GI JOE Classified: Destro (Profit Director) by Hasbro

What’s this? A midweek review? Am I actually getting back on track in this undiscovered country we call 2021? Well let’s not get ahead of ourselves, but I am trying! Goddammit, I’m trying! Now, it’s no secret that I’m falling behind in all of my reviews, but I was particularly aghast to find that I last visited with the GI JOE Classified line all the way back in September of last year when I checked out Cobra Commander. Holy shit, that seems like forever ago! OK, so I won’t deny that the rough distribution of this line maybe soured me on it for a bit, but it hasn’t stopped me from grabbing up every new figure I could find. So, let’s try to make up for lost time and have a look at Destro’s second appearance in the line. It’s Profit Director Destro!

Normally I’d be crying foul at a repaint this soon, but it’s hard to get worked up when we’re talking about a direct homage to Hasbro’s rare and infamous Pimp Daddy Destro from the late 90’s. From my understanding, there were only a limited number of the original figure made, and even fewer actually got into packages. And speaking of which… just look at that new packaging! We get all new highly stylized character art, a crazy color scheme, and some gorgeous gold foil lettering for what is the fifteenth numbered figure in the series! Most of you probably know that I don’t keep the packaging for most of my figures, but I do believe I’ll make an exception with this one. It just looks great! So let’s carefully open this up and check out the goods!

Basically this is a repaint of the regular Destro we got, with some extras to sweeten the deal. And what a repaint it is! His classic black suit has been replaced with a maroon one, with leopard patches around the waist, on the upper legs. and lining that high collar. He’s got some gray in the belt and knee pads, and his boots are now fitted with golden toes! His arm bracers are now bright red, as is his holster and thigh rig, and the rockets on his right bracer are pure gold! As if his repainted suit wasn’t audacious enough, Destro now comes with a bright red cape partially covered in a leopard skin, complete with the paws resting on his shoulders and a gold chain holding it across his chest. This is definitely not Covert Ops Destro! Hell, I’d like to imagine that he bagged that leopard himself and drove it home strapped to the canopy of a HISS tank. I also have to say that I love the way the cape snaps under the high collar. It fits very well!

If you’re going to dress like a pimp and you happen to wear a metal mask, why not complete the look by going gold, right? Well, that’s exactly what Destro did and the result is quite stunning. Part of me wishes they had gone all in and vac-metaled the shit out that helmet, but what we got still looks great, and it’ll likely last a lot longer. Indeed, the gold paint has a nice sheen to it and it brings out all the details in the facial sculpt quite nicely. All he’s missing is a wide-brimmed hat and some shades!

Well, there’s no hat, but he does come with a pair of sunglasses! Are the shades a bit too much? I think they are. They kinda cross the line. The outfit mingles with parody, but I think the glasses embrace it. I don’t know that I’m going to use them much.

I’ve already covered the articulation the when I looked at the original Destro release, so I won’t run through it again here. Suffice it to say, Destro’s got all the points we come to expect from Hasbro’s 6-inch lines, plus a few extra surprises. The shoulders on that cape do inhibit his range of motion in the upper arms a bit, but if you want him to get down and dirty and be more agile in a fight, he can always cast off the cape.

Moving on to accessories, This Destro exchanges the larger gun that came with the first release for a flaming handful of cash. I’m not sure what profit there is in burning money, but it definitely makes for a strong statement. Sure, the flame effect is rubbish and they really should have gone with some translucent orange plastic instead of paint, but it’s still a fun extra to pose him with. What’s the point of it? He’s got so much money, he can afford to burn it, I guess? Or maybe it’s just a gangsta thing the kids are doing these days.

So yeah, Pimp Destro is down to one weapon and that’s the small pistol. It’s the same sculpt as last time, and since it was already blinged out in gold, Hasbro didn’t have to repaint it to match the new outfit. He has a trigger finger on both hands, so he can brandish this pistol left or right, and it also fits nicely into his holster.

The final accessory is the same briefcase we saw last time, but it too has been hit by the Midas touch and repainted in gold. It’s got some Cobra emblems sculpted into the sides, and it opens to reveal a sculpted computer on one side and some very unconvincing cash on the other.

If memory serves, this Destro was an Amazon exclusive and either way it’s still available on the site for $25. No, this is figure is not everyone’s cup of tea. And people who are new to GI JOE or casual collectors may be bewildered by the sight of it. But it does represent a cool and unusual variant in the line’s history. I’ll admit that I mostly bought it as a curiosity, but I do find the repaint to be pretty compelling. I think the only thing that detracts from it is the bright red plastic used for the holster. I don’t mind it on the arm bracers, but the holster and thigh rig do look a little cheap in this color. Granted, I do not plan on this figure representing Destro on my shelf, but I do think it’s fun and I’m happy to own it. All the more reason to keep that box, as I’ll likely wind up displaying him in it. And… yeah, since I used a picture of Baroness in this review, I guess I should finally get around to reviewing her next week.

GI JOE Pursuit of Cobra: Arctic Destro by Hasbro

[Howdy, Figure Fans, I’m tossing in a quickie for today’s update. It’s a departure from what I had planned, but I managed to really mess up my back this weekend and sitting at my computer desk for any length of time is absolute torture. Considering I wrote a fair portion of today’s feature in agony, I may have been a little bit hard on poor Destro here. Nonetheless, I’m hoping it’ll either start mending or I can get my hands on some decent painkillers before I’m back in the saddle tomorrow. -FF]

I’ve featured some of the Pursuit of Cobra vehicles on FigureFan in the past, but no doubt some people are wondering why I haven’t been looking at any of the carded figures. Well, I’ll grant you they look like amazing figures, but as far as I’m concerned the 25th Anni. Collection are the definitive versions of these characters and I decided that I was not going to collect a whole new line of the same guys and gals. I have to draw the line somewhere. Nonetheless, I’ve been meaning to pick up Destro here for a little while, mainly just to put him in my Arctic HISS. So, last week, I was ordering some figures from Amazon and I came in just a couple of bucks under the minimum for free shipping, so I threw Destro on to tilt the scale in my favor. I know, not exactly a ringing endorsement for why I bought him, but let’s check him out anyway…

The gorgeous retro cards for the 25th Anni. line are a hard act to follow, but Pursuit of Cobra has made a valiant effort. The cards are more dark and gritty, but they still look absolutely fantastic and display the figure beautifully. The back panel shows off an amazing photo diorama of the figures and toys in action. There’s also a filecard that you can clip and save, but it lacks the meaty content of the vintage filecards. The filecard also lists a piece of “mission specific equipment” that the figure doesn’t even come with. I usually have no qualms about tearing open my figures, but Destro here actually gave me pause. Hmm… maybe I should start collecting these just to hang them on my wall.
Opening up the bubble you see that the pack includes Destro, a figure stand, a tightly wadded up catalog-slash-poster, and a shitload of accessories. I’m going to break convention and start with the accessories, because there’s a lot of them and I don’t know what half of them really are. You get a pair of what looks like ice climbing spikes; You get a freeze gun with a hose and backpack; A couple of pieces of ice, which I assume are to attach to the figure Destro is shooting with the ice gun; A pair of goggles; An ice drill; Something that looks like a Star Wars Scout Trooper gun; And a standard Cobra figure stand with “Destro” printed on it. I don’t have a lot to say about a lot of this stuff, except the backpack for the ice gun doesn’t peg into his back very well, and I don’t like the way the hose comes out of the top. I don’t usually complain about accessories, but I just feel like Hasbro went for quantity over quality here.
Destro himself is wearing arctic gear with a soft plastic jacket and hood. The body looks nice and the snowy wash looks really good for a figure in this scale and price range. I’m not all that crazy about the head and I can’t really put my finger on what it is that turns me off. The eyes might be too big. It does have a pretty cool snowy finish on the top half as if his mask is freezing over. The goggles fit really well either up on his forehead or down over his eyes. I don’t have a lot else to say about this guy. The realism of the sculpt is very good, but there’s just nothing about him that stands out.
Articulation is what we’ve come to expect from the modern 3 3/4″ Hasbro figures. You get universal movement in the shoulders and hips; A ball jointed neck; Hinges in the elbows and double hinges in the knees; swivel cuts in the wrists; Swivels and hinges in the ankles; and the universal joint in the torso.
I got Destro for my Arctic HISS, and he’ll be fine for that, but I’m actually surprised at how little this figure impresses me. There’s nothing specific that I can really beef about, but he’s just a bland figure with an overkill of underwhelming accessories. I still think he looks incredible on the card and I wouldn’t be opposed to picking up more of these figures to keep carded, but only if I got them on the cheap. I’m sure Destro isn’t the best of this line, but he certainly doesn’t make me want to run out and buy more. Maybe I’ll start jumping back on board with the 30th Anniversary stuff.