Tag Archives: gi joe classified

Dec 2 2024

G. I. JOE Classified: Alpine by Hasbro

As I continue to pack things away prior to my move early next year, access to my collection will be shrinking, thus limiting what I’ll be able to pull out for review here. I am trying to spotlight some things before they get packed away, but it won’t be possible to get everything. Classified, however, will be the last part of my collection that I box up, so you’ll likely see an increase in Classified reviews over the next couple of months. And hey, that ain’t a bad thing! And it’s likely that I’ll be missing a midweek review here and there as demands on my time increase. Anyway, the last batch of Classified that I got in was pretty Cobra focused, so let’s switch back to the good guys and take a look at Alpine today!

Once again, I find this current window box design to be peak Classified packaging. It’s pretty compact, looks great, and mostly lets the figure do the talking. I loved Alpine on the Sunbow cartoon and the original RAH figure was released at least a year before I started getting out of toys, so I couldn’t tell you why I never owned this figure as a kid. Honestly, I don’t remember ever even seeing him on the pegs, but chances are there was probably just that one figure competing with him that I wanted more. After all, 85-86 had some really heavy hitters contending for my allowance. But still, considering the living room sofa doubled as a mountain to stage many of my JOE battles, it’s bewildering to me that I never opted to get their Mountain Trooper.

Albert leans into the original figure design pretty strong. He’s got the green jacket with all sorts of reinforced patches. And instead of being all sculpted on the body like the original, we get the usual soft-vest with jacket sleeves sculpted on the arms and the illusion works fairly well here. I want to say the original figure had brown pants, whereas here we get gray. The boots are black with a green reinforced framework. The larger scale let Hasbro go all out with his gear, including a separate belt with two sculpted clusters of silver climbing hooks hanging off the sides. He’s got a chalk bag positioned in the back middle of the belt and there are various loops to attach gear to. We’ll come back to those in a bit. Finally, he has a coil of rope that rests on his shoulder and can be removed and fingerless black gloves.

Oh yeah, he’s also representing his home, Idaho with this cheesy, touristy T-shirt. It’s a wonderful little touch and I love it!

The head sculpt is OK. Again, since I didn’t own the RAH figure, I think I associate Alpine more with the cartoon than anything else so maybe that’s why this portrait isn’t a direct hit for me. It’s certainly not bad though. The ballcap is removable and the goggles can be worn up on his forehead or down over his eyes. It didn’t seem like they could comfortably fit over the cap though. The goggles have nice clear lenses and they look really good over the eyes.

Alpine’s climbing gear is mostly recreated from the RAH accessories, except you get two climbing axes instead of just one, while instead of two grappling hooks on one string you get a bigger, single hook. I’m pretty sure the climbing axes are new, or at least I haven’t seen them included with any of the figures I own. These are very nicely done with orange handles and silver painted blades. I especially love that they aren’t the same sculpt, as one has sculpted green tape near the handle. On the one hand, that’s an impressive little touch, on the other hand, it kind of makes up for the fact that they are the only new accessories included with him. Although I will toss it out there, that these look more like ice axes, but seeing as how I have lived in Florida for the last 30 years, I am in no way an expert on mountain climbing or ice, as we have none of those things here, so I may be far off base on that.

There are loops on the back of the belt that look like they are designed to hold the climbing axes, but they seem really awkward in those, so I opted to tuck them through the belts around his thighs. This method looks much more natural to me and makes Alpine a lot less likely to impale himself through the backs of his knees. That frees up any of the loops you want to hold the grappling hook, which is the same accessory that came with Arctic Storm Shadow.

His final piece of climbing gear is the rifle-style launch line, and this is the same one we saw included with the Alley Viper. I wasn’t a huge fan of this accessory with the Alley Viper, but it makes a lot more sense here. The grapple harpoon is painted orange to match the grips on the climbing axes, while the rifle is a nicely detailed sculpt and includes a scope. There’s also a loop on the gun and on the grapple to connect a piece of string, but it’s not included, so bring your own string. Now is as good a time as any to bring up the conspicuous absence of a backpack. The RAH figure came with one and it was integral to him carrying all his gear, but we don’t get one here and that seems like a really big oversight. Let’s move on to Alpine’s single weapon.

Like the grapple rifle, this assault rifle is also borrowed from the Alley Viper, which makes for a rather big departure from the submachine gun issued with the RAH figure. That weapon made more sense as it’s more compact and probably easier to handle when climbing. This one isn’t terribly large or unwieldly, but still maybe not ideal. On the other hand it’s one of my favorite weapon sculpts in the line. The detail is amazing, it’s got a drop out magazine and optics up on top. This one also has the magazine and stock painted green to give it a little character.

I like Alpine a lot, but I’m falling just short of loving him. The figure itself is fine, but I’m always a little disappointed when these guys can’t carry all their gear, and that goes double for a guy who should be able to pack all his gear while he’s climbing a mountain. The belt design doesn’t seem to really gel with the gear he has and the lack of a backpack to attach his grapple gun and rifle to is really unforgivable. I know I can’t be alone on that one, because it looks like a number of third-party talents have been 3D printing backpacks for this guy. Still, if this is what a disappointing Classified figure looks like, I’d say Hasbro is still doing pretty well. And it’s good to get Bazooka and Quick Kick reunited with their best bud.

Oct 21 2024

G. I. JOE Classified: Retro Carded Cobra Commander by Hasbro

Howdy, Toy Hounds, as you know it’s been a crazy couple of weeks in my neck of the woods. Hurricanes and a long work week have taken their toll and FFZ had to take a mini hiatus while I recouped. Today’s review was meant for last week, but it was unfinished, and rather than re-write it, I wrapped it up and kicked it out for today. I would imagine the blog’s downtime will affect my plans to get all the Halloween content out, but I’ll likely extend that stuff into November if I have to. I have another pretty full work week this week as well, so we’ll see how it goes. OK… on with the toys!

I had planned to get to the Classified Cobra STINGER this week, but work’s been crazy and we’ve got another hurricane bearing down on us, so I’m bumping it for when I have more time and am not so stressed. Instead, let’s turn our attention to the figure that a lot of Classified collectors have been waiting for… Retro Cobra Commander! Of course, we got a Classified Cobra Commander way back at the beginning and it was a solid figure that I still dig a lot. But since then Classified has steered into traditional designs a lot harder and just like the original Duke and Scarlett, he doesn’t quite fit anymore. Then we got a more traditional Cobra Commander, but you had to buy a $300 HISS Tank to get him, so that wasn’t cool. But even back then rumors were buzzing that we’d get The Commander in wider retail release, so I held off opening my HasLab one to wait and see. And here we are!

Just to try a little something different, I’m going with a comparison instead of my traditional in-package shot. On the left we have the HasLab figure and on the right the new Retro Carded release. There are key differences, albeit a lot of those are in the paint, and you got one extra accessory with the HasLab release in the form of a snake coiled around a globe. The card art on the HasLab version is more traditional and you get the separate compartment at the top for the accessories, whereas the new release has just one elongated bubble. I like the overall art and presentation of the HasLab version much more, which is convenient, because I doubt I’ll ever open that one. And based on what I’ve seen so far, I think I’m going to dig the new release a lot more than the HasLab figure. But, let’s not jump the gun!

The uniform is as classic as you can get. He’s got the all blue suit, including the tunic with the buttons running up the right side, wide lapels, and a light blue turtleneck shirt peeking out from behind. Those black diamonds in his collar were always so iconic to me, even if I had no idea why they were there. He’s got the proper insignia this time, as opposed to the Mickey Mouse one on the HasLab release. The upper belt is painted white, while the lower belt is black with a silver buckle. He has matte black gauntlets and boots, with painted stirrups running down around the boots. There’s a knife sheath strapped to his left leg and he’s got a backpack to hold his trademark hairdryer pistol. The paint here is really on point, especially the silver buckles and the red striping down the trousers.

The helmet is very nice, particularly the vac-metal face plate, which is something I would have expected to see in a HasLab release and not a regular retail figure. The helmet features the white mohawk stripe from the cartoon and the edges of the helmet are much better defined against the face plate than the HasLab version. I dig this a lot!

The Commander sports some excellent articulation, which is pretty much in line with the usual Classified system of jointing. You do get the butterfly crunches in the shoulders, which is great. There are also these strange swivels just above the ankles, which I don’t recall ever seeing on a Classified figure before. Usually the lower leg swivels would be at the tops of boots. But hey, I’m not going to complain about added points. As for hands, CC comes with a pair of fists, a pair of trigger finger hands, a right pointing hand, and a left wide grip hand, which is left over from the HasLab figure and designed to hold the globe that was omitted here.

The backpack holster does it’s job well. The sleeve is sculpted to hug the contours of the weapon and it stays put just fine. You get some silver paint hits to whatever those buttons are supposed to be and there’s a Cobra emblem on a black field inside the disk on the outside of the holster. This backpack actually has one additional paint hit that is missing from the HasLab release.

I couldn’t tell you why, but I absolutely love CC’s hairdryer gun. Next to the JOE laser rifle, it’s probably my favorite weapon in all of JOEdom. It’s just a neat sci-fi design with some excellent detail in the sculpt. the muzzle looks like it’s designed to spit out a vicious hot energy beam and I can just picture The Commander laughing maniacally as he torches invading JOEs entering his Command Center. I was pretty upset that we didn’t get one with the first Classified Commander, but now all is right with the world.

Of course, the dagger is removable from the sheath, and it’s a pretty cool little Fairbairn–Sykes style weapon. Alas, The Commander doesn’t come with a hand that’s very well suited to wielding it. The best bet is either of the gun-holding hands and it does work, but not quite ideal. It’s hard to imagine the Sunbow Commander going up against anyone in a knife fight, but I’d like to think of this Classified Commander as being just a tad more spicy and unpredictable.

I love that Hasbro is using this Retro Carded sub-line as a way to bring earlier Classified figures in line with the more traditional direction that the line has taken. As I mentioned earlier, I still like the first Classified Commander quite a bit, but there’s no doubt that this one will be The Commander that I display front and center in my collection. Hasbro did an excellent job hitting all of my favorite design beats, and I never would have thought we’d get a vac-metal face shield in a regular release. I know a lot of people out there are still hoping for a hooded version, and while I’d like to see that too, this helmet remains my favorite look for The Commander, so either way I’m covered!

Sep 18 2024

G. I. JOE Classified: Big Boa by Hasbro

While I still have lots of old favorites to cover, GI JOE Classified is starting to dip into characters that appeared in the toy shelves after I was done buying toys as a kid, and a long way from me buying them as an adult. Some of these I may skip if I have no interest in them, but there’s a bunch that I am picking up and it’s kind of exciting to be experiencing a figure of a JOE or Cobra that I have never owned before. And that brings me to Big Boa! Released in the original Real American Hero line in 1987, I was 15yo and my limited teenage money was going into SEGA Master System games instead of toys. But, I was still keeping an eye on some of the toy lines I collected, and Big Boa was one that I would have happily picked up if he had just come out a year or two earlier.

Reunited with the window boxes and it feels so good! This is possibly my favorite iteration of the Classified packaging right here. The window shows off the goods, you get some great character art on the front and side panel, and all is right with the world. Big Boa was billed as Cobra’s hard-ass Trainer, pushing the Cobra Troops to their limits and beyond. In that sense, I guess I saw him as the Cobra version of Sgt. Slaughter. The character emerged from a plan to bring Sylvester Stallone onto the JOE team, but as I understood it Sly chose another direction and went with Coleco for a line of Rambo figures. And the rest is history.

Trainer or no, Boa doesn’t conform to any kind of Cobra uniform protocol. He agreed to the blue trousers and combat boots, but that was it. He goes shirtless with a red, spiked chest harness, red belt, and red codpiece to protect his snakeling. The red and blue looks quite striking together and I dig all the silver paint hits to the spikes, belt fixtures, and rivets. Despite the minimal costuming, you still get some great flourishes in the sculpt, like the braided pattern on the belt, stitching on the harness, laces in the boots, and some padded panels on the sides of the boots. The detail in the musculature is also nicely done! He also has white tape wrapped around his standard set of hands splattered with blood! I would have liked to see a Cobra insignia snuck in there somewhere, but even so I think this is a great looking figure!

I believe the unmasked head is a first for the character, or at least I know the original RAH figure came wearing a permanent helmet. I dig what we got here, even if it does lean in to the caricature side of things. But hey, that plays to the idea that Boa’s taken quite a few shots to the head and maybe there’s been some reconstructive surgery in his past. He’s got ample jowls, a bulb of a nose, and a strong brow. His ears look a little banged up and he’s got some teeth knocked out of his grill, suggesting Cobra’s dental plan may not be the best. I think his sneer is probably meant to be a nod to Stallone, but I see more John Fiore in that likeness than anything else. Whatever the case, it’s a wonderful portrait.

The helmet is a full on second head, rather than an actual helmet, and it’s a pretty close update to the RAH figure’s. It’s an interesting design with a little Boba Fett (or is that Boa Fett?) and a little Mad Max. It’s mostly off white with a silver grill on the front, narrow red visor, and a red spiked strip running down the center of the head like a mohawk. Obviously it’s going to protect against some of those shots to the melon, but it looks unnecessarily high tech, what with the breathing hose coming out of the side. I’m not sure where the inspirations here came from, but it looks cool.

The articulation is everything I’ve come to love about this line, as Hasbro has really locked in on a great compromise between posability and sculpt. We’ve seen it all before, so I won’t run down every point here. Suffice it to say, you get a great range of motion in the double-hinged elbows and knees, the hips pull down a bit, there are swivels in both the thighs and boots. They did a decent job working the ab hinge into the muscle sculpt so it’s a bit less obvious. The hips on my figure are just a tad loose, but everything else feels great and he is super fun to play around with.

The vintage figure came with a punching bag, whereas Hasbro decided to toss the Classified figure a pair of 90lb weights and I think that was a good choice. I’ll probably pose him wielding these as weapons.

And finally, you get a pair of boxing glove hands, and finally we get to see some Cobra insignia! These gloved hands include bands for the wrists to complete the look. It’s going to be a tough choice to decide whether to display Boa with the Cobra-branded boxing gloves or the bloody taped up hands.

As I said earlier, it’s fun to experience some of these old characters for the first time in Classified. I don’t have any childhood attachment to Big Boa, but I think this figure is great and he’s certainly a fun and colorful addition to my Cobra forces. Maybe Hasbro could have tossed in a few more accessories, as he does feel a tad light compared to some other releases, but he’s certainly got the essentials. I was originally going to pass on the Mad Marauders version of Sgt Slaughter, but seeing as how he comes with boxing gloves, I may need to pick him up so these guys can go mano-a-mano in the ring.

Aug 30 2024

G. I. JOE Classified: Cobra Commander (“Once A Man” SDCC Exclusive) by Hasbro

I think it’s safe to say that 2024’s Classified SDCC Exclusive generated a lot of surprise and delight among collectors. The line hasn’t shown a lot of strong ties to the Sunbow cartoon and yet here we are getting a Classified figure that references Cobra Commander’s grim fate in the ’87 GI JOE movie. Having been found guilty of incompetency, the denizens of Cobra-La sentence The Commander to slowly transmute into a snake. I’m not a huge fan of the film, but I will admit that Cobra Commander fate was probably the most disturbing thing I’d seen in a cartoon up to that point. Optimus Prime dying in The Transformers movie was sad, but this was just pure body horror that creeped me the hell out. As popular as this release was, I do think this was a great idea for an Exclusive, as I imagine there’s a good number of Classified collectors who don’t really care about that film and would be happy to pass on this figure. Then again, Hasbro did show off a Classified version of Nemesis Enforcer, so like it or not, Classified Cobra-La is very much a thing.

The set comes in a window box with a flap that has a lenticular front depicting the horrific transformation from man to snake man to snake creature. Alas, the effect baffles my camera, so you’ll have to settle for a shot of the flap open and showing off the goods inside. The set includes Cobra Commander in two stages of his terrible transformation, plus you get some extra hands and accessories, a lot of which are taken from the HISS HasLab Exclusive Commander and the yet to be released Retro-Carded Commander. Everything here is collector friendly, which is great because this is definitely a figure I will be displaying in the package.

The Commander comes out of the box as mid-transformation Snake Man after being exposed to the dreaded Spores! The waist down is borrowed from the previously mentioned Commander figures, although the belt buckle has been repainted from the HasLab figure. He still has his combat knife and sheath strapped to his left leg. The torso and arms are now newly sculpted snake skin with the remnants of his torn tunic worn like a vest. The snake skin is a cool mix of scales and bumpy textured areas and I think the mix of blue uniform and yellow orange snakeskin makes for a very attractive deco.

The mutated snake head is absolute nightmare fuel. It’s like his teeth have migrated to the outside of his face, a heavy brow ridge had formed and he’s got multiple eyes budding out on his cheeks and forehead. There are some sculpted fangs showing, but these aren’t painted so it can be hard to make them out. I think the printing for the blue eyes is a bit miffed, but otherwise, this is a great sculpt that would have make any David Cronenberg film proud.

You also get a fully helmeted head. This appears to be the same sculpt as the previously mentioned Commander figures. It does have the cartoon-style white stripe at the top, which the Retro-Carded release will have, but was lacking from the HasLab version. There is also a detached face mask, which Roadblock picks up in the movie. It has some cracks and the inside of the mask is highly detailed with all sorts of circuitry.

Also repacked is the classic hairdryer-style pistol and backpack to mount it on. This is a bit of an odd inclusion, as I’m pretty sure I remember him being disarmed when they put him in the giant clam and he’s never shown with it after inhaling the spores. But am I complaining? Nope. It’s great that they included it and I can always give this to the regular Classified Cobra Commander if I want to.

Finally, you get the extra hands that came with the other two Cobra Commander figures. These include fists, accessory holding hands, a pointy finger right hand and a open grip left hand.

The more mutated version of the figure is mostly cast in a dense rubbery plastic. The arms have some articulation at the shoulders, but otherwise it’s a static piece. The tail is partially coiled, which works well to have him stand. You can also use it to wrap around another Roadblock like he did in the movie. There’s a cut in the tail, but mine does not want to swivel, so I’m not sure if this is intended as an articulation point or just a seam from where the figure was assembled.

Hasbro did a nice job on the production side of this set, but no so much on the selling end. It was available after the convention as a Pulse Exclusive and it sold out immediately. Later it returned sporadically, selling out and coming back into stock seemingly at random times. And that was probably more frustrating than if it had just sold out quickly and was gone. Some people will argue that back in the day SDCC Exclusives were only available to attendees, so any slim chance to get one afterwards is better than it used to be. That may be true, but I still think Hasbro handled it poorly. And the idea of placing a five per customer limit is just ridiculous and seriously needs to stop. It serves no purpose other than to feed scalpers. In the end, I was happy to get one on Pulse, but I wouldn’t have chased it on the second hand market if I didn’t. Especially with it going for double the price. This is a cool figure to have, but certainly not one I would consider essential to my Classified collection. And I haven’t even decided yet whether I will pursue the Cobra-La Classified figures at all.