Tag Archives: hiss tank

May 17 2024

G. I. JOE Classified Cobra HISS Techno-Viper & Heetseek Missile System by Hasbro

Well, we all knew this was coming! When the HasLab HISS arrived I had fun speculating over that little tow hitch on the back and how long it would be before we got something to tow around with it. And here we are less than six months later and Hasbro delivered with the Cobra HMS! This mobile missile system is based off of the 1985 Sears Exclusive mobile missile platform that was towed by a red HISS. Of course, that toy in turn was a repaint of the original 1982 Mobile Missile System, which was part of GI JOE’s arsenal and towed around by the VAMP. But, the direct lineage can be traced back to the 2009 Rise of Cobra release of the Heetseek Missile System, a repaint and retool of the previously mentioned toys. I never owned Cobra’s version of this weapon system, and I was eager to make my HasLab HISS even more formidable, so picking up this one was a no-brainer for me!

The HMS comes in a box designed to match the one used for the Classified HISS with more of that bitchin red and black deco that makes it look like you’re viewing the art through a Virtual Gameboy screen, only without the crippling headaches and nausea. In addition to the weapon platform you also get a Techno-Viper repainted to match the deco of the figures that make up the HISS support teams, which reminds me I still need to review that HISS Fire Team set! And speaking of things I haven’t reviewed yet, I’m in a sticky situation here, because I have yet to check out the regular release Classified Techno-Viper here, and I don’t usually like to review repaints before the originals, but I’m going to have to let that slide here. So, I’ll just be treating the Techno-Viper like a brand new figure, and I’ll do comparisons when I get around to looking at the single boxed release. So, let’s start with the figure!

The original RAH Techno-Viper was released in 1988. I was a few years out of JOEs by then and he wasn’t in the cartoon, so I didn’t know these guys even existed until I returned to GI JOE as an adult collector. And that’s a shame, because I love the concept behind these fellas. These are fully combat-trained Vipers, capable of fighting their way through the battle lines to ask if you if you’ve tried turning off your weapons platform and turning it back on again. I kid, but it makes perfect sense to have these guys capable of on-site repairs of everything from HISS Tanks to Weather Dominators. And of course, I’m sure this guy is well versed in HEETSEEK Missile Systems. This is a straight repaint of the single release and I think he looks great in the gray, black, and red color scheme Classified has adopted for the HISS crew, particularly with the silver hoses and trim.

And oh boy do I love this helmet design! It’s got a little bit of Stormtrooper-Cylon vibe going on, but manages to be all its own thing at the same time. I dig how deep set the eye lenses are in the mask and the way the helmet and mask are all layered. It looks like the visor piece is designed to be removed and it all adds a lot of depth and credibility to the head sculpt.

The backpack is quite similar to the original RAH design. It has a pair of red tanks up top, containing who knows what. The lower half is designed to hold three repair tools, which simply slot in. There’s a grab bar on the bottom, which can also be used to secure the rifle by the handle, although I don’t think that’s intentional, rather just a place you can tuck it. The included hose can be attached to either of the pegs on top of the tanks with the other end pegging into either the rifle or any of the other tools. Frankly, I don’t understand what’s going on with this system of tanks and hoses. Why could you possibly need to connect spanners to the same tank as a rifle, and what’s any of it for? Don’t know, but it looks cool!

The rifle is an interesting sci-fi design with a prominent scope and a skeletal stock. There’s a hole in the barrel to take a blast effect part, if you have some lying around, although I have no idea what it’s supposed to shoot. Lasers would be my guess. The hose could use a little more slack to work with as some poses with the rifle will cause the hose to come unplugged and that can’t be good, because I’m guessing it needs that to fire.

As for the spanners, there are two claw-like wrenches and a hammer. These are no doubt used for the fine, precision work needed to keep Cobra’s equipment running well. Banging things with a hammer usually works! They look like they would be equally useful for taking swings at JOEs.

The Techno-Viper also packs an automatic pistol. It’s an interesting design that looks plausible with just a bit of sci-fi flavor. The detail in the sculpt is excellent and it looks like it’s got some optics mounted below the barrel. And like the rifle, it has a socket in the barrel for blast effects. The sidearm has a home in the holster strapped to the Techno-Viper’s left leg.

And the final accessory is a holographic readout that plugs into either of his wrist computers. The piece is cast in translucent orange plastic and has some schematics and information sculpted into it. It reminds me a bit of the holographic images that The Four Horsemen have been releasing with their Cosmic Legions figures. It’s a neat idea and well implemented here. All in all, this is a great figure, but do I like it better than the regular release? Well, I’ll reserve judgement until I get to do a proper comparison. Hopefully in the near future. Now, onto the HEETSEEK Missile System…

Here is the HMS with the stabilizers down and ready to fire! The four legs lock into place and hold the platform with the wheels suspended off the ground. In addition to a lot of great sculpted detail, the HMS is absolutely littered with cool markings, stenciled warning labels and general information. The missile cradle can rotate 360-degrees and elevate to adjust the targeting range.

And holy crap, these missiles are absolutely huge! And yes, the curious spelling of HEETSEEK is pulled directly off of the vintage toy release. These red bringers of destruction have white lettering on the sides, along with a black Cobra emblem near the tip. The missiles tab onto the cradle and remain secure, but can be removed and hurled across the room at that approaching VAMP. There are sockets in the back of the missiles for effect parts, and I really wish some smoke trails were included with these as it would have added a lot more value to the set.

There is an access panel on the side of the platform that can be removed to access the programming and launching console. On the original toys, this was a remote pedestal with a cable that connected it to the platform. I guess it’s more convenient to have it integrated into the platform itself, but considering the price of the set, it would have been nice to get an optional remote console as well.

The hitch folds up into the platform, but still has the connection bar hanging out. It seems like there could have been a way to make this retract all the way and be more flush with the device, but at least they added a little articulation to it so it’s not just hanging on the ground for people to trip over, because than you have to get the OSHA-Vipers on the scene and nobody wants that. If you are buying this as a stand alone piece, it definitely works for play or display all by itself. But, the real draw here is getting it all hooked up to the HISS. Unfortunately I don’t have a backdrop or lighting rig for something this big so I’m going to have to shoot these pictures in the Classified Room under less than ideal conditions.

Oh, hell yeah! And if this doesn’t look like enough obscene overkill, I might remind you that Classified HISS has rocket pack saddlebags that I don’t have installed at the moment. With the stabilizer legs flipped up and the HMS hitched up, the missile platform rolls along on it’s two wheels and pairs perfectly with the High Speed Sentry. The matching colors make this look like a natural extension of the HISS rather than an Add On. And setting it up to fire beside the HISS with a full compliment of HISS Crew makes for a great display.

I’m extremely happy with this set! It takes an already epic toy like the Classified HISS and adds even more wow-factor to it. Plus, I just love the idea of getting a Techno-Viper dedicated to HISS and HMS maintenance. It really rounds out that crew nicely. Personally, I think it really needed some firing effect parts for the back of the missiles and a pedestal console certainly would have been nice. I’ve seen a fair amount of complaints about the price on this set, which retailed at $79.99, but I don’t think the asking price is all that out of line, when you consider the Trouble Bubble and Ferret both retailed at $59.99. As with those sets, you get a figure and with the huge missiles, this beast definitely involves a lot more plastic than those other small vehicles. Is it $20 more? Well, that’s up to you. I will say that if the price on this one is goosed a bit, I have to imagine it’s because it’s really an accessory for an expensive vehicle that is no longer on the market and fewer collectors will own. I mean, it does display just fine on it’s own, but you’d be missing out on the connectivity feature, at least until the inevitable release of the Cobra Stinger. The HMS is a Pulse Exclusive and at the time I’m publishing this it is still available for purchase.

Dec 25 2023

G. I. JOE Classified (HasLab) Cobra HISS Tank by Hasbro, Part II

Merry Christmas everyone! If you didn’t check in yesterday, I kicked off a two-part look at the HasLab HISS on Christmas Eve. I like to try to celebrate Christmas by featuring a big toy or playset most years. You know, the kind that we would only have a chance of getting on that biggest of toy gifting days! I had a few contenders this year, but wound up pushing the HasLab HISS to the front of the line, because oh boy, I would have lost my little mind if I found something like this under the tree! In Part I, I covered the four included figures and today we’re going to tackle the HISS Tank itself. This big boi was a challenge to shoot, as I’m still working out the kinks on a bigger staging area, so apologies if the photos look rough. I’m going to start with some generalizations with the toy more or less straight out of the box, and then we’ll kit it out and take a tour around it!

First off, the HISS is suitably big without being obnoxiously huge, and the build quality is fantastic with only the act of attaching the canopy making me a little nervous. Just about everything about this toy and its features reflects careful thought and design. I’m also happy to report that the profile and general look of Cobra’s new Classified High Speed Sentry is as iconic as ever! There are few display options for the HISS, thanks to some of the mix-and-match parts, but when you take it out of the box and attach the guns and canopy, it’s extremely true to the original toy design, if that’s the look you’re going for. You get two options for the canopy: A simple clear one for that vintage look, and a modern one with red trim and opening gull-wing side hatches. These attach similarly to the way the vintage one did, by squeezing two nubs into the holes so pressure holds it in place and creates a hinge. There is no way I feel comfortable doing this more than once, so I decided to pick a canopy and stick with it, and I went with the modern one because I just think it looked cooler and more premium. It also makes it more convenient for the Driver to pay tolls and go pick up fast food at Drive-Thru windows. I’m not saying that you can’t safely swap these out without stressing or breaking the plastic, but I’m just not willing to try it.

The bulk of the toy is cast in black plastic with not a lot of paint on the main body, apart from some subtle black and gray striping. The bare plastic looks good, but it does tend to show finger prints here and there. You do get some dry brush weathering on the cannon, which looks like they have seen a lot of use. There is a sticker sheet included to customize the tank, but it also has all the markings it needs printed on it, so I won’t be messing with the stickers at all. The sculpted detail feels about right in line with the vintage toy with just a little more added for the bigger scale. These include panel lines, rivets, hatches, and the like. The front headlights and rear tail lights feature electronics, and I’ll take a look at those in a bit. The cannon turret rotates 360-degrees and uses the same tab-key system as the original toy, keeping it locked in until the tab lines up with the slot and then it will come out. One of my only nitpicks on this whole toy is that the turret doesn’t rotate as smoothly as I would have liked. The treads are rubber and do actually work, allowing for a pretty smooth roll. There is a folding tail hitch on the back, which will hopefully be used by a future SMS release, and oh boy is that going to look awesome!

And here’s a quick size comparison with one of the recent re-issued 3 3/4-inch scale HISS toys… Now, let’s start getting this thing ready for battle!

First off, you get two options for armor plating on the wheel assemblies. These plates peg in very easily and help to keep the damned JOEs from blowing holes in your wheels. The first gives you something closes to the original toy, but I’ll stick with the second more detailed one, as I’m going for the most modern look I can get. There’s some nice red paint on the vertical slats and some gray and light gray striping, as well as some more markings printed in blue and white. These look awesome!

You can also attach an extra armor plate on the turret between the cannon barrels, and this is another addition that I really love. I can’t imagine anyone enjoys sitting up there and getting shot at, so at least this shield adds some forward protection. It has some sculpted bolts and a raised cobra emblem, which looks great. It also helps that the Gunner is the smallest of the figures, so at least she presents the smallest target and can more easily hunker down behind that armor shield.

Hasbro has also included a pair of articulated miniguns to the sides of the gunning station. There are also optional ammo canisters for these, but I’m not crazy about the way they look and they make it even more busy in that turret, so I will leave them off. The miniguns can rotate as well as hinge up and down. It’s a lot of firepower for one person, so I’d like to think that the miniguns have some kind of autonomous motion tracking option, with the gunner taking control of them only when targets of opportunity get too close for the main cannon. Either way, giving the HISS some broadside and rear attacking capabilities is a wonderful upgrade! Just don’t shoot them behind you if you’ve got troops riding on the tailgate!

Another added bit of firepower is the chin gun. This whole assembly is beautifully detailed and plugs right into the socket under the nose of the tank. It’s a strong connection, but it is designed to be removed if you want to change things up. It has full rotation and can hinge up and down. There are some lovely paint details on this, including some red and silver accents and some metallic purple on the barrels to show a little stress from firing. You also get some crisp Cobra emblems printed on the sides. It’s another modern touch to the HISS that I will be keeping on all the time!

As I mentioned earlier, the modern cockpit has gullwing hatches that open on either side. It would be a tight fit to extract the figure through these, but in reality, I’m sure the Driver could scramble through them if the canopy malfunctioned and the Tank was about to blow.

The interior of the cockpit is phenomenal with a five-point harness that fastens with a peg behind the Cobra buckle. The seat cushions are textured, and there’s a control yoke on the right arm rest and a throttle on the left. The Driver fits in perfectly and the straps to the harness can pull out and feed back into the slots to help make it snug after he’s seated.

The detailed dashboard has light up screens, as well as a translucent Heads Up Display. You also get a cool light that floods the cabin in an eerie red glow. This is without a doubt one of the coolest cockpits for any vehicle that i own.

There’s a removable engine access cover just behind the cockpit so you can give the HISS a tune up between missions.

There are two access ladders that fold down from the sides to help the Gunner or Driver get into position. These are cast in red plastic and I love how they close and secure into the recessed compartments. There are also grab bars located at the top to help a figure hang on.

There are no pegs on the rear deck plate, but there is a railing up top, so you can still have some troops riding on the back. They stay put pretty well when gripping the rail. Two fit comfortably, and you could even squeeze in a third in pinch. That will come in handy when the set of HISS Fire Team figures arrives. Although, I can’t deny that the regular troops look best on the back. I remember as a kid how badly I wanted an extra Cobra Trooper so I could have a couple on the back of my HISS.

The back of the HISS has a fold down ramp to open up the interior for access to The Tactician’s area. Here, there’s a Cobra-themed seat and a weapons rack on the wall across from it. When you drop the boarding ramp, it triggers a red interior light. It’s admittedly pretty cramped quarters in there, but it’s still a great addition to the HISS design. While I do like the weapons rack, I think I would have preferred to get a computer and instrument bank on that wall, or better yet have an option between the two. But, I suppose the Tactician can use his wrist device for computing firing solutions and mapping waypoints and the like, so maybe it isn’t necessary.

If you want even more firepower on your HISS, Hasbro included a pair of six-pack missile launchers and these look absolutely brutal! There are two holes with flip up hatches on the sides of the HISS that these plug into. The individual missiles are removable, the launcher assembly can angle up or down, and even extend out when they are ready to fire. I love the way these things look, but I’m thinking these should be reserved as a load out for special missions. They definitely make for a great variant if you were lucky enough to get more than one of these babies.

The external electronics include light up headlamps with an array of red lights between the top lights and a projector between the bottom lights that paints a red Cobra emblem on the ground in front of the tank. You also get red tail lights on the back. A lot of times, I can take or leave electronic features in toys, and will usually advocate for leaving them out to control costs, but I have to admit that I really do enjoy most of the lighting features on the HISS. The headlamps are nice and bright and really give the toy a premium feel, as do the red tactical lights in the rear compartment and cockpit, and the light up dashboard. I thought the Cobra projection was kind of cheesy and, while it is admittedly a really neat effect, I haven’t really changed my mind on that.

Hasbro absolutely hit it out of the park with this release! It’s not the biggest vehicle to ship this year, as it’s still dwarfed by Super7’s Thundertank or McFarlane’s Batwing, but it is as big as it needs to be and it is just packed with great options and well executed features. What’s more, the build quality is superb and the electronics really enhance the toy rather than feel like a needless extra. This feels like a rugged and proper high end toy, rather than just an expensive display piece. I have had it parked on my coffee table since I got it and I find myself constantly playing around with it as I’m watching TV or listening to podcasts and music. It really is that much fun and all I can say is that if the Dragonfly turns out half as good, I may lose my damn mind when it arrives. Of course, all of this should be the case because at $300, this toy wasn’t cheap. And in case you can’t tell from my ramblings, I consider it money well spent. Especially if you factor in the four figures that would have run about $25 a pop at retail and the Cobra Commander is going for upward of $100 himself on the aftermarket. It would be cool if Hasbro could put together a stripped down budget version of this beauty at a retail-friendly price point. but I don’t see that happening.

And all that’s left is for me to wish you all a Merry Christmas and extend my warmest thanks for stopping by and spending a little bit of your holiday with me. I’ll be back on Wednesday and Friday with the last reviews of 2023 and then we can kick off the New Year on Monday. Be safe and be well!

Dec 24 2023

G. I. JOE Classified (HasLab) Cobra HISS Tank by Hasbro, Part I

It’s Christmas Eve and it’s time for my semi-annual “If-I-Have-Time-For-It” Super-Special Christmas Review. I like to squeeze these in on the years when time allows, and check out something extra big or cool or both. Growing up, Christmas for me was all about hoping to get that one big playset or toy vehicle that I could never have hoped to get any other time of the year. Yes, there were some toy wants out there that even outclassed a mere birthday. But on Christmas? Well, anything was possible on Christmas! And coincidentally, the HasLab Classified Cobra HISS Tank arrived a short while ago, and I knew I had to put this under the proverbial tree for this year’s Christmas Review. I’m breaking this review up into two parts, so today we’ll check out the figures that were included and tomorrow we’ll have a look at the HISS Tank itself.

To the unaware, HasLab is the moniker Hasbro uses for their big crowdfunded projects. These are solicited releases that are considered too big and expensive to get retail space. They show off the toy, set a price, and let you know how many backers they need to make it a reality. So, it’s basically a pre-order, but if not enough people pre-order it, then it doesn’t get made. It’s a bit controversial, as many will tell you that the second largest toy company in the world shouldn’t have to resort to these tactics. Maybe so, and I do reckon there are some sketchy things behind it, but if I see one I like, I back it. So far I’ve backed four: The Mandalorian Razor Crest, which I have not yet reviewed here, but someday. The giant Marvel Legends Galactus figure, this HISS Tank, and the GI JOE Dragonfly Helicopter, which is currently in production. The HISS comes in a big box to hold this 6-inch scale tank with some beautiful artwork on the box, and some assembly required for the HISS and all it’s parts. You also get a separate box inside which has the four individually packaged figures that were included with the project: Cobra Commander, The HISS Driver, The HISS Gunner, and The HISS Tactician. Let’s start with the Classic Cobra Commander…

Only not really, because I’m not going to open this guy just yet. Sorry, but I’m betting we are going to get a wide release variant and so for now I’m leaving him carded. We got a Classified version of Cobra Commander a while back, and it was a pretty good figure, but Hasbro decided to offer a more classic version of him for this HasLab project. For the record, I think that was an awful idea, because you shouldn’t bundle figures this important and desirable with expensive and limited vehicles and playsets. But, since they gave him the infamous Mickey Mouse misprint on his chest emblem, I would bet that we’re going to see him as a wide release with that emblem fixed, thus allowing this one to still be an exclusive and yet still allow the figure to be had by all. I’ll just say that the figure looks great, he has some cool accessories, and the card is magnificent. Hopefully we’ll get confirmation of a retail release before my willpower gives out and I tear this one open.

The HISS crew all come in fully enclosed boxes, numbered 99-101. While the boxes are similar to the regular Classified releases, the artwork is specialized to make them stand out as unique. You get the Cobra HISS logo at the top of each peg flap and a red tint to the lettering and artwork. The Tactician even has a Ron Rudat facsimile signature on the front, which is a pretty cool way to commemorate the 100th figure in the series. Rudat, of course, being a legendary designer who logged something like three decades at Hasbro before moving on to other things. Each figure comes in a cardboard tray with an illustrated back along with a cardboard foot locker containing their accessories sealed in a branded tissue bag. Let’s start with the Driver!

This guy is based very closely on the vintage figure that was bundled with the original Real American Hero HISS Tank, and he looks damn sharp! He dons familiar red fatigues with an armored chest and shoulder piece with a blue front shield and a bold silver Cobra emblem. This rig is actually worn by the figure with soft plastic straps holding it in place under his arms and across his back. The shoulder piece is painted with a rich and glossy red that stands out against the duller matte finish of the fatigues. He has a sculpted belt with some blue accents to the buckle, a molded holster strapped to his right thigh and some serious kicks in the form of thigh high armored boots. These have a chonky angular design and a high gloss black finish. The HISS Driver is probably the most iconic Cobra vehicle operator to me and this figure offers a fantastic update to that classic design.

The helmet really hasn’t changed much at all. It features the silver visor and featureless black faceplate. There’s a mohawk-like crest ridge on the top and an stylized snake head in the center. The generic and impersonal nature of the helmet always made this guy seem extra intimidating to me. The helmet has a lovely gloss finish, but the paint on the top edge of my figure’s visor could have been a bit sharper.

A new addition to the design is this cool control device on the right arm. It has a bit of a Fallout Pipboy kind of vibe with arrays of buttons and a display screen. I imagine it can be used for everything from communicating with the HISS crew to receiving data. How about a less useful addition…

Boxing gloves? The HISS Driver comes with a pair of fists, but these are enlarged and reinforced face punchers. I honestly don’t get these at all. Is it some reference that I’m missing? I don’t know, but it’s a weird thing to give a Tank Driver. I guess if his tank gets disabled he comes out swinging? Yeah, these are going into The Dreaded Tote of Forgotten Accessories. Regardless, articulation on this fella is right in line with what we’ve been seeing in Classified up to this point, even including crunches in the shoulders. His joints feel good and he’s fun to play with.

The HISS Driver comes with a standard automatic pistol as a sidearm. This trusty weapon has some great detail in the sculpt and it’s nice and compact. The barrel has a hole if you want to use some effect parts from other Classified releases, but there weren’t any included here.

He also includes this rather unique sub-machine gun. I’m not usually a big fan of these crazy modern gun designs, but this one is kind of cool. It has a rather large detachable magazine, a very short barrel, and a fixed bayonet, which is painted silver. On the downside, the design makes it really tough to get it into his hand, making me wish for something a bit more practical. But, minor quibbles about accessories aside, I’m pleased with what Hasbro did with this design. It pays homage to the vintage figure, while giving it a little shot of modernity. Not bad for a figure that’s going to spend most of his life in a cockpit. Next up… The Tactician!

I won’t spend nearly as much time on The Tactician, because he’s just a straight repaint of the HISS Driver right down to the accessories. The Tactician’s suit is mostly black with some red paint on the shoulders and the front panels of the lower boots. The belt is red and the Cobra emblem is red. The only thing left unchanged from the Driver is the helmet. I wasn’t really excited for this figure, but now that he’s in hand, I think he looks great, and it only occurred to me that his deco is such a close match for the HISS Tank itself, being mostly black with some red trim.

The pistol and rifle each have a lick of red paint to personalize them a bit, and yes he comes with boxing gloves too.

In my mind, The Tactician is just Cobra’s name for Tank Commander, so this guy will sit inside the bowels of the HISS and relay orders and run the show. Like the Driver he’s got one of those fancy wrist computers, so I’d like to think he can use that to receive new data, and bark his orders to the Driver and Gunner. The Driver will always be the iconic face of the HISS, but I love that Hasbro created this guy. Sure, the concept isn’t original, but he may be one of my favorite additions that Classified has made to Cobra canon.

And finally, we have The Gunner, who is basically a female version of The Driver with all the same beats on the uniform design, but in a slighter female build. As a result, you can interchange her with the official Driver if you want. As we’ll see tomorrow The Gunner fits fine in the cockpit, but it would be a bit more roomy for this lady. On the other hand, she makes for less of an easy target for GI JOE sharpshooters while she’s exposed up in that turret. I think the uniform translates well to this body and all the same wonderful sculpted details are present. She also shares the same articulation in the arms, including the shoulder crunches. It’s a nice surprise to have none of that single rotating hinge elbow nonsense here! The same wrist device is present here as well, so she can communicate with her teammates or work out firing solutions.

Unlike her peers, The Gunner gets a whole new head sculpt, and I’m not just talking a smaller lady head, but it has some subtle changes, including added detail to the face mask, which is interesting. Instead of being completely smooth, you get a defined stipe down the center in line with her nose and some angled vents on each side of where her mouth is. The forehead emblem is also angular here and she has sculpted disks over her ears. I’m not sure what purposes the variations serve on the female helmet, but it’s cool to get some additional detail in the sculpt.

The Gunner shares the same weapons as her two teammates, with the pistol and rifle being painted exactly the same as The Driver’s.

And yes, she even comes with the reinforced fists, which don’t look as enlarged as the ones included with the Driver and Tactician. They actually look like normal fists with a bit of reinforcement over the knuckles.

You want more guns? How about this kick ass tactical shotgun with a removable drum magazine! Damn, this thing is really sweet. You get some sharp sculpting on the rails and the foregrip, and the shells in the drum are individually painted. Very nice!

And we’re not done yet, because she also comes with a couple of melee weapons: An entrenching tool and a pick-axe-hammer and these are a bit of a poser to me. The entrenching tool kind of makes sense, as you might need to dig under the tank to repair the tread, but the hammer-pick-axe just looks like some kind of crazy Dreadnok weapon. Also, I’m not sure why there looks like a bite has been taken out of the shovel. Weird!

And that’s the HISS Tank crew and I must say I dig them a lot. The Driver is pretty much a perfect update to the vintage figure, which was always a favorite of mine. And doing the Gunner as basically just a female version of the same figure lets me swap her out as Driver if I want to change things up. I also like that the Tactician is repainted to set him apart from his subordinates, and the fact that his uniform color coordinates with the tank is both hilarious and awesome. The boxing gloves are pretty weird, as are the melee weapons, but I don’t hate them. Also, the choice to give The Gunner, the one unique sculpted figure in this set, all the extras wouldn’t have made much sense if these were individual retail releases, but as a group I guess it doesn’t matter. And now that we have the crew together, it’s time to get to sleep and see if Santa leaves them a big tank under the tree for them to crew!

Have a happy and peaceful Christmas Eve, everyone, and I hope to see you back here in the morning!

Oct 20 2023

Transformers X G. I. JOE: Megatron HISS Tank by Hasbro

I’ve been taking stock of some of the toys that have been sitting around for a while and waiting their turn in the spotlight here, so you may see some older stuff turning up now and then. One of those woefully delayed reviews is this crossover between Transformers and G. I. JOE that I picked up almost exactly a year ago. I must have had a lot going on because I shelved it and kind of forgot about it. So, let’s take a look at one of those 80’s kids fantasies where Transformers and G. I. JOE meet! Where knowing is more than meets the eye but only half the battle!

The box is interesting as it’s basically a two-part slipcase that slides off each side to reveal a plain brown box with the Hasbro logo on it. The slipcase is gorgeous with the vintage style package design from each franchise represented and some amazing artwork for the vehicle and characters. The Megatron robot mode really downplays the HISS kibble we’re going to see on the actual toy, but even in that regard it’s still very much in the spirit of the vintage TF package art. There’s a fake window showing that the figure includes a vintage-style 3 3/4-inch Baroness, who actually comes carded inside the box. I’ll be honest, as a kid I was never really jonesing for this kind of mash-up. The Cobra Commander cameo in the the Transformers episode Only Human was a cool enough tease for me. Nonetheless, how could I resist something like this?

Here’s Baroness. Yes, she’s still carded and I’m going to keep her that way. All of my 3 3/4-inch JOEs are from the 25th Anniversary line or later, so she really wouldn’t fit in anywhere. I love the card art on this, but the card itself is pretty flimsy and prone to warping. The figure overall looks good, except for where they painted the skin around here eyes inside the glasses so it doesn’t match the rest of her skin color. It may not be all that noticeable in the picture, but it’s really obvious with the figure in hand. She comes with a backpack and rifle. It would have been really cool to give her a scaled down Megatron gun to make her really special to this set, but at least the back of the card has some art specific to this crossover.

And here’s Megatron in his HISS mode, and he looks fantastic. There are some telltale signs that this tank is More Than Meets The Eye if you know where to look, but for a casual observer, this really does look like a regular 3 3/4-inch scale HISS tank and that’s awesome. There’s a seam running down the center of the nose that doesn’t close up all the way, you can see the off-white panels under the cockpit, which are Megatron’s arms, and the most obvious is Megatron’s chest piece fully exposed under the rear platform. None of these really bother me at all, in fact I think they all add to the charm of the toy.

The bulk of the toy is cast in matte black plastic and there are printed red Cobra emblems, as well as some identification numbers. The treads are sculpted just like the regular HISS toys, but there are wheels under it to roll it into battle. Most of the sculpted detail goes into the tread system, but there are still some bolt holes and panel lines, which help draw the eye from the actual transformation seams. The turret rotates as it should and the cannon barrels can be raised and lowered, and they actually move independently from one another.

Here are some comparisons of Megatron HISS with the 25th Anniversary release, and damn they look pretty close. When viewed from the side, and ignoring the color/style changes to the markings, it’s virtually impossible to tell which is the transforming toy.

If you don’t like having extra pieces, you can plug Megatron’s fusion cannon into the turret to give it some extra firepower. On the one hand it kind of looks silly, but then again I kind of like the personalized Megatron touch it gives to the toy.

And here’s the tank with some of Super7’s ReAction figures manning it. These make for a good fit, although this vehicle is really designed for the vintage-style O-Ring figures and the foot pegs on the tailgate are not compatible with the Super7 peg holes. Despite splitting apart down the middle for transformation, the interior of the cockpit is still fully realized with a ton of sculpted detail. The ReAction figures fit fine, but the O-Ring figures would fit even better. Let’s get Megatron transformed and check him out.

Transforming the toy into robot mode is pretty easy, but I found that getting it locked back down into HISS mode can be a pain, even when I know what I’m supposed to be doing. In robot mode, it’s clear that Hasbro’s focus here was the HISS mode, because the robot mode has a lot of kibble. It’s like Megatron is cosplaying as a HISS tank. I think the toy manages the HISS parts pretty well when viewed from the front, but there’s a lot of stuff going on the back… like, oh I don’t know… the fact that he’s basically wearing half a HISS tank as a backpack. I was not fond of this at all when I first saw the toy, but it’s grown on me a little bit. It’s kind of got a powerful battlemech vibe going on, and I’m not hating it. Either way, there’s enough G1 Megatron beats to the robot mode to make it work.

I really dig how the design added the rocket packs to the tread pieces that land on his hips. Being able to launch off six rockets from your hips ain’t a bad thing. The fusion cannon pegs in on the back of the hand, but at least he’s not actually holding it. He can definitely get into a good firing pose with it.

During transformation the back plate of the HISS is removed. You can incorporate this as a shield, but it looks like exactly what it is… Megatron holding the backplate of the HISS. I wish they had just designed this piece to peg into the back somewhere. Then again, maybe he’s already got enough going on back there. As it is, I’ll just set this piece aside when displaying him in robot mode.

The head sculpt is pure money. I’d say this is one of the best G1 Sunbow inspired Megatron heads Hasbro has ever given us. The HISS turret lands directly behind the head and this serves as a firing position for a figure while Megsy is in robot mode. It kind of justifies the extra bulk on his back, or at least gives it a purpose. It also gives the included Baroness figure something to do when Megatron is in robot mode. On the other hand, it’s hard for me to believe Megatron would be fine with human vermin riding on his back.

If you’re looking for an Optimus Prime to square up against this figure, the Power of the Primes Powermaster Prime isn’t too bad. He comes up a little short, but I think they look good facing off against each other.

Overall, I like this toy a lot, but I fall just short of really loving it. As a kid, it was kind of a dream of mine to have a Transformers figure that could hold action figures in its alt mode, and this definitely scratches that itch. The HISS mode is so incredibly well done and it’s fun to load it up with figures and display it alongside regular HISS tanks. The robot mode isn’t all that bad, but the HISS kibble is definitely rather excessive. At least Hasbro leaned into it by giving him the turret on back so he can interact with figures even in robot mode. This thing was released at $90, which I still think is pretty damn excessive, but I got it on sale for around $60 and it can be had these days for even less than that price. Hasbro followed this up with a Bumblebee AWE Striker, which was a pass for me, because it should have been Hound. A third release has been up for pre-order, mashing Soundwave and the Dreadnoks Thunder Machine, and I couldn’t resist that one.

Jan 29 2013

GI Joe Sigma 6: Cobra HISS Tank by Hasbro

Many collectors would argue that Hasbro’s Sigma 6 figures are the red-headed stepchild of the GI Joe franchise. If that’s the case than the Sigma 6 2 ½” scale sub-line of vehicles and figures would be that red-headed stepchild’s red-headed stepchild. These things clogged the pegs and shelves of my local Target and Walmart, perplexing kids and collectors alike. What was the point? What was Hasbro going for here? If they wanted to do Sigma 6 with vehicles, why didn’t they just keep the line 3 ¾-scale? Was this Hasbro trying to have its cake and eat it too? Why am I asking so many questions? It’s because this line confounds and confuses me. It created some really cool vehicles (not to mention one truly amazing toy, the Dragonhawk, which I promise to feature someday), but its mix of cool vehicles and shitty little figures made it a difficult concept to get behind. Let’s get an idea of what this line was all about by looking at its treatment of one of GI Joe’s truly iconic vehicles: The Cobra HISS


I’ve got to say, I dig this packaging. It’s a mostly closed box with two windows on the front to show off the figures. This was a bold move, Hasbro, since the figures are easily the weakest part of these sets and you probably shouldn’t be displaying them with pride. On the other hand, at least the windows let potential buyers know what they were getting. I totally dig the illustrated metal frame deco that surrounds the box and the artwork on the front is excellent. This presentation is damned exciting! I remember when I first saw it on the shelf it made me want to buy the toy even though something inside my head was telling me to drop it and back away. The back panel has a great photo, showing you everything you get inside. Once again, Hasbro was really good about letting you know what you were getting yourself into.


That’s what I like to see! Bags of parts and a sticker sheet! Stuff to put together! I miss the days of having to assemble and sticker toys. It really added to the anticipation. Actually, the stickers here are a bit disappointing. Many of them have white outlines, which don’t look good on the toy so I left them off. At least the instrumentation and the hazards stripes look ok. But before we put together the HISS, let’s look at those figures.


Ok, you get Cobra Commander and a Cobra Trooper. Cobra Commander is a decent enough design and sculpt, but he represents a lot of what was wrong with these figures. Specifically, he’s perpetually standing there pointing and holding his bendy, warped scepter. He does have four points of articulation, which consist of swivels in his shoulders, his neck and his waist, but it’s all mostly useless. The Cobra Trooper fares a little better with the basic five points: Shoulders, hips and neck, but man his design and coloring is shit. Even with two Cobra emblems, he doesn’t look like a Cobra Trooper to me. Nope, he reminds me of some knock-off Hoth Trooper. Keep in mind, these are amongst the best figures this line had to offer, as many of them were even more pre-posed and static. I’m not going to blame the small scale. It was clearly a deliberate style choice on Hasbro’s part, because we’ve seen figures in this scale executed a lot better. Now where was that? Well, I’m sure it’ll come to me before the end.

Once assembled, this HISS should look familiar to most Joe collectors. It’s the same design as the one used for the Direct-To-Consumer HISS and that is not at all a bad thing because I really dig this design and all the features it has to offer. The overall configuration is the same as the original vintage HISS, but this model comes loaded for bear with dual missile launchers on either side of the cockpit and four missile launchers mounted up on the turret. Joes seeing this thing barreling toward them would surely have shit their pants. There are also two smaller swivel guns, one of which can be swapped out for a Cobra flag. The cockpit is designed to lower closer to the ground for easy boarding. The hull features some minimal panel lining and Cobra emblems, and the canopy has a cool painted frame, which is something I always thought the original HISS should have had. There’s no two ways about it, the profile for this vehicle is one hundred percent bad ass.

Just like the DTC HISS, the back compartment opens up on either side and there’s a hatch that drops down out of the back to unload troops. In fairness, with the turret in place there isn’t a lot of room back there for personnel. You can take the turret out to make room and that leaves a port for them to emerge and take pot shots at the Joes. This feature was one of my favorite things about the DTC HISS as it converts the fast attack tank into a vehicle that can charge across enemy lines, deliver the shock and awe of a missile barrage, safely insert a squad of Cobra Troops into a critical position, and all without sacrificing any of its original design. And honestly, if I were on Cobra’s payroll with Joes shooting at me, I’d much rather ride inside the thing then hang off the back.


The conversion gimmick involves taking off the top of the back compartment and unfolding it to turn it into an armed bunker. It’s not the most innovative gimmick around, but it does give you some play and display options. You can position the “bunker” into a straight wall fortification (my favorite) or you could angle it. The bunker can arm itself with two of the missile launchers as well as the smaller guns. The main turret of the HISS has fold down stabilizers to turn it into a missle battery emplacement. As much as it may seem like a tacked on extra, this bonus bunker mode actually makes sense to me. I can imagine HISS Tanks could be used to gain ground and then set up these fortifications to hold it while the remaining part of the HISS goes back to get outfitted again for another charge. All in all, it’s a pretty cool idea.


And yeah, about that other line of 2 ½” figures… Like all the vehicles in this line, the HISS’ scale meshes almost perfectly with Kenner’s old MASK line. This HISS blends especially well because of its converting ability. I really dig this cross-compatibility of these vehicles and it’s probably the core reason as to why I’m ultimately a fan of the line. Unfortunately, I can’t help but think of how much cooler it would have been to have had the Sigma 6 figures been in the same style as the MASK figures.

And that’s the Sigma 6 HISS. If you can accept the figures for being what they are, I call them lost opportunities, the vehicle itself is pretty damn cool. The design looks great and it’s a nice quality construction that can get banged around pretty good. If you give this thing a chance it’s definitely a well-designed toy, but then most of the other little Sigma 6 vehicles were too. I’ll eventually get around to looking at the rest of the line, but tomorrow we continue Toy Closet Finds week with another treasure from the abyss.