit of putty will be needed to make the replacement noggins a tight fit.

I mentioned three helmets, and the third has a silver badge on the front. V for Valkyrie? I guess this one one works for if you want to make one of the ladies an officer. The three helmets stay on the figures pretty well, but I found that they could get lopsided pretty often and I’m sure that came across in a few of my pictures here.

For weapons, each figure comes with the same arsenal with one set cast in black and the other in tan plastic. Again, still not a big fan of the tan, but I’ll live with it. In total you get two knives, four pistols, two sub-machine guns, and two machine guns. We’ll start small and work our way up. First up is the cutlery and these are pretty standard fighting knives with the blades painted silver and the hilts either black or tan. They’re fine, but not as impressive as some of the other blades we’ve seen recently. The right hand seems to hold them better than the left, even though both hands are designed for the guns.

The automatic pistols are a matched pair for each figure and these are pretty nice. They’re not too chunky and not too small. You get some nice detail in the sculpt and they fit well in either the hands or the holsters. In theory I really like the inclusion of the cross-draw holster, but in practice t doesn’t make much sense since the right hand would obviously just draw the weapon from the right holster.

I like the machine guns a lot. You get a pretty simple grease-gun style sub-machine gun with a removable stick magazine. This one has a flared muzzle and a scope. The scope seems like an odd choice for this kind of weapon, but it’s still a great design that reminds me a bit of the weapon design the Cobra troops often carried in the Sunbow cartoon. The alternative is an automatic rifle with an under the barrel grenade launcher. This is another excellent sculpt and you get a removable magazine as well. And yes, I I still think the scope should have been sculpted on this one.

Finally, the set includes a whole bunch of effect parts for the weapons. I think we’ve seen all of these before, and they tend to vary in how they look. Not that I’m complaining. I’ll take as many of these as I can get. All of the weapons have holes in their barrels and these parts just peg in. Some are designed to peg together for different combinations, and I particularly love the smoking barrel pieces. My only complaint here is that I couldn’t really make one work with the grenade launcher.

After the great Cobra Eel debackle, it’s nice to see that Hasbro is still capable of making good decisions with troop builders. Selling these in two-packs and making them easy to get is a great idea and it’s going to be tough to stick to just two. Not that I have much of a choice, as these did sell out. Hopefully Hasbro will do a restock, especially if they like money. Sure, Hasbro Pulse isn’t my first choice for online shopping, and I tend to stick to them only for exclusives like this, but I’ll admit that they’ve been pretty good about getting figures out and delivered in a timely manner. The price was $55, and that feels about right considering how many extras are included.

Aug 23 2023

G.I. JOE Classified: Torpedo by Hasbro

My pile of GI JOE Classified figures is stacking up, so I really need to double my efforts to get into these. Three reviews a week seems like a lot of work, but it isn’t enough to keep up with all the toys I want to look at. In a lot of cases, I’ve been doubling up on figures in each review, but I feel as if there’s too much great stuff to talk about with the Classified figures and I want to give each one their own review. So, let’s take a dive under the water today and check out  Ed Leialoha, aka Torpedo!

I was probably around thirteen when I got the first Torpedo figure and he was one of my absolute favorites for a while. Keep in mind, my first experiences playing with GI JOE was with the 12-inch figures. My Uncle had given my brother and I his whole collection and we were always playing with them. When I started getting the new 3 3/4-inch JOEs, I tended to really take to the ones with a lot of gear, so figures like Snowjob and Torpedo were among my favorites because all their gear reminded me of playing with the bigger figures. Also, whenever I would get a new JOE my Dad would explain a lot of the filecard stuff to me, as he was a military history buff. I can still remember getting Torpedo and him telling me all about Navy SEALs and what they did. I think he was happy to see me move from playing with Star Wars to GI JOE because it was something he could relate to a little more… at least until things started getting really goofy. Anyway, Torpedo comes in a fully enclosed box with some excellent artwork. Inside you get a cardboard foot locker with all his gear in a tissue paper bag.

Here is the base figure before suiting up to dive under the waves and boy does he look great! Hasbro did very little to change that iconic black and gray suit, and I’m certainly happy about that. They did add some paint to the belt, which adds a bit of detail, but my favorite addition is the little sonar instrument he has attached to his right wrist. He also adds a brace of pouches strapped to his left thigh and a sheath for his combat knife on his right thigh. You get a soft plastic shoulder harness with a couple of red pouches added to his right shoulder, and a black one on the left. This is exactly how I like to see my Classified figures, with deep roots in the vintage original and just enough modern flourishes to make if feel fresh.

The head sculpt is pretty good, but I think they uglied Ed up a bit. Hey, not every JOE can be as handsome as Chuckles, and to be honest I think the portrait gives him a lot of personality. The skin tone is also excellent, especially considering my vintage Torpedo looked like he had jaundice. There is some pretty bad paint slop around the lines of the hood where the black paint is over sprayed onto his skin. It’s tolerable when the figure is in hand, but it looks absolutely terrible when you punch in close. If he shows up for clearance, I may try my luck on another, otherwise I can live with it. Let’s check out some of his weapons before he hits the water.

I really dig how Hasbro is improving the knives in this line. For a while we were just getting simple sculpts cast in black plastic, but here we get a red painted grip and a black blade with a serrated back and a nasty looking clip to the point. This fits perfectly in the sheath and he can comfortably wield it in either hand.

Next up we get a sweet little automatic short-barreled rifle with a removable magazine. This is a great bonus, since the original figure only came with his harpoon, and sometimes even divers have to exterminate Cobras on dry land. The sculpt on this little weapon is very detailed, and while I don’t recognize the model, the design definitely looks like it’s grounded in reality. OK… time to suit up and go below!

Much like the vintage figure, Classified Torpedo has a pair of flippers and an O2 tank for his back, but here we actually add a face mask. The backpack is a pretty big departure from the vintage design, but I still like it a lot. Gone are the thruster-like side pieces and the red tanks, all abandoned for a simple and streamlined black tank. The flippers are cast in soft plastic and actually fit around his feet, rather than just pegging into the bottoms. They also have holes so you still have access to the foot pegs, which is a great little touch.

The mask has hoses that peg into the O2 tank and it just fits right over the head with soft plastic straps. This is such a great addition to the figure, as I had to use my childhood imagination that there was some kind of shield over vintage Torpedo’s eyes. The goggle lenses are painted silver and you get some red gray paint hits on the breather apparatus. The tubes even seem to stay put when I articulate his head, which is a nice surprise, as I thought they’d be popping out left and right.

Finally, you get the harpoon gun. A lot of folks were complaining about how rubbery and warped this thing was, so I was a bit worried when I opened the bag of accessories. It is indeed rubbery and warpy, but mine is actually not too bad. I like the sculpted loop to hook it around his arm, and there’s a clip on the bottom of the O2 tank to store it horizontally across his lower back.

Dare I say that Classified Torpedo is a direct hit? Well he is in my book! He’s the textbook example of what I look for in these figures. The base body lines up beautifully with the vintage design, while the scuba gear is all given a well needed modern update. The bendy harpoon gun is a tad disappointing and the paint on the head could have been a lot cleaner, but there’s so much else to love here, I’m not going to let it sink my enjoyment of this figure. The only sad thing here is that I don’t have a Cobra Eel for him to fight, and who knows if I ever will. Hasbro decided to make it an Amazon exclusive and it sold out fast and scalpers are selling them at double the price or more. Still, I think I’ll keep the nautical theme going for my next Classified review… but will it be Cobra or another JOE? We’ll see…

Jul 24 2023

G.I. JOE Classified: Bazooka by Hasbro

It’s hard to believe that I haven’t revisited the Classified line since April, but then again I have been getting caught up on the Super7 G.I. JOE Ultimates line, so that’s the excuse I’m going with. Nevertheless the Classified figures have been piling up and it’s time to remedy that today as we look at David Katzenbogen, aka Bazooka!

Yeah, I am not a fan of this art. This might be cool as an art print, but why Hasbro thinks this is a good way to convey what’s in the box for an action figure line is beyond me. It looks like something you’d find hanging on the wall at wine and cheese night at the community college art show. At least you get a small picture of the figure on the front and more on the back panel. I was excited to get Bazooka because I was a big fan of the vintage figure, and I always thought the cartoon did him dirty. The Bazooka figure I played with was a fast and decisive thinker, just like his filecard noted, and not a slow, dimwitted guy who could barely articulate his thoughts into the English language. G.I. JOE was supposed to be the best of the best, and my vision of this character fit that ideal a little better.

In terms of sculpting, Bazooka was one of the simpler figures for Hasbro to produce, but he still looks great. His standard issue trousers have some sculpted pockets and are tucked into high black boots. This is all contrasted by his bright red football jersey with blue and white numbering and sleeve stripes. Yeah, the numbering is interrupted by the cut for his chest ball joint, but it’s not like that could be helped. He has a pair of green wrist cuffs and a black belt with silver buckle that is attached around his waist. This looks good, but it can have a habit of riding up when posing him. I really dig the build Hasbro gave him, as he’s a pretty buff figure all around with some nice muscle definition in his arms.

While Bazooka has standard Classified male articulation, the jointing on this guy feels a little weird. The joints offer a little more resistance and sometimes when I thought I had tweaked them, they revert back to the way they were. I’ve found that working the figure has resolved this a bit, and I’m hoping that the more I play around with him, the more cooperative his joints will get. Because of his dual handed weapon, Bazooka comes with two trigger finger hands, and that’s cool because these can double as fists well enough.

The portrait is really good, even if it strays a bit into caricature, I’m not looking for super realism on my Classified figures and I dig when they get a bit stylized. He’s got a power house of a neck, a beefy cleft chin, high cheek bones, and a bushy mustache and eyebrows. The paint could be lined up on that stache a little better, but it’s not too bad. The helmet has some sculpted wrinkles to show it’s got a cover on it and I love how one of the chin straps flies off to the side. There ain’t no way those straps are going under that monument of a chin anyway! The helmet is removable and you get a neatly combed coif with a sharply defined part.

All of Bazooka’s accessories fit on his back, which is pretty cool. You get the backpack that holds four of his bazooka rounds and two arms to attach the bazooka across the back. The pack is cast in olive green plastic with some nice detail. The four compartments up top house the bazooka rounds, of which two are left plain, one has a painted yellow tip, and the other has some nose art on it. The bazooka has some excellent detail too and the padding on the side is painted black.

There’s also a sling if you prefer to have the bazooka over his shoulder. I imagine it can be difficult to get through doors with it stored horizontal on the pack.

The back of the bazooka is pegged and swings open so you can load in one of the rounds. I think this is a great idea, but this piece comes off way too easily. You can also have a round peeking out the front as if it’s about to fire or in the process of firing. I like to pop the yellow tip in there because it’s easier to see. I think Hasbro really missed an opportunity here not to give us a smoke trail to show the round leaving the tube and a blowback effect part for the back. They’re doing some amazing effect parts with the multi-packs and Bazooka would have been a great opportunity to introduce some here.

Lack of effect parts aside, I think Hasbro did a great job on this figure. He’s a great mix of realistic military MOS with the colorful characters that the G.I. JOE brand brings to the table. His gear is fun to play with and it’s always a plus for me when a figure can carry everything they come with. Now if we can get Alpine and Quick Kick to display by his side, I’ll be even happier!

Apr 14 2023

G.I. JOE Classified: Cover Girl by Hasbro

Hasbro continues to have the Classified release gun set to full auto, and I sure ain’t complaining. I have had some issues with their other lines of late (some of those may not have been published here yet… but they will!), but it seems that I can continue to count on this line to be evergreen. I also love how impossible it is to predict what figures we’re going to see next. Case in point… Cover Girl was mainly known as the Wolverine driver and I’d probably rank her as a C-lister at best in terms of the G.I. JOE fiction, but I was still delighted to see her solicitation come up, and now I’m excited to check her out!

This is the first time I’m looking at a regular release Classified JOE without a window box. I talked about my issues with this back when I looked at Indiana Jones, so I won’t go through it again. The figure comes wrapped in a GI JOE branded paper bag with the accessories in another bag, stuffed in an illustrated cardboard footlocker. And that’s pretty cool. What isn’t cool is how much I absolutely hate this character art. I have no idea what were they going for here, and I’m not going to bother to speculate. If you’re going to take the window away, at least give us some decent art on the cover. Well, it’s all probably moot, since Hasbro just announced that they’re returning to plastic windows for their 6-inch lines. Anyway… Courtney is an interesting release, as she was originally bundled as the driver for the Wolverine, and I hate to break it to you, but there ain’t no Wolverine in that little box. That’s OK, though… let’s check her out.

And what we have is another Classified figure that perfectly strides that line between homage and modern update. Her trademark bomber jacket has some sculpted white fur fringe around the neck, and some great detail in the pockets, buttons and tailoring lines. It’s cast in soft plastic with the sleeves sculpted on the arms, and I think it looks great! The RAH figure had matching cream-colored top and trousers, but here we get the trousers in khaki, which adds a little more color. There are reinforced patches on the fronts of her thighs, knee guards, and high brown boots with olive green reinforcements on the fronts. I love the way her pants legs bunch up at the tops of the boots, and they gave her some finger-less gloves, which the RAH figure lacked. This figure also adds a double belt with a slot for her wrench and two thigh rigs, one for her pistol holster and one to hold her PDA. She certainly looks the part of a rough-and-tumble combat mechanic, and it’s a nice nod to her RAH file card, which listed her as having proficiency in diesel mechanics and gas turbine technology.

I was in love with the portrait from the original solicitation shots, mainly because I could see some likeness to J. Scott Campbell’s particular style, whether intentional or not. The final production head loses a little something, but I still think it’s pretty great. The curve of the nose, the arch of the eyebrows, and the full lips are where I see the most JSC in there. The eyes have some nice printing and I think the hair sculpt looks solid.

I’m at the point where I’ve looked at enough of Classified that running through articulation gets redundant. I will say that I’m thrilled to see the double-hinged elbows and bicep swivels in the ladies, and that this figure has some nice range of motion and balance to her. I had no issues with stuck joints allowing Cover Girl to skip the hot tub, aka microwaved coffee cup of water.

Her PDA is a simple but wonderful accessory with a sticker on the front showing the schematics to her beloved vehicle. The printing here is so on point, making it look like it’s an actual glowing screen. I’d like to think that she knows the Wolverine by heart and she just carries that around so she can look at it lovingly when the two are apart. The storage slot for it works very well too! She also has the simple black wrench, which I would have preferred be painted silver, but it’s a great inclusion.

Courtney comes with a very nice automatic pistol with some silver paint on the slide. She held proficiency in the use of the M1911, and this stands in pretty well as a modern version.

And finally she comes with a shotgun for when she empties all dozen of the Wolverine’s missiles and she has to climb out and take care of business herself. The sculpt here is a little softer than the pistol, but it sure isn’t bad, although it’s weird to see bolt action on a military shotgun. I like that Hasbro threw in some olive paint on the foregrip. It’s a unique and nice looking gun, and I wish there was a scabbard for it for her back like Flint got.

Damn, this is a great figure! Granted, I have mixed feelings about getting vehicle drivers as single release figures. Does getting Cover Girl mean we have no chance at a 6-inch scale Wolverine? Does it make it more of a possibility? Probably the former. I have no doubt that Hasbro could do a pretty good Wolverine in this scale as a HasLab project, but if it were a possibility I’m sure they would have saved Cover Girl to bundle with it. Besides, I’m sure there are a bunch of GI JOE vehicles that would be considered more iconic and more likely to have a chance. Either way, I’m happy to have Courtney on my shelf! But Hasbro really needs to do a do-over on Scarlett. She just does not hold up at all.