Classified has been dipping into Destro’s private army of Iron Grenadiers, and I started looking at these a few weeks back with the Iron Grenadier BATs. Well, now it’s time to check out the actual Iron Grenadier Troops! Last time I mentioned how this faction came out after I had already moved on from buying GI JOE figures as a kid, so I didn’t own any of the original RAH figures, but part of the fun of collecting Classified is getting to experience some of these characters and designs for the first time. Granted, as Classified strays into the 90’s, I’ll likely start to opt out more and more, but for now these fellas are right up my alley!
Hasbro has hit peak Classified packaging with these window box designs. You still get some character art on the side, but for the most part the box lets the figure do the talking. And with a line as fantastic as Classified, that really is the best way to go about it. I love the concept of the Iron Grenadiers, as it only makes sense that Destro would have his own private forces for when shit hits the fan or when it’s finally time to depose old Bumper Face, Cobra Commander. As a kid playing with my JOEs, I would often have Cobra Civil War break out between Serpentor backed by the Crimson Guard and Cobra Commander backed by the regular Blue Shirts and Vipers. I can only imagine the fun I could have had with a three-way Civil War, adding Destro into the mix. The poor JOEs probably would have stayed in the collector case.
Out of the package, the Iron Grenadier is looking all sorts of regal. Hasbro has been doing some wonderful extrapolations of RAH figures for this line, but this is one example where they just stole the ball and ran with it. I’m a big fan of elaborate military uniforms reminiscent of the 19th Century and this guy has got it going in spades. The black overcoat with red trimmed lapels and liner, along with the gold buttons looks, parting just below the belt to reveal his gray trousers, but continuing down below the knees at the back. The gold accents extend to the tiny skull belt buckle as well as the fixtures on his baldric that holsters one of his weapons across his back. A second holster provides access to his angled pistol at the small of his back and a sword hangs off his right hip in a black and gold scabbard. This uniform design is simply amazing and Hasbro did a wonderful job realizing it in this scale. Oh and I have to compliment the work they did on the collar and necktie peeking out from the top of the jacket. It looks great!
The head is completely covered giving him an intimidating anonymity. The combination of visor and snout over the nose and mouth gives me more than a hint of Star Wars Biker Scout helmet design. The deco for the face mask continues black, red, gold, and gray color scheme from the rest of the figure. The helmet is removable, although there isn’t much going on under it, and I dig the gold mohawk-like crest at the top.
As snazzy as he may look, a troop builder still needs to have a solid weapon layout and this guy comes fully loaded, even if it is all recycled gear. So much so, that he can’t really carry everything, unless he’s going into the fight with big guns akimbo. Normally, I really expect these figures to be able to carry their own gear, but here I think a bulky backpack with guns hanging off of it would have messed up the regal military vibe they were going for, so I guess I’m OK with it. So let’s start with what he can carry, starting with the sword. I loved this weapon on the Crimson Guard and I love seeing it again, albeit this time with a golden blade. It fits perfectly into the scabbard, which plugs into the socket on his right hip.
The holsters on his back carry the same weapon designs wielded by his boss and I think these are a great pairing to include with him. The large scoped laser pistol has a bit of gold plating on the top of the barrel and it’s just a really neat sci-fi inspired design with some excellent detail in the sculpt. This one is stored angled across the back. Meanwhile, he has the smaller pistol down on the back of his belt.
The two bigger weapons include the double-barreled AR design and the SIG 338-style light machine gun. Both of these have been around a bit, but I most recently remember them paired up with Night Force Shockwave. The AR still has the hinged foregrip, but here it’s cast in red plastic, as are the bipod and ammo box on the machine gun. Thematically the red on these weapons should work, but I think it looks kind of cheap.
All nitpicks aside, these guys turned out great. In a perfect world, I think Hasbro should bundle at least one new weapon or accessory with any non-exclusive figures, but I like that he got the Destro stuff and the rest of what he got is pretty good. I actually dig these fellas more than the IG BATs and that’s saying something because I liked them a lot. I’m really trying to curb my temptations to get more of these. I wound up with three, but I really feel like I should pick up a couple more at some point down the road.
Howdy, Toy Hounds, as you know it’s been a crazy couple of weeks in my neck of the woods. Hurricanes and a long work week have taken their toll and FFZ had to take a mini hiatus while I recouped. Today’s review was meant for last week, but it was unfinished, and rather than re-write it, I wrapped it up and kicked it out for today. I would imagine the blog’s downtime will affect my plans to get all the Halloween content out, but I’ll likely extend that stuff into November if I have to. I have another pretty full work week this week as well, so we’ll see how it goes.OK… on with the toys!
I had planned to get to the Classified Cobra STINGER this week, but work’s been crazy and we’ve got another hurricane bearing down on us, so I’m bumping it for when I have more time and am not so stressed. Instead, let’s turn our attention to the figure that a lot of Classified collectors have been waiting for… Retro Cobra Commander! Of course, we got a Classified Cobra Commander way back at the beginning and it was a solid figure that I still dig a lot. But since then Classified has steered into traditional designs a lot harder and just like the original Duke and Scarlett, he doesn’t quite fit anymore. Then we got a more traditional Cobra Commander, but you had to buy a $300 HISS Tank to get him, so that wasn’t cool. But even back then rumors were buzzing that we’d get The Commander in wider retail release, so I held off opening my HasLab one to wait and see. And here we are!
Just to try a little something different, I’m going with a comparison instead of my traditional in-package shot. On the left we have the HasLab figure and on the right the new Retro Carded release. There are key differences, albeit a lot of those are in the paint, and you got one extra accessory with the HasLab release in the form of a snake coiled around a globe. The card art on the HasLab version is more traditional and you get the separate compartment at the top for the accessories, whereas the new release has just one elongated bubble. I like the overall art and presentation of the HasLab version much more, which is convenient, because I doubt I’ll ever open that one. And based on what I’ve seen so far, I think I’m going to dig the new release a lot more than the HasLab figure. But, let’s not jump the gun!
The uniform is as classic as you can get. He’s got the all blue suit, including the tunic with the buttons running up the right side, wide lapels, and a light blue turtleneck shirt peeking out from behind. Those black diamonds in his collar were always so iconic to me, even if I had no idea why they were there. He’s got the proper insignia this time, as opposed to the Mickey Mouse one on the HasLab release. The upper belt is painted white, while the lower belt is black with a silver buckle. He has matte black gauntlets and boots, with painted stirrups running down around the boots. There’s a knife sheath strapped to his left leg and he’s got a backpack to hold his trademark hairdryer pistol. The paint here is really on point, especially the silver buckles and the red striping down the trousers.
The helmet is very nice, particularly the vac-metal face plate, which is something I would have expected to see in a HasLab release and not a regular retail figure. The helmet features the white mohawk stripe from the cartoon and the edges of the helmet are much better defined against the face plate than the HasLab version. I dig this a lot!
The Commander sports some excellent articulation, which is pretty much in line with the usual Classified system of jointing. You do get the butterfly crunches in the shoulders, which is great. There are also these strange swivels just above the ankles, which I don’t recall ever seeing on a Classified figure before. Usually the lower leg swivels would be at the tops of boots. But hey, I’m not going to complain about added points. As for hands, CC comes with a pair of fists, a pair of trigger finger hands, a right pointing hand, and a left wide grip hand, which is left over from the HasLab figure and designed to hold the globe that was omitted here.
The backpack holster does it’s job well. The sleeve is sculpted to hug the contours of the weapon and it stays put just fine. You get some silver paint hits to whatever those buttons are supposed to be and there’s a Cobra emblem on a black field inside the disk on the outside of the holster. This backpack actually has one additional paint hit that is missing from the HasLab release.
I couldn’t tell you why, but I absolutely love CC’s hairdryer gun. Next to the JOE laser rifle, it’s probably my favorite weapon in all of JOEdom. It’s just a neat sci-fi design with some excellent detail in the sculpt. the muzzle looks like it’s designed to spit out a vicious hot energy beam and I can just picture The Commander laughing maniacally as he torches invading JOEs entering his Command Center. I was pretty upset that we didn’t get one with the first Classified Commander, but now all is right with the world.
Of course, the dagger is removable from the sheath, and it’s a pretty cool little Fairbairn–Sykes style weapon. Alas, The Commander doesn’t come with a hand that’s very well suited to wielding it. The best bet is either of the gun-holding hands and it does work, but not quite ideal. It’s hard to imagine the Sunbow Commander going up against anyone in a knife fight, but I’d like to think of this Classified Commander as being just a tad more spicy and unpredictable.
I love that Hasbro is using this Retro Carded sub-line as a way to bring earlier Classified figures in line with the more traditional direction that the line has taken. As I mentioned earlier, I still like the first Classified Commander quite a bit, but there’s no doubt that this one will be The Commander that I display front and center in my collection. Hasbro did an excellent job hitting all of my favorite design beats, and I never would have thought we’d get a vac-metal face shield in a regular release. I know a lot of people out there are still hoping for a hooded version, and while I’d like to see that too, this helmet remains my favorite look for The Commander, so either way I’m covered!
While I still have lots of old favorites to cover, GI JOE Classified is starting to dip into characters that appeared in the toy shelves after I was done buying toys as a kid, and a long way from me buying them as an adult. Some of these I may skip if I have no interest in them, but there’s a bunch that I am picking up and it’s kind of exciting to be experiencing a figure of a JOE or Cobra that I have never owned before. And that brings me to Big Boa! Released in the original Real American Hero line in 1987, I was 15yo and my limited teenage money was going into SEGA Master System games instead of toys. But, I was still keeping an eye on some of the toy lines I collected, and Big Boa was one that I would have happily picked up if he had just come out a year or two earlier.
Reunited with the window boxes and it feels so good! This is possibly my favorite iteration of the Classified packaging right here. The window shows off the goods, you get some great character art on the front and side panel, and all is right with the world. Big Boa was billed as Cobra’s hard-ass Trainer, pushing the Cobra Troops to their limits and beyond. In that sense, I guess I saw him as the Cobra version of Sgt. Slaughter. The character emerged from a plan to bring Sylvester Stallone onto the JOE team, but as I understood it Sly chose another direction and went with Coleco for a line of Rambo figures. And the rest is history.
Trainer or no, Boa doesn’t conform to any kind of Cobra uniform protocol. He agreed to the blue trousers and combat boots, but that was it. He goes shirtless with a red, spiked chest harness, red belt, and red codpiece to protect his snakeling. The red and blue looks quite striking together and I dig all the silver paint hits to the spikes, belt fixtures, and rivets. Despite the minimal costuming, you still get some great flourishes in the sculpt, like the braided pattern on the belt, stitching on the harness, laces in the boots, and some padded panels on the sides of the boots. The detail in the musculature is also nicely done! He also has white tape wrapped around his standard set of hands splattered with blood! I would have liked to see a Cobra insignia snuck in there somewhere, but even so I think this is a great looking figure!
I believe the unmasked head is a first for the character, or at least I know the original RAH figure came wearing a permanent helmet. I dig what we got here, even if it does lean in to the caricature side of things. But hey, that plays to the idea that Boa’s taken quite a few shots to the head and maybe there’s been some reconstructive surgery in his past. He’s got ample jowls, a bulb of a nose, and a strong brow. His ears look a little banged up and he’s got some teeth knocked out of his grill, suggesting Cobra’s dental plan may not be the best. I think his sneer is probably meant to be a nod to Stallone, but I see more John Fiore in that likeness than anything else. Whatever the case, it’s a wonderful portrait.
The helmet is a full on second head, rather than an actual helmet, and it’s a pretty close update to the RAH figure’s. It’s an interesting design with a little Boba Fett (or is that Boa Fett?) and a little Mad Max. It’s mostly off white with a silver grill on the front, narrow red visor, and a red spiked strip running down the center of the head like a mohawk. Obviously it’s going to protect against some of those shots to the melon, but it looks unnecessarily high tech, what with the breathing hose coming out of the side. I’m not sure where the inspirations here came from, but it looks cool.
The articulation is everything I’ve come to love about this line, as Hasbro has really locked in on a great compromise between posability and sculpt. We’ve seen it all before, so I won’t run down every point here. Suffice it to say, you get a great range of motion in the double-hinged elbows and knees, the hips pull down a bit, there are swivels in both the thighs and boots. They did a decent job working the ab hinge into the muscle sculpt so it’s a bit less obvious. The hips on my figure are just a tad loose, but everything else feels great and he is super fun to play around with.
The vintage figure came with a punching bag, whereas Hasbro decided to toss the Classified figure a pair of 90lb weights and I think that was a good choice. I’ll probably pose him wielding these as weapons.
And finally, you get a pair of boxing glove hands, and finally we get to see some Cobra insignia! These gloved hands include bands for the wrists to complete the look. It’s going to be a tough choice to decide whether to display Boa with the Cobra-branded boxing gloves or the bloody taped up hands.
As I said earlier, it’s fun to experience some of these old characters for the first time in Classified. I don’t have any childhood attachment to Big Boa, but I think this figure is great and he’s certainly a fun and colorful addition to my Cobra forces. Maybe Hasbro could have tossed in a few more accessories, as he does feel a tad light compared to some other releases, but he’s certainly got the essentials. I was originally going to pass on the Mad Marauders version of Sgt Slaughter, but seeing as how he comes with boxing gloves, I may need to pick him up so these guys can go mano-a-mano in the ring.
I think it’s safe to say that 2024’s Classified SDCC Exclusive generated a lot of surprise and delight among collectors. The line hasn’t shown a lot of strong ties to the Sunbow cartoon and yet here we are getting a Classified figure that references Cobra Commander’s grim fate in the ’87 GI JOE movie. Having been found guilty of incompetency, the denizens of Cobra-La sentence The Commander to slowly transmute into a snake. I’m not a huge fan of the film, but I will admit that Cobra Commander fate was probably the most disturbing thing I’d seen in a cartoon up to that point. Optimus Prime dying in The Transformers movie was sad, but this was just pure body horror that creeped me the hell out. As popular as this release was, I do think this was a great idea for an Exclusive, as I imagine there’s a good number of Classified collectors who don’t really care about that film and would be happy to pass on this figure. Then again, Hasbro did show off a Classified version of Nemesis Enforcer, so like it or not, Classified Cobra-La is very much a thing.
The set comes in a window box with a flap that has a lenticular front depicting the horrific transformation from man to snake man to snake creature. Alas, the effect baffles my camera, so you’ll have to settle for a shot of the flap open and showing off the goods inside. The set includes Cobra Commander in two stages of his terrible transformation, plus you get some extra hands and accessories, a lot of which are taken from the HISS HasLab Exclusive Commander and the yet to be released Retro-Carded Commander. Everything here is collector friendly, which is great because this is definitely a figure I will be displaying in the package.
The Commander comes out of the box as mid-transformation Snake Man after being exposed to the dreaded Spores! The waist down is borrowed from the previously mentioned Commander figures, although the belt buckle has been repainted from the HasLab figure. He still has his combat knife and sheath strapped to his left leg. The torso and arms are now newly sculpted snake skin with the remnants of his torn tunic worn like a vest. The snake skin is a cool mix of scales and bumpy textured areas and I think the mix of blue uniform and yellow orange snakeskin makes for a very attractive deco.
The mutated snake head is absolute nightmare fuel. It’s like his teeth have migrated to the outside of his face, a heavy brow ridge had formed and he’s got multiple eyes budding out on his cheeks and forehead. There are some sculpted fangs showing, but these aren’t painted so it can be hard to make them out. I think the printing for the blue eyes is a bit miffed, but otherwise, this is a great sculpt that would have make any David Cronenberg film proud.
You also get a fully helmeted head. This appears to be the same sculpt as the previously mentioned Commander figures. It does have the cartoon-style white stripe at the top, which the Retro-Carded release will have, but was lacking from the HasLab version. There is also a detached face mask, which Roadblock picks up in the movie. It has some cracks and the inside of the mask is highly detailed with all sorts of circuitry.
Also repacked is the classic hairdryer-style pistol and backpack to mount it on. This is a bit of an odd inclusion, as I’m pretty sure I remember him being disarmed when they put him in the giant clam and he’s never shown with it after inhaling the spores. But am I complaining? Nope. It’s great that they included it and I can always give this to the regular Classified Cobra Commander if I want to.
Finally, you get the extra hands that came with the other two Cobra Commander figures. These include fists, accessory holding hands, a pointy finger right hand and a open grip left hand.
The more mutated version of the figure is mostly cast in a dense rubbery plastic. The arms have some articulation at the shoulders, but otherwise it’s a static piece. The tail is partially coiled, which works well to have him stand. You can also use it to wrap around another Roadblock like he did in the movie. There’s a cut in the tail, but mine does not want to swivel, so I’m not sure if this is intended as an articulation point or just a seam from where the figure was assembled.
Hasbro did a nice job on the production side of this set, but no so much on the selling end. It was available after the convention as a Pulse Exclusive and it sold out immediately. Later it returned sporadically, selling out and coming back into stock seemingly at random times. And that was probably more frustrating than if it had just sold out quickly and was gone. Some people will argue that back in the day SDCC Exclusives were only available to attendees, so any slim chance to get one afterwards is better than it used to be. That may be true, but I still think Hasbro handled it poorly. And the idea of placing a five per customer limit is just ridiculous and seriously needs to stop. It serves no purpose other than to feed scalpers. In the end, I was happy to get one on Pulse, but I wouldn’t have chased it on the second hand market if I didn’t. Especially with it going for double the price. This is a cool figure to have, but certainly not one I would consider essential to my Classified collection. And I haven’t even decided yet whether I will pursue the Cobra-La Classified figures at all.
Super7’s various Ultimates line are becoming a weekly fixture around these parts, and that’s because I collect three of these lines and S7 has been pumping them out pretty hot and heavy. Right now ThunderCats and GI JOE are battling for slots every week so I can get current and get back to Silverhawks. Today I’m headed back into Wave 3 of the GI JOE Ultimates to have a look at the Cobra Troopers. And if you want to get caught up, I’ve already checked out both Scarlett and Storm Shadow from this assortment!
Ah, the good old days, when these figures came with slipcovers! These were phased out in the following wave, and at this point S7 had already changed the snazzy glossy finish on the cardboard to dull matte. The presentation is still nice, with the blue camo, bold red Cobra emblem, dogtag style name plate and the weathering made to look like paint rubbed off of steel. But, these will continue to die a death of a thousand cost cuts until we get just the window box. As we’re about to see, the Cobra Trooper comes with parts to make two variants of the same figure, so naturally I picked up two.
There’s just something about the Sunbow cartoon Cobra Troops that I love so much. These guys were pretty buff and badass looking, even if they were a bunch of clowns who were prone to getting taken out by having their heads knocked together like a couple of coconuts. The uniforms take inspiration from the RAH designs, but they’ve been streamlined for a super clean toony look. The fatigues here are recreated as smooth and without much in the way of tailored detail, although they do each have a pouch on their right legs. The belts include shoulder straps and two more pouches on the hips. The shoulder rigs are executed in the Y-back style. There are black and white hexagonal knee pads, and the boots have some white buckles on the sides. Finally, a bold Cobra emblem is emblazoned on the front of the shirts. Like I said, these guys are clean and simple and perfectly evoke the animated look.
There are two different heads with each figure, and these are varied by fair skin and tan skin, so you can have a little bit of variety in your troops if you decide to army build. Unlike most of S7’s Ultimates, the head swap here is done at the base of the neck so that you get the skin color change all the way down to the uniform collar. The helmet and face mask designs are identical, but there is a little variety in the painted facial features. The lighter skinned trooper has blonde eyebrows, while the tan has black, but neither are showing any hair under the helmets. I really like how they handled this variation and I wouldn’t be opposed to picking up a couple more if they reissued the figure with yet another two head designs.
By now you should all know the deal with the articulation here. It’s serviceable, but some of the joints lack the range in motion that most collectors would have preferred. I will say that the rotating hinges in the elbows feel like they have a tiny bit more range than some other figures in the line, as they can easily do a 90-degree bend. It’s still not ideal, but I’ve learned to accept what we got here and still have fun with it. All of the joints on these guys worked great straight out of the box. You do get several pairs of hands, and each set is duplicated in both the light and tan skin to go with whichever head you choose. The hands include fists, trigger hands, and loose grip hands. I would have liked a pair of relaxed or karate chop hands, but in fairness, they were duplicating each set and that’s a lot of hands! Let’s move on to accessories, and we’ll start with the weapons!
First off, each Trooper comes with a laser pistol and I really dig this design. IT’s boxy in the receiver with a site at the end of the barrels. It looks serviceable and fairly realistic, as opposed to some of the more wackier pistols we’ve seen in this line. The detail is really sharp and I really like the blue-gray finish, which is repeated for all the guns included with these guys.
And here’s my all time favorite of Cobra’s arsenal: The laser submachine gun! These have no stocks and a scope mounted up top. There’s a magazine type attachment in front of the trigger guard, which in this case I assume is a battery pack, since they fired lasers in the cartoon. There’s just enough detail here to look good without compromising the simplicity of the toon aesthetic. These are the guns that I’ll be displaying with these guys all the time.
Finally for the guns, you get a large rifle, and these tend more toward realism than the usual cartoon weapons. These have skeletal stocks, a very detailed receiver, complex scopes, and even carry straps. These designs are based off the weapon included with the original Real American Hero Cobra soldier
And finally, you get the bitchin’ laser whip from the original Mini-Series. These have tube shaped, lightsaber-like hilts with some painted controls and the bright blue whips are cast in a soft rubbery plastic. I’m not sure if the whips are designed to be removed from the hilts or not. I gave it a little tug and it didn’t come out, so I’m not going to risk it.
In addition to all that firepower, you get a couple of pieces of equipment. First up, the Cobra Trooper comes with a walkie-talkie so he can talk to his chums. We have had a few walkies in this line so far, but I think this is a new sculpt. It’s got a circular screen mesh speaker and a frequency display on the top, along with an antenna. There’s a hand designed to hold it, and it can be a bit tricky to get it in there, but once I got it, it worked fine.
And the final accessory is a briefcase bomb! The blue briefcase has four tiny feet to rest on and a gray carry handle. Open it up and it reveals a very toony looking bomb inside with some different colored wires and a digital screen showing the timer.
Oh boy, do I dig these guys! While I loved each and every one of my RAH figures, I can remember wishing my Cobra Troops looked more like the cartoon, although in fairness I only ever had one Cobra and one Cobra Officer. Super7 did a great job nailing the animated look and the weapons and accessories are all great. I’m keeping a close eye on these to go on sale, but I haven’t decided what that magic number is that will make me go crazy and get a bunch more. It would be cool to see these reissued with two more variant heads and maybe an H-back for the shoulder straps. I’d also love to see S7 give us some female Cobra Troopers as well.
Some new Dreadnoks arrived last week, one of whom, Torch, completes the original trio of terror. I’ve already checked out Buzzer last year, but I never got around to Ripper, so I decided to pair them up for today’s review. It seems somehow appropriate since back in the 25th Anniversary Collection, Buzzer got his own release and Ripper and Torch were sold in a two-pack. I make it no secret that I absolutely loved the Dreadnoks in both the original Real American Hero line and the Sunbow cartoon. These guys were like throwing a bomb into the middle of the balance of power, and with how often Zartan and the Dreadnoks betrayed Cobra when I played with my JOEs, it’s a wonder why they kept hiring them. And their sudden reversal at the end of the second cartoon Mini-Series remains one of my all time favorite moments from that series.
One nice thing about waiting so long to get to Ripper is that it lets me to a side-by-side comparison of the package changes. Buzzer and Ripper were released in the plastic-free, fully enclosed box, but Torch sees the return of the window box. I’m glad I don’t collect these figures for boxed display because this sort of thing would drive me crazy. It also means that only Ripper and Torch get those nifty cardboard footlockers for their gear. Still, all in all I like the window boxes a lot better, as it gives you a great look at the figure and most of what he comes with. Let’s start with Ripper, since he’s been waiting around for a long time!
Infamous for extorting candy in nursery school, Ripper has been a bad seed his whole life and now he’s arrived to make life miserable for the JOEs. The Classified figure takes the original RAH design and runs with it. His camo tank top is no longer a half-shirt and now completely covers his abs. The blue jeans are a darker denim with some nice texturing, there’s a wide belt, a chain hooked onto two of the belt loops, black knee pads and high black boots. The gold bicep band on the original figure’s right arm is now fully fleshed out with a spike strip, there’s a sculpted wrist band on his left arm, and the holster that was sculpted onto the original figure’s right thigh is now a fully functional separate piece, held in place by friction. The sculpted grenade and knife on the RAH figure is replaced with a separate shoulder harness that’s worn by the figure. It’s got a pair of pineapple style grenades sculpted onto the right shoulder strap, while the left one has a functional sheath for his combat knife. And, of course, the shoulders are reinforced with spikes! Everything about Ripper screams that society failed him, and I love everything about this update, and we haven’t even gotten to the head sculpt yet.
Oh yeah! Ripper’s giant meat head, features a full beard, mutton chops, and I don’t even know how to describe that haircut, but I do know that the barber responsible hates the world. He’s got a mohawk that tufts in the front and runs down the back to form a mullet tail, while the sides are close shaven. And boy did Hasbro do a nice job texturing that buzz cut. He’s got one dogtag serving as a right earring and a necklace of more dogtags strung around his neck. I also failed to previously mention the beautiful tatts that he’s got printed on his right shoulder and left arm.
The glasses are removable, and these work a heck of a lot better than Buzzer’s did, which had problems staying put. I’m not going to say these will never fall off when posing or playing, but they do stay on much, much better. Take them off and you can see him popping a glass eye with a smiley face in his right socket, and that has got to be one of the greatest and most bizarre little touches I’ve ever seen on a mainstream, mass market action figure. And for you parents out there, you can have fun explaining to little Timmy what the tear drop tattoo under the left eye means! Ripper’s whole expression is fantastic, as he growls, showing his teeth. You even get scars bisecting both of his eyebrows. Top notch work!
Moving on to weapons, we’ll start small. The thigh holster houses a rather unique pistol that looks like some kind of Road Warrior custom job. There’s no visible magazine, so it may be very low capacity. It does have a serrated knife-style bayonet on it, and overall looks pretty cool.
The combat knife stowed in his shoulder sheath is a nice piece of work. It has a sawback blade with a clipped point and a knuckle guard on the hilt. A lot of these Classified knives are just tiny black pieces of plastic with no personality, so I really enjoy when the cutlery gets a little extra love thrown its way. I also dig how the left hand is perfectly sculpted to hold it, but will still work as a trigger-finger hand for the guns.
Next up is his rifle with the crazy curved metal splitter blade. I fell in love with this rifle design ever since I first saw it in the animated commercial for Marvel’s GI JOE #30. The initial main strategy of the Dreadnoks seemed to be that they just snuck into your base while you were sleeping and wrecked your equipment like a bunch of assholes. Anyway, this weapon is so damn badass, and Ripper was using it to stab the hell out of a VAMP in the commercial. There is some fantastic sculpted detail on this weapon, including a scope, top rail, suppressor, and it has a removable magazine. There’s also a peg on his back, so you can secure it through the trigger guard.
And that brings us to Ripper’s signature weapon, the giant power jaws. Patterned after the Jaws of Life that first responders use to rescue people, Ripper just uses it to wreck stuff. It looks like the unholy mating of a pincer claw and a leaf blower and I do love it. I’m kind of disappointed that we didn’t get a backpack and power cable to go with it, but in fairness it does seem to be redesigned to be self contained. Maybe it’s for the better because the power cable on my 25th Anni. Ripper was pretty frustrating and to be honest, I’d rather have the option to stow his rifle on his back when he’s using this thing. OK, let’s turn up the heat and move on to Torch!
The OG Dreadnok trio is rounded out by Torch, and there’s no way I can write a better introduction to him than what was printed on his original filecard. “Torch is an illiterate, unrepentant thug whose penchant for sudden and unexpected violence is matched only by the utter depth of his stupidity.” That’s just gold. As with his comrades, the Classified Torch sticks pretty close to the original RAH design, but maybe with fewer embellishments here. The leather jacket is cast in soft plastic and worn by the figure with the same three straps connecting it below his chest. There’s some bright and snappy silver paint applied to the buckles and zippers, as well as the chain loops at the shoulders, and studs on the back. I do kind of miss the graphic added to the jacket for the 25th Anniversary figure, I thought that was a nice bit of embellishment and added some character, but i guess the studs are nice too. The light blue jeans are textured and disappear into his high black boots, which have reinforced knees. He has twin holsters attached to his thighs and held on by friction, along with a spiked band on his left arm. His hands have sculpted gloves, with chains wrapped around the wrists. These are left gray plastic, and it’s a shame they couldn’t have been painted silver. The silver belt sculpted around his waist looks very nice, and I dig the flame tats on his forearms. He also has some cheeky flame patches on the back pockets of his jeans!
The head sculpt is solid, but I feel like it shows a little lower effort compared to Buzzer and Ripper, kind of like they started to run out of steam by the time they got to him. It definitely hits all the beats of the RAH original, with the mustache, side beard, and ball chin. He’s also got his trademark glasses and red headband. The glasses are are part of the sculpt this time, and I don’t have a problem with that considering the success rate on glasses so far was only 50-50. But, the overall quality of the sculpt here seems softer and less detailed. There are also uneven lines around the beard’s paint, which is disappointing. I do like the studded choker and the animal skull pendant is very cool, especially the way the neck cord looks like horns protruding from the top. This is not in any way a bad portrait, just a step down from the other really great ones.
The dual holsters hold a matched pair of automatic pistols. These are cast in grey plastic and nicely detailed. You also get holes in the barrels for blast effect parts, though none are included. Considering the original figure only came with his torch and backpack, it’s cool that he got a pair of pistols here.
Of course, Torch comes his signature weapon, which was an acetylene torch. The tanks are worn on his back and are given a bit more personality here, with the central tank painted in yellow and decked out with some graphics and the and “Nocks Rule” There’s a hose coming off the side of the backpack, which plugs into the torch itself. The torch can be attached to the bottom of the tanks for storage, with the hose awkwardly looping out to the side. But, you can remove the hose if it gets in the way.
The torch is cast in gray plastic and has two handles, with the trigger being in the front. There’s also a really bitchin demon skull on the front with the tip of the torch protruding from its jaws and flame shooting up from the eye sockets. As cool as the flaming eyes are, it’s a pity they aren’t removable for when the torch is not in use, because with them there it looks like it’s always on. You get three different flame effect pieces, the first of which is just a bit of flame puffing out the nozzle.
Now, I’m certainly no expert, but I think I know the difference between an acetylene torch and a flamethrower, but I’m not sure the world of GI JOE does, because this thing is clearly a flame thrower. I don’t know, it has three tanks on the back, which is one more than you need for an acetylene torch, so maybe it’s rigged as both? Sure, let’s go with that. Still, who’s going to quibble when the flame effects look this damn good!
Boy it feels great to have the original three Dreadnoks finally together in the Classified line! If we’re going by the figure itself, I think Ripper is my favorite of the three, with Buzzer second and Torch falling in a close third. On the other hand, if we’re going by specialty weapon, Torch takes the prize because he just looks so damn cool shooting out those flame effects. Either way, you can’t go wrong with this trinity of terror, and they look fantastic with Zartan and Zarana. Gnawgahyde and his menagerie also arrived, so I hope to be getting to him soon. Next on the top of my list will be Zanzabar!
I’ll confess, I feel so guilty pushing new Classified releases to the head of the review line when I have so many older figures to look at here. But then again the new Cobra Ferrets rolled in this past weekend and how could I not? This Combat ATV was first introduced to the Cobra arsenal back in 1985, and was just another prime example of how many cool toys this line had that were still small and affordable. And by affordable I mean that if I was really good and tagged along with my Dad when he went to Sears on Saturday morning to get a tool, I might have a chance of talking him into getting me a FANG, a SNAKE Armor, a FERRET. or some other small vehicle. These were also featured several times in the Sunbow cartoon, which just made them all the more desirable, probably because of hidden subliminal messages.
And behold, the new Classified Ferret. No longer a little impulse item, this new Cobra ATV is scaled for the 6-inch line, is big enough to carry a couple of riders, and is bristling with weaponry. This release was a Hasbro Pulse Exclusive and sold out fairly quickly, and there is a Target Exclusive JOE version on the way. You get a colorful box with some great artwork and shots of the toy. And unlike the original RAH version, this one comes with a dedicated driver, The Cobra Ferret Scout, visible through a window panel on the front of the box. Oh, and hello! It’s a lady! The Ferret requires a bit of assembly, and make sure you take note of the direction of those tire treads, because once you put them on, they’re a bitch to take off again. I bought two and learned my lesson putting together the the first. Let’s start with the figure!
The Ferret Scout is a repaint of the Cobra Valkyries that came in a two-pack not that long ago. The previously black and blue fatigues are now light grey and dark grey, with some black, blue and trim added. It’s a rather unique deco that is very pleasing to the eye and maybe leans into an urban camo vibe for me. The belt, bicep strap, and holster rig are all borrowed directly from the Valkyrie, but an ankle sheath has been added to the left leg. There’s also an additional vest piece that’s worn by the figure providing a little armor to the vital bits, and stamped with a red Cobra emblem on the front.
The head is also borrowed from one of the noggins that came with the Valks, but it now includes a riding helmet. This piece is cast in soft plastic and encompasses the entire head with an opening for the eyes. The design is awesome, with a snakehead motif forming the top of the visor, complete with snake fangs, and a pair of painted fangs over the mouth guard. It fits the figure very well and it’s nice to have the option to remove it, rather than have a sculpted helmet head.
As for weapons, the Ferret Scout gets by with two automatic pistols and a combat knife. The combat knife is small and cast all in black plastic. It’s nothing special, but a nice addition, since the Valks didn’t come with one. No doubt useful for taking care of any JOE that jumps onto the Ferret, by stabbing them in the neck with it. Yeah, I went dark with that one! The pistols are the same pair that came with the Valks, with one worn in a cross-draw holster on the left hip and the other on the right thigh rig. These are also cast all in black and have sockets in the barrels for blast effect parts, although none are included with this set.
I really love this figure, which should come as no surprise, as I was a big fan of the Valks. The recolor and rework done here makes her stand out on her own and I think the overall design works wonderfully for a dedicated Ferret driver that we never got in the original RAH series. A rifle and some blast effect parts would have been cool, but I can always dig into my copious box of Classified accessories if I need to kit them out a bit more. Now, let’s move onto the Ferret itself!
As we’ve seen time and again, the Classified version takes the original RAH design and updates it for scale and maybe just a little bit of realism. The coloring remains blue and black with red trim and all the design beats are still here, from the side mounted rockets to the pivoting front guns, and the large side-mounted cannon. This new version feels a more chonky and durable, as it no longer has an exposed engine compartment where you could see through to the other side. You do, however, get some exposed sections of the engine, which are painted over in silver. There’s a ton of tampo’d lettering on this thing, many of which are lifted directly from the original toy, like the X02 under the steering column or the Caution Exhaust on the rear pipes. Even the tires are branded!
The front of the vehicle has a non-working winch, protected by a cage, the steering wheel has a detailed instrument panel and can turn, but it is not connected to the front wheels. You do, however, get working independent suspension in each wheel, which is very cool. The side rockets, originally called COM-BAT laser-seeking rockets, have the same weird double sided design, which I never really understood, and this new version looks even more confusing. Either way, these simply peg into the launch carrier and I’d nitpick about not getting a launch effect piece, but when the rocket has two nosecone and no exhaust, where would you even plug it in? I will say that the rockets are kind of rubbery, which is a bit disappointing.
The side cannon pegs into a clip, which in turn clips onto the cage, allowing you to mount it on either side of the vehicle. It also allows it to be easily removed for a figure to fire it when it’s off the vehicle. The system of attachment allows it to raise and lower as well as pivot. I’m thankful that you can remove the cannon by the peg attachment, because constantly removing and attaching that clip will probably cause stress to the plastic, so I don’t want to do that. .
Despite coming with just the one driver, the Ferret was always designed to carry two figures, and this one is no different. The gun hands do a good job grabbing the handlebars. I did find the leg placement a little awkward, but you can definitely make it work, and there’s no trouble getting a second figure on the back.
Of course, I always had my Crimson Twins riding the Ferret together when I was a kid! The Ferret was released at about the same time as the Tomax and Xamot set and it was colored to match their outfits, so I always assumed it was intended as their unofficial vehicle. I’m pretty sure I got the twins and the Ferret pretty close to each other and it was theirs from that moment on.
The Ferret sold for $55, placing it right in line with the Trouble Bubble and Televiper bundle, a set that I have yet to review here and I really need to remedy that! I’ve seen some complaints over the price, but with a bundled figure, I don’t think it’s that bad, although I did limit myself to just two, whereas I really wanted to pick up three. I guess I do have a little bit of willpower left. Either way, the Ferret sold out pretty quickly, and it seems to be going for around $80 to $100 on the second hand market. I haven’t seen anything from Hasbro about planning a restock, but Hasbro really needs to get on that, because I’d now that I’ve played around with it, I’d probably pick up a third. As I mentioned earlier, the mold has been recycled into the Target Exclusive GI JOE Tiger Paw. I generally skip the Tiger Force stuff, but I did break down and preorder that one, so maybe I spoke too soon about that willpower. And yeah, that one seems to have sold out too.
I am doubling down my commitment to get current on Super7 GI JOEUltimates, because I am seriously behind! And yes, doubling down means I’ll be doubling up on some of these figures to get caught up a little faster. Today I’ll be trekking back to the second wave, and since I’ve already looked at Flint and Lady Jaye, let’s have a look at the other half: Destro and The Baroness! Buckle up and try to pace yourself, this will be a long ride with over 70 pictures!
We’ve seen the packaging before and know exactly what to expect. The figures come in window boxes with sleeves over the top and these look fantastic. There’s a high gloss blue camo deco with a bold crimson Cobra emblem emblazoned on the fronts and everything is finished off with a deco that looks like the metal with paint that has been scraped off in areas down to the bare metal. Lift off the top and you get a good look at the figure and accessories through the window, and there are bio blurbs on the back panel with some character art from the Sunbow cartoon! Everything is collector friendly, but as good as these boxes look, I don’t have the space to keep them, so they are getting recycled. Let’s start with The Baroness!
This figure is designed to work based on the Marvel comic book or Sunbow cartoon. Obviously, The Baroness has had different costumes over the years, but in this case the blue and yellow suit references the original Sunbow Miniseries or her early comic appearances. Now, it’s probably been ten years since I read any of those comics, but I will say I liked this look for her in the cartoon even though it was short lived. The coloring here is really gorgeous with the blue and bright yellow playing off each other beautifully, plus the black of the boots and gauntlets and the pale blue stripes running down the legs. Other than a seam running down the center of the body suit and some rumples on the boots and gloves, the only other real sculpted detail is the quilting on the belt, collar, and shoulder straps. Yes, it’s a very simple look but it’s faithful to the toon appearance. The holster was worn by Baroness in the comic and it can be removed for more of a Sunbow look, but doing so leaves a hole in the leg. Fortunately, I dig the holster, so I’ll be leaving it on.
You get a whopping four heads to choose from. The first two have the green tinted glasses, with one being a neutral expression and the other with furled eyebrows and a smirk. I really like both of these and it’s a toss up as to which one I’ll go with the most. I think the neutral face looks slightly better, but the smirk gives her more personality. Yeah, this figure makes use of the flesh toned plastic as opposed to painted face. Personally, I think it looks fine on its own, but there’s definitely a disparity when displayed next to Duke from the first wave. The hair sculpt is good, but sadly it renders the neck articulation all but null and void.
The third head is a comic based portrait and I don’t like it as much as either of the previous two. It’s the glasses that are a mixed bag. The lenses just look too big. Not terrible, but not the look I’d be going for with display. The hair here has the same hindering effect on the neck articulation, but it does add some blue highlights, perhaps to evoke the comic book coloring. Either way, this one is not for me.
And finally, we get the gasmask head, which Super 7 states is a comic book reference, but damn it looks like it would fit right in with the Sunbow aesthetic too. This creepy pale gray mask has a pair of blue painted eye lenses, a filter off to one side, and a tube that runs down to an O2 tank that she can wear on the back, secured by a shoulder strap. It’s all sculpted as one piece and it looks awesome!
I’ve looked at enough Ultimates figures so I won’t run through all the articulation. As usual, what we get follows the formula of emphasizing clean cartoon aesthetics at the expense of posability. At this point you either accept it or move on. I’ve gone on record saying I mostly don’t mind what we get here, although I would have liked more range in the elbows. The joints on my figure all feel smooth and solid, and I’m surprised at how reasonably balanced she is despite having those high heels. The ab crunch hinge we get on most of the men is replaced here with a ball joint under her chest. Of course, you get a ton of hands, which include fists and plenty to work with the accessories. With that having been said, I would have liked a pair of relaxed hands or karate chop hands, but neither are included.
As with most GI JOE Ultimates, you get a lot of accessories, and it’s a pretty varied mix of extras inspired by the cartoon, comic book, and original toy. Starting off with the weapons, you get a dagger and a pistol. The pistol can be stored in the holster as well as wielded in either left or right hand. It’s a simple cartoony looking sculpt cast in dark gray plastic. The dagger is a stout straight blade and a grooved grip all painted in silver.
Next up is a laser rifle, which is supposedly inspired by the weapon released with the original RAH version of The Baroness. There are some similarities, but it’s not a great likeness. It does have the skeletal stock and a magazine, but the top just has a rail and is missing the scope from the RAH weapon. I’m not saying this is a bad looking rifle, I like it a lot, but it’s a pretty loose take on the original. It may have been better if S7 had not noted it’s inspiration in the solicitation info. There is a soft rubber carry strap included, which pegs in at the stock and base of the foregrip, but I can’t get it to peg in to the front properly so I just cast it aside.
The final weapon is based on the cartoon and I love this one. It has that lovely laser sub-machine gun design that was all over the Sunbow aesthetic. It’s cast in the same dark gray plastic as the pistol, has a very simple toony sculpt, and this one does have a scope mounted on top.
The final two accessories are comic based, so offhand I’m not really familiar with their context. The first is called a cameragun and I dig this one a lot. It looks like something that could have easily shown up in the cartoon. What does it do? Don’t know! But I’ll concoct some crazy Cobra scheme for it in my head. The other accessory is a tiny white syringe and I can’t show it to you since it’s disappeared… because, well it’s tiny. Crazy enough one of the hands is specifically made to hold the syringe, so I’m not sure why they didn’t just sculpt it as part of the hand. But I’ll claim responsibility for losing it and we’ll move on.
I really like how Super7 cast a wide net over this one to appeal to cartoon and comics fans, especially since this look was short-lived in the cartoon so there weren’t nearly enough cartoon-inspired extras that could be included. I’m sure a lot of collectors would have rather S7 went straight to the more iconic black-suited Baroness, but I’m really happy that we got this one as well. I watched the hell out of that first Miniseries, so for a long time this was my Baroness and I remember desperately wanting a figure of this design. OK, let’s move on to Destro!
Unlike The Baroness, Destro has had the same iconic look through the cartoon’s run and he didn’t look that much different from the RAH figure, either. And boy does he have a unique fashion sense! He has his black jumpsuit with ostentatious, red lapel-collar thing that plunges all the way down to his belt buckle, leaving his manly muffiny McCullen chest exposed. The amulet is sculpted as part of the body so it does stay put. His boots and belt are matte gray and he has a rather stylized M on the buckle. His gauntlets and arm bracers are painted in a beautifully premium metallic silver finish, as is his masked head. Two red straps encircle his right thigh, presumably to attach a non-existent holster. I gotta say all the sculpted muscles on his back are well done as well. This is a great looking Sunbow-styled figure!
Destro does come with weapons options for both of his gauntlets. You can go with rockets on both, or follow the RAH figure and place rockets on his right arm and a brace of grenades on his left. These are cast on soft plastic frames that clip onto the arm bracers. I don’t recall him having these all that often in the cartoon, so it’s nice to have the option to go without. But, I do remember him firing them off in the episode Skeletons in the Closet. We’ll see a few accessories from that episode, which explored Destro’s family heritage and was also remarkable for having Lady Jaye running around in a torn nightgown for at least half of it. Oh, and also nearly getting sacrificed to a Lovecraftian Eldar God. YO JOE!!!
There are no less than four heads to choose from, but only three are really practical. You get neutral expression, angry expression, and laughing expression. All of these are great, and if you’re wondering how a metal mask can make all these expressions, just remember that it’s a cartoon with a lot more inexplicable stuff going on in it than Destro’s mask. I really dig the black eyes with green pupils, which was so distinctive in the cartoon and like the gauntlets, the silver paint used on these heads is beautiful. I’ll likely go with either of the first two for regular display.
The fourth head is from covered in molten lava, recreating a scene from the second episode of The Pyramids of Darkness Miniseries. It’s more of a joke reference than a useful extra, because who is going to display the figure with this? And while we’re touching on this reference, they also included the hand sander that he used to get rid of the lava in the same scene. Yeah, I kind of get what they were going for here, but I feel like it’s just tossing in accessories as a reference, rather than something most collectors are ever going to display. It’s fun to have a laugh and say, “I remember that!” as you take it out of the tray, try it out and then forget about it forever. I would much rather have had a black briefcase as a reference to the RAH figure than this head and sander.
Destro’s articulation is smooth and works well with the usual points in the arms and legs. While most of the guys in this line get ab crunch hinges, Destro gets just a ball joint in the waist so as not to break up the sculpting on his chest, and I believe that was a good idea. He’s extremely well balanced, thanks to his big chonky boots, and of course you get a lot of hands to work with his accessories, as well as a pair of fists.
Destro is a weapons dealer so he definitely needs to come with some weapons! Let’s start with a couple of pistols. The first is a fairly realistic looking automatic pistol, which is absolutely huge, almost to a point of looking silly. I don’t know where S7 pulled this design from, but it’s too oversized and generic to be much use to me. The second has more of a sci-fi element to it. It’s very simple and while I don’t recognize it, it looks like it could be based on a Sunbow design. Both are cast in dark gray plastic and neither of these are all that impressive.
He comes with a third pistol, which is taken directly from the previously mentioned episode, Skeletons in the Closet. He uses this to fire at Lady Jaye and Flint while they’re escaping. I dig the design on this one, it’s very much in line with the cartoon aesthetic, and this is the one I will likely display him with.
Moving on to the heavier artillery, you get a missile launcher and missile. The launcher is just a big black tube, which looks like it’s designed to telescope for easier carry. There’s a fin on the top and a handle and trigger on the bottom. The missile is dark purple with a black warhead and it will slide all the way inside the launcher tube, but I like to have it peeking out the front a bit so you know it’s there.
The final weapon is the Molecular Reducer and Enlarger, which isn’t really a weapon, it’s just a gun that fires a beam that, well… does exactly what the name says. Cobra used it to shrink down its forces and sneak them into GI JOE HQ inside toys that were meant to be Christmas presents for a Toys For Tots program and yes, that’s all something that really happened in the episode Cobra CLAWS Are Coming To Town.
Moving away from the weapons, Destro comes with a pair of binoculars, which are pretty lame. It’s just a blue box with lighter blue paint on the front and back lenses. Totally forgettable. On the plus side, he also has the joystick controller he used to make the gladiators fight in The Arena of Sport, seen in the very first Miniseries. I love this thing! It’s clearly designed to look like an Atari 2600 joystick and it has some nice paint apps on the red button and top ball of the stick, as well as some paint to reflect the glowing panels on the sides. The hands provided work really well with it.
The final accessory is again drawn from Skeletons in the Closet and it’s the iron mask that they made Destro’s ancestor wear after he was found guilty of witchcraft. It’s a really nice recreation of the cartoon version, and while he never actually wore it in the cartoon, you can put it on the figure. I think this would look great mounted on the wall of a diorama of Destro’s office or even just sitting on a desk.
As a figure, I think Destro turned out great. As for the selection of accessories? Well, there’s a few real bangers in here, but then some of it feels rather useless. The joystick is fun, the mask is great, and I love how they did his arm weapons. I dig the one Sunbow gun and the Molecular Reducer too. But stuff like the lava head and hand sander are just joke references that don’t really add much value to the package. Also, two of the pistols and the binoculars are just kind of lame and forgettable. I feel like his briefcase and maybe a rifle would have been better. Or how about three canisters of rare elements for The MASS Device or a component from The Weather Dominator?
It’s a pretty good gauge of how much I liked figures when I can’t stop taking pictures of them, and that was certainly the case here. These are tons of fun to play with, and finally getting Sunbow stylized GI JOE figures like these is like a dream come true. And while this review definitely went long, I think it was worth it, because now that I’m completely through Waves 1 and 2, I can work on knocking out the rest of Wave 3, and get myself current to 4, all hopefully before Wave 5 comes out. Obviously, Destro and Baroness were heavy hitters to add to this collection, although Baroness has since been updated to her black outfit in the most recent wave. And while I had issues with some of the accessory choices included with Destro, I think both of these figures turned out great! As for moving forward, I may tackle some of the next figures solo, or double up some from different waves. But, I also need to keep chipping away at GI JOE Classified. So many great GI JOE toys to enjoy and so little time! Either way, I expect to get back to this line at some point next week!
Well, we all knew this was coming! When the HasLab HISS arrived I had fun speculating over that little tow hitch on the back and how long it would be before we got something to tow around with it. And here we are less than six months later and Hasbro delivered with the Cobra HMS! This mobile missile system is based off of the 1985 Sears Exclusive mobile missile platform that was towed by a red HISS. Of course, that toy in turn was a repaint of the original 1982 Mobile Missile System, which was part of GI JOE’s arsenal and towed around by the VAMP. But, the direct lineage can be traced back to the 2009 Rise of Cobra release of the Heetseek Missile System, a repaint and retool of the previously mentioned toys. I never owned Cobra’s version of this weapon system, and I was eager to make my HasLab HISS even more formidable, so picking up this one was a no-brainer for me!
The HMS comes in a box designed to match the one used for the Classified HISS with more of that bitchin red and black deco that makes it look like you’re viewing the art through a Virtual Gameboy screen, only without the crippling headaches and nausea. In addition to the weapon platform you also get a Techno-Viper repainted to match the deco of the figures that make up the HISS support teams, which reminds me I still need to review that HISS Fire Team set! And speaking of things I haven’t reviewed yet, I’m in a sticky situation here, because I have yet to check out the regular release Classified Techno-Viper here, and I don’t usually like to review repaints before the originals, but I’m going to have to let that slide here. So, I’ll just be treating the Techno-Viper like a brand new figure, and I’ll do comparisons when I get around to looking at the single boxed release. So, let’s start with the figure!
The original RAH Techno-Viper was released in 1988. I was a few years out of JOEs by then and he wasn’t in the cartoon, so I didn’t know these guys even existed until I returned to GI JOE as an adult collector. And that’s a shame, because I love the concept behind these fellas. These are fully combat-trained Vipers, capable of fighting their way through the battle lines to ask if you if you’ve tried turning off your weapons platform and turning it back on again. I kid, but it makes perfect sense to have these guys capable of on-site repairs of everything from HISS Tanks to Weather Dominators. And of course, I’m sure this guy is well versed in HEETSEEK Missile Systems. This is a straight repaint of the single release and I think he looks great in the gray, black, and red color scheme Classified has adopted for the HISS crew, particularly with the silver hoses and trim.
And oh boy do I love this helmet design! It’s got a little bit of Stormtrooper-Cylon vibe going on, but manages to be all its own thing at the same time. I dig how deep set the eye lenses are in the mask and the way the helmet and mask are all layered. It looks like the visor piece is designed to be removed and it all adds a lot of depth and credibility to the head sculpt.
The backpack is quite similar to the original RAH design. It has a pair of red tanks up top, containing who knows what. The lower half is designed to hold three repair tools, which simply slot in. There’s a grab bar on the bottom, which can also be used to secure the rifle by the handle, although I don’t think that’s intentional, rather just a place you can tuck it. The included hose can be attached to either of the pegs on top of the tanks with the other end pegging into either the rifle or any of the other tools. Frankly, I don’t understand what’s going on with this system of tanks and hoses. Why could you possibly need to connect spanners to the same tank as a rifle, and what’s any of it for? Don’t know, but it looks cool!
The rifle is an interesting sci-fi design with a prominent scope and a skeletal stock. There’s a hole in the barrel to take a blast effect part, if you have some lying around, although I have no idea what it’s supposed to shoot. Lasers would be my guess. The hose could use a little more slack to work with as some poses with the rifle will cause the hose to come unplugged and that can’t be good, because I’m guessing it needs that to fire.
As for the spanners, there are two claw-like wrenches and a hammer. These are no doubt used for the fine, precision work needed to keep Cobra’s equipment running well. Banging things with a hammer usually works! They look like they would be equally useful for taking swings at JOEs.
The Techno-Viper also packs an automatic pistol. It’s an interesting design that looks plausible with just a bit of sci-fi flavor. The detail in the sculpt is excellent and it looks like it’s got some optics mounted below the barrel. And like the rifle, it has a socket in the barrel for blast effects. The sidearm has a home in the holster strapped to the Techno-Viper’s left leg.
And the final accessory is a holographic readout that plugs into either of his wrist computers. The piece is cast in translucent orange plastic and has some schematics and information sculpted into it. It reminds me a bit of the holographic images that The Four Horsemen have been releasing with their Cosmic Legions figures. It’s a neat idea and well implemented here. All in all, this is a great figure, but do I like it better than the regular release? Well, I’ll reserve judgement until I get to do a proper comparison. Hopefully in the near future. Now, onto the HEETSEEK Missile System…
Here is the HMS with the stabilizers down and ready to fire! The four legs lock into place and hold the platform with the wheels suspended off the ground. In addition to a lot of great sculpted detail, the HMS is absolutely littered with cool markings, stenciled warning labels and general information. The missile cradle can rotate 360-degrees and elevate to adjust the targeting range.
And holy crap, these missiles are absolutely huge! And yes, the curious spelling of HEETSEEK is pulled directly off of the vintage toy release. These red bringers of destruction have white lettering on the sides, along with a black Cobra emblem near the tip. The missiles tab onto the cradle and remain secure, but can be removed and hurled across the room at that approaching VAMP. There are sockets in the back of the missiles for effect parts, and I really wish some smoke trails were included with these as it would have added a lot more value to the set.
There is an access panel on the side of the platform that can be removed to access the programming and launching console. On the original toys, this was a remote pedestal with a cable that connected it to the platform. I guess it’s more convenient to have it integrated into the platform itself, but considering the price of the set, it would have been nice to get an optional remote console as well.
The hitch folds up into the platform, but still has the connection bar hanging out. It seems like there could have been a way to make this retract all the way and be more flush with the device, but at least they added a little articulation to it so it’s not just hanging on the ground for people to trip over, because than you have to get the OSHA-Vipers on the scene and nobody wants that. If you are buying this as a stand alone piece, it definitely works for play or display all by itself. But, the real draw here is getting it all hooked up to the HISS. Unfortunately I don’t have a backdrop or lighting rig for something this big so I’m going to have to shoot these pictures in the Classified Room under less than ideal conditions.
Oh, hell yeah! And if this doesn’t look like enough obscene overkill, I might remind you that Classified HISS has rocket pack saddlebags that I don’t have installed at the moment. With the stabilizer legs flipped up and the HMS hitched up, the missile platform rolls along on it’s two wheels and pairs perfectly with the High Speed Sentry. The matching colors make this look like a natural extension of the HISS rather than an Add On. And setting it up to fire beside the HISS with a full compliment of HISS Crew makes for a great display.
I’m extremely happy with this set! It takes an already epic toy like the Classified HISS and adds even more wow-factor to it. Plus, I just love the idea of getting a Techno-Viper dedicated to HISS and HMS maintenance. It really rounds out that crew nicely. Personally, I think it really needed some firing effect parts for the back of the missiles and a pedestal console certainly would have been nice. I’ve seen a fair amount of complaints about the price on this set, which retailed at $79.99, but I don’t think the asking price is all that out of line, when you consider the Trouble Bubble and Ferret both retailed at $59.99. As with those sets, you get a figure and with the huge missiles, this beast definitely involves a lot more plastic than those other small vehicles. Is it $20 more? Well, that’s up to you. I will say that if the price on this one is goosed a bit, I have to imagine it’s because it’s really an accessory for an expensive vehicle that is no longer on the market and fewer collectors will own. I mean, it does display just fine on it’s own, but you’d be missing out on the connectivity feature, at least until the inevitable release of the Cobra Stinger. The HMS is a Pulse Exclusive and at the time I’m publishing this it is still available for purchase.
It’s the last review of the year and final installment of my little Snow Joe Trilogy! I had originally hoped to get all these in before Christmas, but that clearly didn’t happen. But it’s still December and the wintery theme is still appropriate, so let’s do this! So far, I’ve checked out Snow Job and the Arctic BAT, and today we’re headed back into the icy tundra and having a look at Cobra’s predators of the winter wonderland: The Snow Serpent!
Like Snow Job, this guy is a Deluxe, which means he comes in a bigger box, costs more, and has a beefier inventory of accessories. The original Snow Serpents were released somewhere around 1985/86 and I was lucky enough to have one of these fellas to fight Snow Job. But he really just snuck in at the point where I stopped playing with toys a lo and very well may have been among the last GI JOE figures I got as a kid. I remember being really confused at how the filecard lumped these Serpents in with the Cobra Eels. I get that they’re both specialists, but it basically stated that Snow Serpents were just Eels with additional cold weather training. I quickly tossed out that idea. But I did like the fact that these guys were considered some of Cobra’s absolute elite troopers.
And here he is kitted out with most of his gear. Hasbro really played it close to the original figure on this one, and I’m loving it! The white fatigues are reinforced with sculpted fur around the neck, shoulders, and forearms with just a little yellow added to these to give the fur some natural color. The blue torso rig is blue with a T-7A style parachute pack across his front, and he has matching blue thigh rigs with holsters for his sidearms. There are insignia markings on both biceps and he has a pair of white removable snow shoes, which much to my surprise are different than the ones that came with Snow Job. This is a great looking figure and I expect the Real American Hero purists are going to love it! Or maybe they won’t. They can be a fickle lot.
The head sculpt also follows the original figure’s design beat for beat, but with a lot more detail. The helmet is white with silver caps over the ears. The black face mask has sculpted breather vents, and the goggles have a very vintage, almost WWII look about them, right down to the lovely orange rust spray around them. He also has a pair of blue tinted goggles, which can be worn up on top of the helmet, or pulled down over the goggles in the mask.
The Snow Serpent’s backpack may look familiar, and that’s because it’s a straight repaint of the one that came with Bazooka. This time it’s black frame with an off-white pouch. It has four slots to clip in the included bazooka rounds and there’s are two hooks on the bottom so he can store the bazooka across his butt. The bazooka is also the same one that came with David K. with some gray paint added to this mostly black tube of terror. The back piece can swivel open and you can load in the rounds. The bazooka is a stand in for the EK99 Anti-Tank missile that came with the original figure, which might irk some vintage fans, but I think it’s a great substitute and it even gives the Snow Serpent three more shots.
As for the rest of his ordinance, the Snow Serpent comes with a matched set of automatic pistols and a small combat knife. The pistols are nicely detailed, cast in all black, and have holes in the barrels for effect parts (not included). The knife is nothing special, and in what might be a Classified first, there is nowhere specific to store the knife on his person, unless you just want to tuck it into some of those thigh straps.
For something better than pistols and not as overstated as a bazooka round, the Snow Serpent has a fairly traditional looking AR-style rifle with a carry bar and a removable magazine. It’s a departure from the AK-style weapon of the original figure, but it’s a great sculpt and realistic looking, so I’m cool with that.
And we’re not done yet, because he also comes with this smaller grease gun-style sub-machine gun. It has a scope and a removable magazine and it reminds me of the weapons the Cobra troops often carried in the Sunbow cartoon, so naturally I love this one too! Like the pistols, both of these weapons have holes in the barrels to accommodate whatever effect parts you might have lying around.
If you want to give your Snow Serpents an upgraded look, Hasbro included a sculpted gray wolf pelt for some extra warmth and added intimidation factor. I can’t say I prefer this look, but it is a really nice option. The whole wolfy ensemble is made up of a head piece and a cape that pegs into the back and has the two front paws hanging over the shoulders. It’s kind of ghoulish for a Hasbro toy, but it looks really bad ass. There is a peg hole in the pelt so you could technically put the backpack on behind it, but it doesn’t work that well, but it makes sense that not every Snow Serpent would be toting a bazooka so if you have more than one, you can mix and match..
Finally, the Snow Serpent comes with a Cobra branded snowboard, and this is a really fun accessory. There are slots and pegs for the figure’s feet and he stays on it really well. There’s a raised Cobra emblem on the top and some digital camo and the Snow Serpent insignia on the back. Just imagine having five wolfman with sub-machine guns speed into your camp at the dead of night shouting COBRA! Holy shit!
Pretty much every Cobra army builder in Classified has been a direct hit for me, but I feel like these Snow Serpents raise the bar even a bit higher. Everything gels so perfectly to make this an incredibly fun figure. The selection of equipment is excellent, and the sheer amount of accessories certainly justifies the Deluxe price point. I picked up two of these, so I will be displaying one with the wolf pelt and one kitted out with the bazooka. I’d love to get two more, but I’m really trying to be good about not doing any more army building. With this pair and the Arctic BAT patrolling the tundra, Snow Job is going to need some reinforcements. We need a Classified Frostbite, STAT, but that probably wouldn’t happen without a HasLab Snowcat. Count me in!
FigureFan Zero 
