Some new Dreadnoks arrived last week, one of whom, Torch, completes the original trio of terror. I’ve already checked out Buzzer last year, but I never got around to Ripper, so I decided to pair them up for today’s review. It seems somehow appropriate since back in the 25th Anniversary Collection, Buzzer got his own release and Ripper and Torch were sold in a two-pack. I make it no secret that I absolutely loved the Dreadnoks in both the original Real American Hero line and the Sunbow cartoon. These guys were like throwing a bomb into the middle of the balance of power, and with how often Zartan and the Dreadnoks betrayed Cobra when I played with my JOEs, it’s a wonder why they kept hiring them. And their sudden reversal at the end of the second cartoon Mini-Series remains one of my all time favorite moments from that series.

One nice thing about waiting so long to get to Ripper is that it lets me to a side-by-side comparison of the package changes. Buzzer and Ripper were released in the plastic-free, fully enclosed box, but Torch sees the return of the window box. I’m glad I don’t collect these figures for boxed display because this sort of thing would drive me crazy. It also means that only Ripper and Torch get those nifty cardboard footlockers for their gear. Still, all in all I like the window boxes a lot better, as it gives you a great look at the figure and most of what he comes with. Let’s start with Ripper, since he’s been waiting around for a long time!

Infamous for extorting candy in nursery school, Ripper has been a bad seed his whole life and now he’s arrived to make life miserable for the JOEs. The Classified figure takes the original RAH design and runs with it. His camo tank top is no longer a half-shirt and now completely covers his abs. The blue jeans are a darker denim with some nice texturing, there’s a wide belt, a chain hooked onto two of the belt loops, black knee pads and high black boots. The gold bicep band on the original figure’s right arm is now fully fleshed out with a spike strip, there’s a sculpted wrist band on his left arm, and the holster that was sculpted onto the original figure’s right thigh is now a fully functional separate piece, held in place by friction. The sculpted grenade and knife on the RAH figure is replaced with a separate shoulder harness that’s worn by the figure. It’s got a pair of pineapple style grenades sculpted onto the right shoulder strap, while the left one has a functional sheath for his combat knife. And, of course, the shoulders are reinforced with spikes! Everything about Ripper screams that society failed him, and I love everything about this update, and we haven’t even gotten to the head sculpt yet.

Oh yeah! Ripper’s giant meat head, features a full beard, mutton chops, and I don’t even know how to describe that haircut, but I do know that the barber responsible hates the world. He’s got a mohawk that tufts in the front and runs down the back to form a mullet tail, while the sides are close shaven. And boy did Hasbro do a nice job texturing that buzz cut. He’s got one dogtag serving as a right earring and a necklace of more dogtags strung around his neck. I also failed to previously mention the beautiful tatts that he’s got printed on his right shoulder and left arm.

The glasses are removable, and these work a heck of a lot better than Buzzer’s did, which had problems staying put. I’m not going to say these will never fall off when posing or playing, but they do stay on much, much better. Take them off and you can see him popping a glass eye with a smiley face in his right socket, and that has got to be one of the greatest and most bizarre little touches I’ve ever seen on a mainstream, mass market action figure. And for you parents out there, you can have fun explaining to little Timmy what the tear drop tattoo under the left eye means! Ripper’s whole expression is fantastic, as he growls, showing his teeth. You even get scars bisecting both of his eyebrows. Top notch work!

Moving on to weapons, we’ll start small. The thigh holster houses a rather unique pistol that looks like some kind of Road Warrior custom job. There’s no visible magazine, so it may be very low capacity. It does have a serrated knife-style bayonet on it, and overall looks pretty cool.

The combat knife stowed in his shoulder sheath is a nice piece of work. It has a sawback blade with a clipped point and a knuckle guard on the hilt. A lot of these Classified knives are just tiny black pieces of plastic with no personality, so I really enjoy when the cutlery gets a little extra love thrown its way. I also dig how the left hand is perfectly sculpted to hold it, but will still work as a trigger-finger hand for the guns.

Next up is his rifle with the crazy curved metal splitter blade. I fell in love with this rifle design ever since I first saw it in the animated commercial for Marvel’s GI JOE #30. The initial main strategy of the Dreadnoks seemed to be that they just snuck into your base while you were sleeping and wrecked your equipment like a bunch of assholes. Anyway, this weapon is so damn badass, and Ripper was using it to stab the hell out of a VAMP in the commercial. There is some fantastic sculpted detail on this weapon, including a scope, top rail, suppressor, and it has a removable magazine. There’s also a peg on his back, so you can secure it through the trigger guard.

And that brings us to Ripper’s signature weapon, the giant power jaws. Patterned after the Jaws of Life that first responders use to rescue people, Ripper just uses it to wreck stuff. It looks like the unholy mating of a pincer claw and a leaf blower and I do love it. I’m kind of disappointed that we didn’t get a backpack and power cable to go with it, but in fairness it does seem to be redesigned to be self contained. Maybe it’s for the better because the power cable on my 25th Anni. Ripper was pretty frustrating and to be honest, I’d rather have the option to stow his rifle on his back when he’s using this thing. OK, let’s turn up the heat and move on to Torch!

The OG Dreadnok trio is rounded out by Torch, and there’s no way I can write a better introduction to him than what was printed on his original filecard. “Torch is an illiterate, unrepentant thug whose penchant for sudden and unexpected violence is matched only by the utter depth of his stupidity.” That’s just gold. As with his comrades, the Classified Torch sticks pretty close to the original RAH design, but maybe with fewer embellishments here. The leather jacket is cast in soft plastic and worn by the figure with the same three straps connecting it below his chest. There’s some bright and snappy silver paint applied to the buckles and zippers, as well as the chain loops at the shoulders, and studs on the back. I do kind of miss the graphic added to the jacket for the 25th Anniversary figure, I thought that was a nice bit of embellishment and added some character, but i guess the studs are nice too. The light blue jeans are textured and disappear into his high black boots, which have reinforced knees. He has twin holsters attached to his thighs and held on by friction, along with a spiked band on his left arm. His hands have sculpted gloves, with chains wrapped around the wrists. These are left gray plastic, and it’s a shame they couldn’t have been painted silver. The silver belt sculpted around his waist looks very nice, and I dig the flame tats on his forearms. He also has some cheeky flame patches on the back pockets of his jeans!

The head sculpt is solid, but I feel like it shows a little lower effort compared to Buzzer and Ripper, kind of like they started to run out of steam by the time they got to him. It definitely hits all the beats of the RAH original, with the mustache, side beard, and ball chin. He’s also got his trademark glasses and red headband. The glasses are are part of the sculpt this time, and I don’t have a problem with that considering the success rate on glasses so far was only 50-50. But, the overall quality of the sculpt here seems softer and less detailed. There are also uneven lines around the beard’s paint, which is disappointing. I do like the studded choker and the animal skull pendant is very cool, especially the way the neck cord looks like horns protruding from the top. This is not in any way a bad portrait, just a step down from the other really great ones.

The dual holsters hold a matched pair of automatic pistols. These are cast in grey plastic and nicely detailed. You also get holes in the barrels for blast effect parts, though none are included. Considering the original figure only came with his torch and backpack, it’s cool that he got a pair of pistols here.

Of course, Torch comes his signature weapon, which was an acetylene torch. The tanks are worn on his back and are given a bit more personality here, with the central tank painted in yellow and decked out with some graphics and the and “Nocks Rule” There’s a hose coming off the side of the backpack, which plugs into the torch itself. The torch can be attached to the bottom of the tanks for storage, with the hose awkwardly looping out to the side. But, you can remove the hose if it gets in the way.

The torch is cast in gray plastic and has two handles, with the trigger being in the front. There’s also a really bitchin demon skull on the front with the tip of the torch protruding from its jaws and flame shooting up from the eye sockets. As cool as the flaming eyes are, it’s a pity they aren’t removable for when the torch is not in use, because with them there it looks like it’s always on. You get three different flame effect pieces, the first of which is just a bit of flame puffing out the nozzle.

Now, I’m certainly no expert, but I think I know the difference between an acetylene torch and a flamethrower, but I’m not sure the world of GI JOE does, because this thing is clearly a flame thrower. I don’t know, it has three tanks on the back, which is one more than you need for an acetylene torch, so maybe it’s rigged as both? Sure, let’s go with that. Still, who’s going to quibble when the flame effects look this damn good!

Boy it feels great to have the original three Dreadnoks finally together in the Classified line! If we’re going by the figure itself, I think Ripper is my favorite of the three, with Buzzer second and Torch falling in a close third. On the other hand, if we’re going by specialty weapon, Torch takes the prize because he just looks so damn cool shooting out those flame effects. Either way, you can’t go wrong with this trinity of terror, and they look fantastic with Zartan and Zarana. Gnawgahyde and his menagerie also arrived, so I hope to be getting to him soon. Next on the top of my list will be Zanzabar!

One thing I was very thankful for this past Thanksgiving week was the arrival of some choccy donut chomping, grape soda slurping ruffians in the form of some Classified Dreadnoks. Well, at least Buzzer and Ripper. And as the great philsopher Meat Loaf once said, two outta three ain’t bad. Even as I was starting to drift away from GI JOE around 85 and 86, Zartan and the Dreadnoks captured my imagination, mostly thanks to their wonderful debut in the Revenge of Cobra miniseries. Boy was I excited for these guys in Classified!

Buzzer comes in the now standard plastic-free fully enclosed box. Word is that Hasbro is going back to window boxes, but so far I’ve only seen evidence of that with the upcoming release of the Deluxe Mutt and Junkyard set. I’ve said before I like this packaging and I’d be happy if they stuck with it, but chances are I’ll only be keeping the cardboard footlockers and eventually ditching the boxes. Buzzer was my favorite of the original three Dreadnoks, but I couldn’t write you an argument as to why I favored him as a kid. I just did, and still do.

And just as I hoped and expected, Classified Buzzer hits all the familiar beats of the original RAH figure with enough added detail to bring him up to date with modernity. The khaki button down has ragged cuts where the sleeves were and a plunging neckline to show his manly hooligan chesticles. You get a right side shoulder strap with some sculpted grenades, one pineapple and one cannister, and these look almost good enough to fool me into thinking they’re removable. He has a badge and some dog tags on the left side of his chest, brown gloves, a wristwatch, and just check out that bitchin’ silver skull and crossbones belt buckle. So cool! The trousers are blue, he has thigh armor with integral holster and sheath, knee guards, and some kicking brown boots. The sculpt here is great and while the colors are a bit more muted than the RAH figure, the deco still works as a faithful homage.

The wrist watch is on a wide band and it’s removable. I also dig the tattoo on his left bicep. The tat is a beautiful update to the simple stamp on the RAH figure and it’s been relocated from the front of the bicep to the side, which feels more appropriate.

The head sculpt is also excellent even if I feel it strays quite a bit from the vintage influences. There’s a wee bit more Sunbow in here and a good bit of James Marsters as Spike from the Buffy TV series, and I sure ain’t hating it. He’s got some chiseled lines in his sunken cheeks, a cleft chin, and a prominent brow. His blonde hair is sculpted in a tight fashion, pulled into a ponytail in the back. This portrait works more as a dangerous villain than the clowning hooligan from the cartoon and I dig it a lot. And then there are the glasses…

For a company that gave us some absolutely incredibly 6-inch scale specs in the Indiana Jones line, these are kind of rough and disappointing. And it’s not that they look bad, but they just don’t fit the figure well, nor do they stay on. And that’s because there’s no design mechanism to keep them in place. They’re sort of supposed to tuck behind the ears, but they really don’t. The best I could get was for the left arm be flush with the head and the right arm popping off to the side. I may wind up gluing these to the figure and if I do that I’ll hope to pick up a second Buzzer on clearance down the road. Either way, this should have been done better. With that said, let’s check out his weaponry… And we’ll start big and work our way down…

They don’t call him Buzzer for nothing! This malicious miscreant comes with his trademark chainsaw. It’s a menacing looking bit of hardware with a black casing and silver blade. The casing and motor has some really nice sculpted detail, as does the chain on the blade. The final piece is missing some of the silver paint hits shown on the package rendering, but it does add some flat gray plastic parts, which I think makes up for it. Buzzer’s left hand isn’t quite positioned perfectly to make use of the grab bar, but he can make it work. The only thing disappointing here is that he doesn’t come with the Alice-Frame mounted gas can that the vintage figure had. I’m not sure how Hasbro missed that, but it’s another bit of disappointment to add to Buzzer. Also, since they didn’t include the gas can backpack, I would have loved to see a peg on the chainsaw so he could wear it on his back.

Buzzer also comes with an update to the RAH figure’s weird chain axe weapon. I consider this to be pretty iconic for him too, and Hasbro did a decent job with it. The chain is just sculpted plastic, but you get some sculpted wrappings around the handle. A real chain would have been preferred, but I still like this weapon a lot.

Another interesting piece for his custom arsenal is this baseball bat with two serrated axe blades mounted to it. I’m not sure if this is a weapon included with a later version of the figure or just something Hasbro made up for Classified, but I heartedly approve. I love the idea that the Dreadnoks spend their downtime in a garage bolting together various bits to come up with crazy new murder implements. The bat is black, the blades are painted silver and you get some silver paint on the handle wrappings. It’s pretty bad-ass!

And lastly we come to the two more conventional weapons: A fighting knife and an automatic pistol. The pistol is a compact little piece cast in black plastic. I guess when you carry around blades on chains and baseball bat axes, you don’t need to make a statement with your sidearm. It has good sculpted detail and even some painted wraps around the grip, which is a surprisingly nice little touch.

The knife is simple, but looks good. Hasbro ponied up for some silver paint on the blade, which is always a welcome treat. Both the knife and pistol are the only accessories that he can store on his person.

Buzzer is a really good figure with a few missed opportunities. I love everything about the figure itself, but it’s hard to imagine how Hasbro thought the glasses were supposed to work. As I said earlier, I may just wind up gluing them on, but I’m going to wait to see if I can find a second Buzzer on clearance down the road. The missing gas can is also a shame, but an easy fix for that would be to include it as an accessory with a Dreadnok motorcycle release later on. I don’t really think that will happen, but it would be an easy re-sculpt using parts from some of bikes released in the Marvel Legends line and I’m pretty sure it would sell. A set of three Dreadnok bikes and accessories as a HasLab? Yeah, that might work.