Tag Archives: hasbro

Jan 8 2024

Marvel Legends (No Way Home Wave): Spider-Man, Spider-Man, and Sandman by Hasbro

What’s this? Marvel on a Monday? A sort of… Marvel Monday? Yeah, well don’t get used to it. I do have more Marvel Legends reviews planned for the first half of 2024, but I’m not ready to bring back Marvel Mondays. I am, however, ready to dig into the second half of this No Way Home themed wave of Marvel Legends! On Friday I checked out the Tom Holland Spider-Man along with MJ and Matt Murdock and today we’re checking out Tobey Maquire Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield Spider-Man, and Flint Marko, aka Sandman!

As with last time, this assortment comes carded rather than boxed, but the standout oddity here is having Garfield Spider-Man appear on his own movie card, Amazing Spider-Man 2, as opposed to following the No Way Home theme like the rest. I’m sure this had to do with some kind of Fox-Disney rights issues, but it’s still odd to see. If you think multiverses are confusing to navigate, try corporate copyright law! And yes, the No Way Home cards are still inaccurate as they feature the wrong suit for the Holland Spider-Man. There are no BAF parts in this wave, as both the heavy hitters, Doc Ock and Green Goblin, were released as higher priced boxed Deluxes, and I’ll be getting around to them soon! Let’s start with Maquire Spidey…

I still adore the Raimi Spider-Man movies and can even find something to love in the mostly awful third outing, so it’s really cool to get this suit as a modern Legends figure. While the other two suits in this wave could very well stand in as a modern comic look for me, this one will always be totally unique to these movies and so I love the design as it’s own thing. The basic suit colors are very traditional with the bright red and dark blue looking as classic as ever, but it’s the addition of the silver webbing pattern that makes it so distinctive. Sure, thanks to the PlayStation games, Spidey has almost as many suit variants as Iron Man, and I’m not a big fan of that concept, but back in the early 2K’s this variant was a big deal to me and I thought it was totally bad ass. The execution is great, with the webbing and emblems all part of the sculpt and in this case the blue parts of the suit are textured as well as the red.

The head sculpt looks wonderful and the paint on this one fared better than what I got on my Holland figure. The silver on the lenses isn’t quite perfect, but there’s nothing here that is easily noticeable with the naked eye. Also, I really love the way that chest emblem is layered on top of the raised web pattern.

Of course, you get the unmasked head as well, and this one is not the slam dunk we got for the Holland likeness. I can definitely see a bit of Toby in there, but that’s with a bit of squinting and a lot of imagination. Less nose and more cleft chin would have been the way to go. Granted, I was a little shocked when I saw how much Toby aged in No Way Home before I reminded myself that at 51 I’m practically an old man and I’m not one to talk.

There are no surprises in the articulation, other than having to heat up the figure to get the ball joint in the chest to loosen up. The poseability is identical to the Holland figure, and the pinless joints are always welcome in my Spider-Mans as unpainted pins were often an eye sore on these figures. This guy is just tons of fun to pose and play with.

Toby Spidey comes with the same two hands as when he was first issued in that three-pack, so you get one pair of thwippy hands, a right fist, and a left graspy hand. And here’s the biggest disappointment, as it sucks that Hasbro couldn’t pony up for the same three sets that came with the Holland figure. That’s especially true when you consider this is the second time they are selling this figure, albeit with the addition of the unmasked head. Regardless, it’s a great figure and a much needed replacement to my horribly dated 2003 magnet-hands Toy Biz figure. In truth, I’ve been waiting for a figure like this for a long time, and I am thrilled to have it! Let’s move on to the Garfield Spider-Man…

It’s no secret that I hated the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Someone actually gifted me the Blu-Ray as a misguided, but well intentioned, Christmas gift, and that’s the only reason I ever watched it. I only begrudgingly made it through the first one with a scowl on my face and the trailers made me not even want to try to watch the second. I’ll concede that the problem was more the writing and bad creative decisions than it was Andrew Garfield, but he still got his share of the blame from me. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him show up in No Way Home, but I have to admit, he was great in it, and he really sold me on how likeable he could be given the right framework to hang his performance on. The suit design was one of the only things I liked about those movies, but I kind of feel this figure misses the mark. The sculpt is fine, but the colors are so dark. I shot this figure with the exact same lighting as the other two Spider-Mans and it just managed to absorb it and still come out way too dark. Also, I got more of an electric blue vibe off the screen used suit which just isn’t conveyed here at all. At least the texturing looks really good.

The head sculpt is fine. I like the pearlescent paint used for the lenses, but they didn’t convey the compound-eye style of the lenses. Maybe that’s asking a bit much for this scale.

The unmasked head doesn’t reach the heights of the Holland likeness, but I think it’s more on point than the Tobey likeness. The hair sculpt is a little chunky, but they got his outrageously tall pouf down pretty well. All in all, I’m pretty happy with the way this sculpt came out and the printing on the facial features is pretty solid too.

As for articulation and extras, I’ve got the same praise and nitpicks as I did with the Tobey figure. The poseability is excellent, once I gave him a bath in hot water to loosen up that ball joint in the waist, however, it actually tightened up again the next day and manipulating it makes me feel like I’m going to twist it off. And, like Tobey, he comes with the same two sets of hands that were included when he was first released in the three-pack. This isn’t a bad figure at all, but it’s by far my least favorite of the three web-heads. But to be fair, some of that has to do with the suit being my least favorite as well.

Our final stop for this assortment is Flint Marko as Sandman. I wasn’t all that excited about this figure based on the solicitation shots, but in hand he’s actually surprised me quite a bit. The sand texture that covers the figure is extremely well done and it’s bolstered even more by some excellent paint work. This would have been an easy figure for Hasbro to cheap out on, but the the final product feels like they actually put some work into it, especially for what is likely to be a one-off body. The pinless body features some solid articulation, but it does lack the shoulder crunches and ab-crunch hinge that we got on the Spider-Mans. Still, the lone ball joint under the chest is perfectly serviceable.

The portrait manages to convey the character likeness while still being just a sandy facsimile. It actually does a remarkable job of recreating what the CG looked like in the film and that’s pretty cool.

While Toby and Garfield were hands poor, Marko makes out big time with two regular pairs and a pair of enlarged hands with adapter pieces for the forearms. So, you wind up with normal sized graspy hands and fists, and the bigger graspy hands too. I actually would have preferred one large graspy hand and one large fist, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers. I don’t really have much else to say about this figure other than this Sandman came out really good. I was initially surprised they didn’t make him a BAF release for this wave, but in the end it worked out just fine.

And that’s the Marvel Legends No Way Home wave! All around, this was a solid wave, and really the only figure I had a lot of gripes with is Garfield Spidey, and that’s probably mostly due to personal taste. Sure, I would have liked to get an extra set of hands with the Sony Spider-Mans, but it was nice to see the extra big hands with Sandman. Also, I sure am glad I didn’t pony up for the No Way Home three-pack, but it’s not going to stop me from chastising Hasbro for re-releasing three figures so soon with bonus heads. That’s a really shit move and it just punishes collectors for running out and buying your figures. Probably not something you want to do, when a lot of people are already inclined to wait for clearance when so much Hasbro product is hitting discount stores. I have both the Deluxe Green Goblin and Doc Ock on deck for the near future, but I don’t know when I’ll get around to doing another complete wave of Legends. I did buy a bunch on deep discount late last year to complete some BAFs, so maybe I’ll run some speed reviews of those in the coming months.

Jan 5 2024

Marvel Legends (No Way Home Wave): Spider-Man, MJ, and Matt Murdock by Hasbro

I only looked at two complete waves of Marvel Legends here on FFZ last year, so let’s check one out in this first week of the New Year! Hasbro rolled out this No Way Home wave during one of their Fan Channel steams, which kind of worked like a Hail Mary Wave, because it actually got me excited to buy some Marvel Legends figures again, rather than just bottom feeding when they hit the clearance bins. It was a smart move to go back and revisit this film, because besides Guardians Vol 3, it was one of the few MCU films in the last few years that didn’t fall flat and had the appeal to sell merch. I think there are a lot of factors that go into Hasbro’s current financial woes, but you won’t convince me that Disney’s mismanagement of Star Wars and Marvel aren’t a huge part of it. Neither one has the gravitas they did when Hasbro signed the licensing agreements.

Anyway… This wave was released on cards rather than in boxes and there is no Build-A-Figure, so what you see is what you get. The assortment consists of six figures: All three Spider-Mans, MJ, Matt Murdock, and Sandman. The cards are heavy stock, which should please mint-on-card collectors, and the art is pretty enough, but there’s no retro charm here that makes me sad to tear into them. Also, it’s kind of odd that the art they chose for Tom Holland Spider-Man isn’t wearing the same suit as the figure we got, but I’m cool with that because the figure features my favorite suit from the films. Let’s start with Spider-Man!

Oh yeah, this is peak MCU Spidey for me right here. The classic blue and red deco looks so gorgeous! You get a fully sculpted web pattern on the red bits, a raised spider emblem on his chest and back, and some nice texturing on the red, while the blue is left smooth. The spider emblems are sculpted on, although it’s weird how the one on his back is so much more prominent than the one on his chest. Still, with all the gimmicky suits that have been showcased over the years, between the movies and the games, this is quite possibly my favorite and it’s great to see it released on the updated body.

You get two heads, one masked and one unmasked. The masked head is standard stuff in terms of sculpt, but has some issues that I didn’t notice until I punched in close with the camera. The white on the right eye bleeds into the top edge of the lens, while the center of the web pattern is offset toward the right eye. The first issue doesn’t bother me, as it’s not that noticeable with the figure in hand, but the second issue is pretty annoying, but it’s not going to ruin the figure for me.

The unmasked head is quite spectacular and it really shows how good these likenesses can be when Hasbro is on their game. Everything about this noggin is just wonderful from the sculpt to the printing and even the color in his cheeks. I even love the disappointed dachshund look he’s got going on, which is pretty faithful to some of Holland’s emotes on screen. The hair is a separate sculpt, which creates a clean hairline and looks fantastic. This is quite simply one of Hasbro’s best likenesses at this scale.

The body is built with the new pinless engineering, which is a huge win for a Spider-Man figure as unpainted pins are often an eye sore on these the Spideys. You do get a little of that still evident in the armpits, but it’s still a big improvement. Otherwise articulation in the arms and legs is standard stuff, and you do get the standard Spidey shoulder crunches. The combination of a hinge down in the waist and the ball joint in the chest is pretty cool. It’s definitely a fun figure to play with. Sure, the pattern of the suit breaks up when you work the ball joint in the chest, but it’s kind of unavoidable.

Spidey comes with three sets of hands, and you probably can guess what they are: You get a pair of fists, splayed wall-crawler hands, and thwippy hands. About the only thing missing here are any web effects. Hasbro experimented with these a bit in the past, but it sure would be nice to get a couple thrown in now and again. I didn’t buy the No Way Home three-pack Hasbro put out a short while ago, but as I understand it this is the same figure but with the new unmasked head included. Needless to say I’m glad I waited. This turned out to be a great figure and definitely my favorite version of Holland Spider-Man to be released so far. Moving on to MJ…

I believe this is the second version of MCU MJ in Legends, with the first being released in a Homecoming two-pack. I certainly don’t remember getting one from Far From Home. Either way, we get a bit of recycled parts here from that Homecoming release, mostly from the waist down with repainted pants and repainted socks. Instead of wearing a jacket, this time she’s got on a striped sweater, which is layered onto the figure, giving it some nice depth, and having the sleeves sculpted onto the arms. Because the legs are reused they have pins in the knees, while the newly sculpted arms are pinless. Unfortunately, the arms go with rotating hinges in the elbows, rather than the double-hinge elbow and bicep swivel, which I prefer.

You get one head sculpt, which appears to be entirely new. It’s not quite the total slam-dunk that we got with Peter, but I think the likeness is still pretty damn great. Once again the printed features are very much on point and I like the way they sculpted some strands of hair dangling on each side of her face. While I still quite like the heads included with the Homecoming version, I think this one is technically better in just about every way.

Michelle comes with two sets of hands, fists and open, which I assumed were going to be reused from the previous MJ figure, but the open hands are actually different and much more natural looking. She also comes with The Machina de Kadavus, the cube that Dr. Strange used to contain his wonky spell. It’s a pretty complex accessory and definitely a welcome addition to the figure. On to our last stop… Matt Murdock!

Murdock’s cameo in the film was a total surprise to me and I really got a kick out of it, and it’s pretty cool to have a figure of Netflix Daredevil in full-on lawyer mode. Yeah, it’s just a suited body but I was surprised to find that it was pinless, as I wasn’t aware that Hasbro had invested in a pinless suit body yet. Or is this the first? Sorry, but I just haven’t been paying very close attention to Legends this past year. The suited body looks great, but I don’t have a whole lot to say about it. I like that the tie is sculpted separately to hang down and the sculpted arm sleeves do a passable job lining up with the jacket.

The head sculpt is definitely the weakest likeness of these three figures, but I don’t think it’s a total miss. I’m not sure I could recognize Cox in there if you just handed me the head, but knowing who it’s supposed to be I can definitely see it. The glasses are pretty well done for this scale and the tinting looks pretty good.

Murdock comes with two accessories: His mobility cane and the brick that was thrown through Parker’s window. I like the idea of having him do all sorts of crazy Daredevil combat with the cane. The brick is pretty well done for what it is and is almost certainly my first vandal brick accessory, so I can cross that off my bucket list.

So far, I’m enjoying this wave quite a bit. As much shit as I give Marvel Legends these days, it feels great to get some figures that I’m interested in again. The Holland Spider-Man is definitely my favorite of the trio, being the best representation of the character in my Legends display. MJ is a nice upgrade from what was already a pretty solid figure. Murdock is fun. I probably could have gambled on him turning up on clearance, but it was just easier to pre-order the whole wave. When I come back on Monday, we’ll check out the second half of the wave with the other two Spider-Mans and Sandman!

Dec 29 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Snow Serpent by Hasbro

It’s the last review of the year and final installment of my little Snow Joe Trilogy! I had originally hoped to get all these in before Christmas, but that clearly didn’t happen. But it’s still December and the wintery theme is still appropriate, so let’s do this! So far, I’ve checked out Snow Job and the Arctic BAT, and today we’re headed back into the icy tundra and having a look at Cobra’s predators of the winter wonderland: The Snow Serpent!

Like Snow Job, this guy is a Deluxe, which means he comes in a bigger box, costs more, and has a beefier inventory of accessories. The original Snow Serpents were released somewhere around 1985/86 and I was lucky enough to have one of these fellas to fight Snow Job. But he really just snuck in at the point where I stopped playing with toys a lo and very well may have been among the last GI JOE figures I got as a kid. I remember being really confused at how the filecard lumped these Serpents in with the Cobra Eels. I get that they’re both specialists, but it basically stated that Snow Serpents were just Eels with additional cold weather training. I quickly tossed out that idea. But I did like the fact that these guys were considered some of Cobra’s absolute elite troopers.

And here he is kitted out with most of his gear. Hasbro really played it close to the original figure on this one, and I’m loving it! The white fatigues are reinforced with sculpted fur around the neck, shoulders, and forearms with just a little yellow added to these to give the fur some natural color. The blue torso rig is blue with a T-7A style parachute pack across his front, and he has matching blue thigh rigs with holsters for his sidearms. There are insignia markings on both biceps and he has a pair of white removable snow shoes, which much to my surprise are different than the ones that came with Snow Job. This is a great looking figure and I expect the Real American Hero purists are going to love it! Or maybe they won’t. They can be a fickle lot.

The head sculpt also follows the original figure’s design beat for beat, but with a lot more detail. The helmet is white with silver caps over the ears. The black face mask has sculpted breather vents, and the goggles have a very vintage, almost WWII look about them, right down to the lovely orange rust spray around them. He also has a pair of blue tinted goggles, which can be worn up on top of the helmet, or pulled down over the goggles in the mask.

The Snow Serpent’s backpack may look familiar, and that’s because it’s a straight repaint of the one that came with Bazooka. This time it’s black frame with an off-white pouch. It has four slots to clip in the included bazooka rounds and there’s are two hooks on the bottom so he can store the bazooka across his butt. The bazooka is also the same one that came with David K. with some gray paint added to this mostly black tube of terror. The back piece can swivel open and you can load in the rounds. The bazooka is a stand in for the EK99 Anti-Tank missile that came with the original figure, which might irk some vintage fans, but I think it’s a great substitute and it even gives the Snow Serpent three more shots.

As for the rest of his ordinance, the Snow Serpent comes with a matched set of automatic pistols and a small combat knife. The pistols are nicely detailed, cast in all black, and have holes in the barrels for effect parts (not included). The knife is nothing special, and in what might be a Classified first, there is nowhere specific to store the knife on his person, unless you just want to tuck it into some of those thigh straps.

For something better than pistols and not as overstated as a bazooka round, the Snow Serpent has a fairly traditional looking AR-style rifle with a carry bar and a removable magazine. It’s a departure from the AK-style weapon of the original figure, but it’s a great sculpt and realistic looking, so I’m cool with that.

And we’re not done yet, because he also comes with this smaller grease gun-style sub-machine gun. It has a scope and a removable magazine and it reminds me of the weapons the Cobra troops often carried in the Sunbow cartoon, so naturally I love this one too! Like the pistols, both of these weapons have holes in the barrels to accommodate whatever effect parts you might have lying around.

If you want to give your Snow Serpents an upgraded look, Hasbro included a sculpted gray wolf pelt for some extra warmth and added intimidation factor. I can’t say I prefer this look, but it is a really nice option. The whole wolfy ensemble is made up of a head piece and a cape that pegs into the back and has the two front paws hanging over the shoulders. It’s kind of ghoulish for a Hasbro toy, but it looks really bad ass. There is a peg hole in the pelt so you could technically put the backpack on behind it, but it doesn’t work that well, but it makes sense that not every Snow Serpent would be toting a bazooka so if you have more than one, you can mix and match..

Finally, the Snow Serpent comes with a Cobra branded snowboard, and this is a really fun accessory. There are slots and pegs for the figure’s feet and he stays on it really well. There’s a raised Cobra emblem on the top and some digital camo and the Snow Serpent insignia on the back. Just imagine having five wolfman with sub-machine guns speed into your camp at the dead of night shouting COBRA! Holy shit!

Pretty much every Cobra army builder in Classified has been a direct hit for me, but I feel like these Snow Serpents raise the bar even a bit higher. Everything gels so perfectly to make this an incredibly fun figure. The selection of equipment is excellent, and the sheer amount of accessories certainly justifies the Deluxe price point. I picked up two of these, so I will be displaying one with the wolf pelt and one kitted out with the bazooka. I’d love to get two more, but I’m really trying to be good about not doing any more army building. With this pair and the Arctic BAT patrolling the tundra, Snow Job is going to need some reinforcements. We need a Classified Frostbite, STAT, but that probably wouldn’t happen without a HasLab Snowcat. Count me in!

Dec 27 2023

Transformers (Studio Series 86) Dinobot Snarl by Hasbro

I had a few Transformers reviews I was hoping to sneak in before the end of the year, but looks like I’ll only have time for one. The current stuff Hasbro has been doing with the franchise doesn’t interest me much, but I have so many of these convertorobots that I have yet to spotlight here, so I can keep this love train rolling. Today’s changerbot brings us one step closer to finally completing the mighty Dinobots, with the release of Snarl! And if you need to get caught up, I’ve already checked out the Studio Series versions of Grimlock, Slag (YES, SLAG, I SAYS!), and Sludge.

Snarl comes in the same style of fully enclosed boxes as the last release, while the first two came in window boxes. There’s some great character art on the front, but the rest of the box deco is pretty bland. You do get an illustrated cardboard backdrop inside, but I pitched it all a while back as they don’t do a lot for me. Yes, Snarl has been on my shelf for a while now. But even still, it’s crazy to think that it’s been over two years since Hasbro started us on this journey with the release of Grimlock. Launching an apology tour to make up for those tiny Dinobots from Power of the Primes. Of course, Snarl was one of the two additional Dinobots added to the team by Wheeljack because the first ones worked out so incredibly well, and by that I mean not at all. Project Dinobot was such a clusterf’ck the Autobots had to deactivate them and seal them up in a cave, and I’m pretty sure Wheeljack had to wash Prime’s trailer for a whole year to show how sorry he was. I never owned Snarl as a kid, so this I was pretty excited to check out this one. Let’s start with the Dino mode!

Snarl is what we used to call a Stegosaurus, but since the scientists have been retconning all the dinosaurs I learned about as a kid, I don’t know what the damned dinosaurologists call him these days. Everything from my childhood has been a lie. Anyway, this is a pretty nice update to the original vintage toy with the same running stylistic changes we’ve seen in the past Studio Series Dinos. The orignal toy’s transparent head is now a sort of yellow gold, as is the front legs and lower back legs, which were a combination of clear plastic and vac-metal gold on the original figure. The rest of the original vac-metal parts, namely the back spikes and tail, have been recreated here with a really nice satin-finish gold. I do wish this gold was used for the head and legs too, but I still dig what we got well enough. The rest of the body is split between gray and red plastic, with some black and blue bits showing through. There are some panel lines and other details on Snarl’s skin, which again recreates the detailing on the original toy quite nicely.

I’m not crazy about Snarl’s butt. It looks like it ends too abruptly and the tail should stick out more rather than just hang down. But, to be fair, it’s more or less what we got on the vintage toy as well, so I will begrudgingly accept it. Snarl holds together pretty well for a robotic dino-potato, and he has two joints in each leg and his little trap door of a mouth can hinge down to show his displeasure with the world. I love him!

Even without the satin gold paint on Snarl’s head, I think Hasbro has done a pretty nice job keeping this looking like a cohesive team in their dino modes, especially considering the amount of time between each of these releases. Part of me was worried that we’d get a repeat of the Legends Class Insecticons. There was so much time between those releases, they barely matched by the time they were all released. But, Snarl fits right in and these guys all display great together. So, how about the robot mode?

Well, I feel as if Hasbro has been focusing on the robot modes for this run of Dinobots and Snarl certainly keeps that trend rolling along, because his robot mode is absolutely gorgeous! Like his brothers, Snarl is a big hulking beast of a bot, having a powerful looking upper body, but still maintaining some overall excellent proportions. And interestingly enough, while vintage Snarl had my least favorite bot mode among the original Dinobots, this one may very well be my favorite of the Studio Series Dinos, thanks to the beautiful way they streamlined the way his tail splits behind his shoulders. Between that and the way his spikes land on his back and the fronts of his legs, he just looks amazing!

The head sculpt is also pretty fabulous. Snarl’s portrait shares the most in common with his brother Sludge, as they both have silver painted faces with black “helmets.” Snarl’s angled horns give his head’s silhouette a bit more of an aggressive look to it. I also dig his pouty lip, which really plays to his grumpy demeanor. The silver face paint is gorgeous, as is the blue they used for his eyes. I also got to say, I’ve always been weirdly fascinated with the crosshairs he has on his lower chest. That was a sticker on the original toy, but here it is prominently sculpted in. It always felt to me like it was supposed to serve some kind of intended function.

The articulation here is right in line with the previous releases, making Snarl a big boy that’s also loads of fun to play with, unless we’re talking about the actual transformation, which can be a bit of a chore. I’ve said in the previous Dinobot reviews, that I felt as if Hasbro overcomplicated the engineering on these toys a bit. Considering that the original toys looked pretty good in both alt and robot modes, I’m not sure that much re-engineering was necessary. In Snarl’s case, however, I’ll allow it, because they really did some wonderful tweaks to make the bot mode look so much better than the original toy. I had to transform all four back and forth for this review so I was able to really compare the process for each and, oddly enough, I feel like Snarl here is still one of the easiest of the four to transform.

One of the running gripes with the Studio Series Dinobots has been Hasbro’s stinginess in handing out swords. All three of the previous releases came with guns but no swords. Well, with Snarl we finally get a sword… and no gun. Goddammit, Hasbro! Well, at least it’s a really nice sword! The design is pretty sexy and it has a lovely painted silver satin finish.

And there’s also a peg on the side of the sword, so Snarl can store it on his back. It’s nice that he can hide it back there so as not to make the other Dinobots jealous that he got one and they didn’t, otherwise they might shoot him with their guns. And while we’re back here can we just take a moment to marvel at how cool the sculpting on the backs of Snarl’s split tail looks. Usually robot backs are just get hollow sadness and exposed screws, but the intricate patterns here are just gorgeous!

I absolutely love this figure, and he may actually be my favorite of the Studio Series Dinobots. Considering how amazed I still am that we didn’t get a full set of Masterpiece Dinobots, these Studio Series releases have been carrying that weight and doing a pretty decent job of it, especially considering they are regular retail releases. They all look great together in either modes, and now we just have to wait and see if we’re going to get Swoop to round out the team. It seems like maybe we should have seen something teased by now, but I’d like to think that even with all of Hasbro’s current woes, they will be able to deliver him eventually.

Dec 25 2023

G. I. JOE Classified (HasLab) Cobra HISS Tank by Hasbro, Part II

Merry Christmas everyone! If you didn’t check in yesterday, I kicked off a two-part look at the HasLab HISS on Christmas Eve. I like to try to celebrate Christmas by featuring a big toy or playset most years. You know, the kind that we would only have a chance of getting on that biggest of toy gifting days! I had a few contenders this year, but wound up pushing the HasLab HISS to the front of the line, because oh boy, I would have lost my little mind if I found something like this under the tree! In Part I, I covered the four included figures and today we’re going to tackle the HISS Tank itself. This big boi was a challenge to shoot, as I’m still working out the kinks on a bigger staging area, so apologies if the photos look rough. I’m going to start with some generalizations with the toy more or less straight out of the box, and then we’ll kit it out and take a tour around it!

First off, the HISS is suitably big without being obnoxiously huge, and the build quality is fantastic with only the act of attaching the canopy making me a little nervous. Just about everything about this toy and its features reflects careful thought and design. I’m also happy to report that the profile and general look of Cobra’s new Classified High Speed Sentry is as iconic as ever! There are few display options for the HISS, thanks to some of the mix-and-match parts, but when you take it out of the box and attach the guns and canopy, it’s extremely true to the original toy design, if that’s the look you’re going for. You get two options for the canopy: A simple clear one for that vintage look, and a modern one with red trim and opening gull-wing side hatches. These attach similarly to the way the vintage one did, by squeezing two nubs into the holes so pressure holds it in place and creates a hinge. There is no way I feel comfortable doing this more than once, so I decided to pick a canopy and stick with it, and I went with the modern one because I just think it looked cooler and more premium. It also makes it more convenient for the Driver to pay tolls and go pick up fast food at Drive-Thru windows. I’m not saying that you can’t safely swap these out without stressing or breaking the plastic, but I’m just not willing to try it.

The bulk of the toy is cast in black plastic with not a lot of paint on the main body, apart from some subtle black and gray striping. The bare plastic looks good, but it does tend to show finger prints here and there. You do get some dry brush weathering on the cannon, which looks like they have seen a lot of use. There is a sticker sheet included to customize the tank, but it also has all the markings it needs printed on it, so I won’t be messing with the stickers at all. The sculpted detail feels about right in line with the vintage toy with just a little more added for the bigger scale. These include panel lines, rivets, hatches, and the like. The front headlights and rear tail lights feature electronics, and I’ll take a look at those in a bit. The cannon turret rotates 360-degrees and uses the same tab-key system as the original toy, keeping it locked in until the tab lines up with the slot and then it will come out. One of my only nitpicks on this whole toy is that the turret doesn’t rotate as smoothly as I would have liked. The treads are rubber and do actually work, allowing for a pretty smooth roll. There is a folding tail hitch on the back, which will hopefully be used by a future SMS release, and oh boy is that going to look awesome!

And here’s a quick size comparison with one of the recent re-issued 3 3/4-inch scale HISS toys… Now, let’s start getting this thing ready for battle!

First off, you get two options for armor plating on the wheel assemblies. These plates peg in very easily and help to keep the damned JOEs from blowing holes in your wheels. The first gives you something closes to the original toy, but I’ll stick with the second more detailed one, as I’m going for the most modern look I can get. There’s some nice red paint on the vertical slats and some gray and light gray striping, as well as some more markings printed in blue and white. These look awesome!

You can also attach an extra armor plate on the turret between the cannon barrels, and this is another addition that I really love. I can’t imagine anyone enjoys sitting up there and getting shot at, so at least this shield adds some forward protection. It has some sculpted bolts and a raised cobra emblem, which looks great. It also helps that the Gunner is the smallest of the figures, so at least she presents the smallest target and can more easily hunker down behind that armor shield.

Hasbro has also included a pair of articulated miniguns to the sides of the gunning station. There are also optional ammo canisters for these, but I’m not crazy about the way they look and they make it even more busy in that turret, so I will leave them off. The miniguns can rotate as well as hinge up and down. It’s a lot of firepower for one person, so I’d like to think that the miniguns have some kind of autonomous motion tracking option, with the gunner taking control of them only when targets of opportunity get too close for the main cannon. Either way, giving the HISS some broadside and rear attacking capabilities is a wonderful upgrade! Just don’t shoot them behind you if you’ve got troops riding on the tailgate!

Another added bit of firepower is the chin gun. This whole assembly is beautifully detailed and plugs right into the socket under the nose of the tank. It’s a strong connection, but it is designed to be removed if you want to change things up. It has full rotation and can hinge up and down. There are some lovely paint details on this, including some red and silver accents and some metallic purple on the barrels to show a little stress from firing. You also get some crisp Cobra emblems printed on the sides. It’s another modern touch to the HISS that I will be keeping on all the time!

As I mentioned earlier, the modern cockpit has gullwing hatches that open on either side. It would be a tight fit to extract the figure through these, but in reality, I’m sure the Driver could scramble through them if the canopy malfunctioned and the Tank was about to blow.

The interior of the cockpit is phenomenal with a five-point harness that fastens with a peg behind the Cobra buckle. The seat cushions are textured, and there’s a control yoke on the right arm rest and a throttle on the left. The Driver fits in perfectly and the straps to the harness can pull out and feed back into the slots to help make it snug after he’s seated.

The detailed dashboard has light up screens, as well as a translucent Heads Up Display. You also get a cool light that floods the cabin in an eerie red glow. This is without a doubt one of the coolest cockpits for any vehicle that i own.

There’s a removable engine access cover just behind the cockpit so you can give the HISS a tune up between missions.

There are two access ladders that fold down from the sides to help the Gunner or Driver get into position. These are cast in red plastic and I love how they close and secure into the recessed compartments. There are also grab bars located at the top to help a figure hang on.

There are no pegs on the rear deck plate, but there is a railing up top, so you can still have some troops riding on the back. They stay put pretty well when gripping the rail. Two fit comfortably, and you could even squeeze in a third in pinch. That will come in handy when the set of HISS Fire Team figures arrives. Although, I can’t deny that the regular troops look best on the back. I remember as a kid how badly I wanted an extra Cobra Trooper so I could have a couple on the back of my HISS.

The back of the HISS has a fold down ramp to open up the interior for access to The Tactician’s area. Here, there’s a Cobra-themed seat and a weapons rack on the wall across from it. When you drop the boarding ramp, it triggers a red interior light. It’s admittedly pretty cramped quarters in there, but it’s still a great addition to the HISS design. While I do like the weapons rack, I think I would have preferred to get a computer and instrument bank on that wall, or better yet have an option between the two. But, I suppose the Tactician can use his wrist device for computing firing solutions and mapping waypoints and the like, so maybe it isn’t necessary.

If you want even more firepower on your HISS, Hasbro included a pair of six-pack missile launchers and these look absolutely brutal! There are two holes with flip up hatches on the sides of the HISS that these plug into. The individual missiles are removable, the launcher assembly can angle up or down, and even extend out when they are ready to fire. I love the way these things look, but I’m thinking these should be reserved as a load out for special missions. They definitely make for a great variant if you were lucky enough to get more than one of these babies.

The external electronics include light up headlamps with an array of red lights between the top lights and a projector between the bottom lights that paints a red Cobra emblem on the ground in front of the tank. You also get red tail lights on the back. A lot of times, I can take or leave electronic features in toys, and will usually advocate for leaving them out to control costs, but I have to admit that I really do enjoy most of the lighting features on the HISS. The headlamps are nice and bright and really give the toy a premium feel, as do the red tactical lights in the rear compartment and cockpit, and the light up dashboard. I thought the Cobra projection was kind of cheesy and, while it is admittedly a really neat effect, I haven’t really changed my mind on that.

Hasbro absolutely hit it out of the park with this release! It’s not the biggest vehicle to ship this year, as it’s still dwarfed by Super7’s Thundertank or McFarlane’s Batwing, but it is as big as it needs to be and it is just packed with great options and well executed features. What’s more, the build quality is superb and the electronics really enhance the toy rather than feel like a needless extra. This feels like a rugged and proper high end toy, rather than just an expensive display piece. I have had it parked on my coffee table since I got it and I find myself constantly playing around with it as I’m watching TV or listening to podcasts and music. It really is that much fun and all I can say is that if the Dragonfly turns out half as good, I may lose my damn mind when it arrives. Of course, all of this should be the case because at $300, this toy wasn’t cheap. And in case you can’t tell from my ramblings, I consider it money well spent. Especially if you factor in the four figures that would have run about $25 a pop at retail and the Cobra Commander is going for upward of $100 himself on the aftermarket. It would be cool if Hasbro could put together a stripped down budget version of this beauty at a retail-friendly price point. but I don’t see that happening.

And all that’s left is for me to wish you all a Merry Christmas and extend my warmest thanks for stopping by and spending a little bit of your holiday with me. I’ll be back on Wednesday and Friday with the last reviews of 2023 and then we can kick off the New Year on Monday. Be safe and be well!

Dec 24 2023

G. I. JOE Classified (HasLab) Cobra HISS Tank by Hasbro, Part I

It’s Christmas Eve and it’s time for my semi-annual “If-I-Have-Time-For-It” Super-Special Christmas Review. I like to squeeze these in on the years when time allows, and check out something extra big or cool or both. Growing up, Christmas for me was all about hoping to get that one big playset or toy vehicle that I could never have hoped to get any other time of the year. Yes, there were some toy wants out there that even outclassed a mere birthday. But on Christmas? Well, anything was possible on Christmas! And coincidentally, the HasLab Classified Cobra HISS Tank arrived a short while ago, and I knew I had to put this under the proverbial tree for this year’s Christmas Review. I’m breaking this review up into two parts, so today we’ll check out the figures that were included and tomorrow we’ll have a look at the HISS Tank itself.

To the unaware, HasLab is the moniker Hasbro uses for their big crowdfunded projects. These are solicited releases that are considered too big and expensive to get retail space. They show off the toy, set a price, and let you know how many backers they need to make it a reality. So, it’s basically a pre-order, but if not enough people pre-order it, then it doesn’t get made. It’s a bit controversial, as many will tell you that the second largest toy company in the world shouldn’t have to resort to these tactics. Maybe so, and I do reckon there are some sketchy things behind it, but if I see one I like, I back it. So far I’ve backed four: The Mandalorian Razor Crest, which I have not yet reviewed here, but someday. The giant Marvel Legends Galactus figure, this HISS Tank, and the GI JOE Dragonfly Helicopter, which is currently in production. The HISS comes in a big box to hold this 6-inch scale tank with some beautiful artwork on the box, and some assembly required for the HISS and all it’s parts. You also get a separate box inside which has the four individually packaged figures that were included with the project: Cobra Commander, The HISS Driver, The HISS Gunner, and The HISS Tactician. Let’s start with the Classic Cobra Commander…

Only not really, because I’m not going to open this guy just yet. Sorry, but I’m betting we are going to get a wide release variant and so for now I’m leaving him carded. We got a Classified version of Cobra Commander a while back, and it was a pretty good figure, but Hasbro decided to offer a more classic version of him for this HasLab project. For the record, I think that was an awful idea, because you shouldn’t bundle figures this important and desirable with expensive and limited vehicles and playsets. But, since they gave him the infamous Mickey Mouse misprint on his chest emblem, I would bet that we’re going to see him as a wide release with that emblem fixed, thus allowing this one to still be an exclusive and yet still allow the figure to be had by all. I’ll just say that the figure looks great, he has some cool accessories, and the card is magnificent. Hopefully we’ll get confirmation of a retail release before my willpower gives out and I tear this one open.

The HISS crew all come in fully enclosed boxes, numbered 99-101. While the boxes are similar to the regular Classified releases, the artwork is specialized to make them stand out as unique. You get the Cobra HISS logo at the top of each peg flap and a red tint to the lettering and artwork. The Tactician even has a Ron Rudat facsimile signature on the front, which is a pretty cool way to commemorate the 100th figure in the series. Rudat, of course, being a legendary designer who logged something like three decades at Hasbro before moving on to other things. Each figure comes in a cardboard tray with an illustrated back along with a cardboard foot locker containing their accessories sealed in a branded tissue bag. Let’s start with the Driver!

This guy is based very closely on the vintage figure that was bundled with the original Real American Hero HISS Tank, and he looks damn sharp! He dons familiar red fatigues with an armored chest and shoulder piece with a blue front shield and a bold silver Cobra emblem. This rig is actually worn by the figure with soft plastic straps holding it in place under his arms and across his back. The shoulder piece is painted with a rich and glossy red that stands out against the duller matte finish of the fatigues. He has a sculpted belt with some blue accents to the buckle, a molded holster strapped to his right thigh and some serious kicks in the form of thigh high armored boots. These have a chonky angular design and a high gloss black finish. The HISS Driver is probably the most iconic Cobra vehicle operator to me and this figure offers a fantastic update to that classic design.

The helmet really hasn’t changed much at all. It features the silver visor and featureless black faceplate. There’s a mohawk-like crest ridge on the top and an stylized snake head in the center. The generic and impersonal nature of the helmet always made this guy seem extra intimidating to me. The helmet has a lovely gloss finish, but the paint on the top edge of my figure’s visor could have been a bit sharper.

A new addition to the design is this cool control device on the right arm. It has a bit of a Fallout Pipboy kind of vibe with arrays of buttons and a display screen. I imagine it can be used for everything from communicating with the HISS crew to receiving data. How about a less useful addition…

Boxing gloves? The HISS Driver comes with a pair of fists, but these are enlarged and reinforced face punchers. I honestly don’t get these at all. Is it some reference that I’m missing? I don’t know, but it’s a weird thing to give a Tank Driver. I guess if his tank gets disabled he comes out swinging? Yeah, these are going into The Dreaded Tote of Forgotten Accessories. Regardless, articulation on this fella is right in line with what we’ve been seeing in Classified up to this point, even including crunches in the shoulders. His joints feel good and he’s fun to play with.

The HISS Driver comes with a standard automatic pistol as a sidearm. This trusty weapon has some great detail in the sculpt and it’s nice and compact. The barrel has a hole if you want to use some effect parts from other Classified releases, but there weren’t any included here.

He also includes this rather unique sub-machine gun. I’m not usually a big fan of these crazy modern gun designs, but this one is kind of cool. It has a rather large detachable magazine, a very short barrel, and a fixed bayonet, which is painted silver. On the downside, the design makes it really tough to get it into his hand, making me wish for something a bit more practical. But, minor quibbles about accessories aside, I’m pleased with what Hasbro did with this design. It pays homage to the vintage figure, while giving it a little shot of modernity. Not bad for a figure that’s going to spend most of his life in a cockpit. Next up… The Tactician!

I won’t spend nearly as much time on The Tactician, because he’s just a straight repaint of the HISS Driver right down to the accessories. The Tactician’s suit is mostly black with some red paint on the shoulders and the front panels of the lower boots. The belt is red and the Cobra emblem is red. The only thing left unchanged from the Driver is the helmet. I wasn’t really excited for this figure, but now that he’s in hand, I think he looks great, and it only occurred to me that his deco is such a close match for the HISS Tank itself, being mostly black with some red trim.

The pistol and rifle each have a lick of red paint to personalize them a bit, and yes he comes with boxing gloves too.

In my mind, The Tactician is just Cobra’s name for Tank Commander, so this guy will sit inside the bowels of the HISS and relay orders and run the show. Like the Driver he’s got one of those fancy wrist computers, so I’d like to think he can use that to receive new data, and bark his orders to the Driver and Gunner. The Driver will always be the iconic face of the HISS, but I love that Hasbro created this guy. Sure, the concept isn’t original, but he may be one of my favorite additions that Classified has made to Cobra canon.

And finally, we have The Gunner, who is basically a female version of The Driver with all the same beats on the uniform design, but in a slighter female build. As a result, you can interchange her with the official Driver if you want. As we’ll see tomorrow The Gunner fits fine in the cockpit, but it would be a bit more roomy for this lady. On the other hand, she makes for less of an easy target for GI JOE sharpshooters while she’s exposed up in that turret. I think the uniform translates well to this body and all the same wonderful sculpted details are present. She also shares the same articulation in the arms, including the shoulder crunches. It’s a nice surprise to have none of that single rotating hinge elbow nonsense here! The same wrist device is present here as well, so she can communicate with her teammates or work out firing solutions.

Unlike her peers, The Gunner gets a whole new head sculpt, and I’m not just talking a smaller lady head, but it has some subtle changes, including added detail to the face mask, which is interesting. Instead of being completely smooth, you get a defined stipe down the center in line with her nose and some angled vents on each side of where her mouth is. The forehead emblem is also angular here and she has sculpted disks over her ears. I’m not sure what purposes the variations serve on the female helmet, but it’s cool to get some additional detail in the sculpt.

The Gunner shares the same weapons as her two teammates, with the pistol and rifle being painted exactly the same as The Driver’s.

And yes, she even comes with the reinforced fists, which don’t look as enlarged as the ones included with the Driver and Tactician. They actually look like normal fists with a bit of reinforcement over the knuckles.

You want more guns? How about this kick ass tactical shotgun with a removable drum magazine! Damn, this thing is really sweet. You get some sharp sculpting on the rails and the foregrip, and the shells in the drum are individually painted. Very nice!

And we’re not done yet, because she also comes with a couple of melee weapons: An entrenching tool and a pick-axe-hammer and these are a bit of a poser to me. The entrenching tool kind of makes sense, as you might need to dig under the tank to repair the tread, but the hammer-pick-axe just looks like some kind of crazy Dreadnok weapon. Also, I’m not sure why there looks like a bite has been taken out of the shovel. Weird!

And that’s the HISS Tank crew and I must say I dig them a lot. The Driver is pretty much a perfect update to the vintage figure, which was always a favorite of mine. And doing the Gunner as basically just a female version of the same figure lets me swap her out as Driver if I want to change things up. I also like that the Tactician is repainted to set him apart from his subordinates, and the fact that his uniform color coordinates with the tank is both hilarious and awesome. The boxing gloves are pretty weird, as are the melee weapons, but I don’t hate them. Also, the choice to give The Gunner, the one unique sculpted figure in this set, all the extras wouldn’t have made much sense if these were individual retail releases, but as a group I guess it doesn’t matter. And now that we have the crew together, it’s time to get to sleep and see if Santa leaves them a big tank under the tree for them to crew!

Have a happy and peaceful Christmas Eve, everyone, and I hope to see you back here in the morning!

Dec 22 2023

G. I. JOE Classified Arctic B.A.T. by Hasbro

Well, if snowy battlefields haven’t gotten you into the Christmas spirit yet, you better get festive fast, because ready or not, it’s right around the corner. So welcome to the second stop in my snowy Yuletide GI JOE trifecta. This blizzard of military Christmas spirit started on Monday with a look at Snow Job, and today I’m having a look at Cobra’s specialized Arctic Battle Android Trooper. Because… the regular BATs get too cold when they go out in the snow? OK, maybe these are equipped with more anti-freeze and wear chains on their boots. Either way, let’s bundle up and check him out!

This is not the first appearance of an Arctic BAT here on FFZ, that honor went to this guy way back in 2015 as part of Hasbro’s 50th Anniversary line, so the idea of BATs specialized for Arctic conditions is not exactly new. I do indeed love me some Cobra BATs! They were introduced into the Sunbow cartoon to give the JOEs an enemy they could shoot and “kill” without any actual bloodshed because they are just machines. I dig the Classified BAT design a lot, and boy have I amassed a fair number of them! As a result, I pre-ordered a few of these new Arctic BATs from different retailers. One arrived before the others shipped, and that was sure lucky, because after getting this guy in hand, I promptly cancelled the rest. Read on and find out why this guy left me cold. Sorry…

So, the Arctic BAT is built off the same body as the regular BAT, and that’s fine. It makes sense as this is presumably just a tweaked variant and to be fair, Hasbro did a lot to personalize this figure. In addition to the suit being painted white, the boots are now gray with some snappy silver paint and you get more of that silver paint on the arms, which were left matte gray on the regular version. There are two thigh rigs added, one of which has an integral holster, there’s a new belt piece with some pouches, and you also get two new pieces of shoulder armor strapped around his biceps. The backpack is recycled from the regular BAT but cast in gray plastic now, and as we’ll see, it really serves no purpose here.

The stock head is similar to the regular BAT, but painted white and with a cool looking polarized shield as a visor. Oddly enough, it’s even advertised with printing on the side of the helmet. This sort of protection is usually to help against eye strain, so I’m not sure why the robot needs it. I guess UV-blocking screen would be helpful if the BAT is transmitting back video or pictures in order to improve their quality. Sure why not… let’s go with that.

The alternate head is a lot cooler to me. It’s got a cyclops-like central dome camera with an array of red sensors surrounding it. There’s also a grill for what I suppose is a speaker. This design really strides the line between looking functional and cool for the sake of looking cool. If I were army building these guys, I would use this head as the squad leader. Also, much to my chagrin, this head will not fit on my regular BATs, as the balls are different sizes, which really surprised and irked me, because I would have totally given this head to one of my regular BATs to make him some kind of specialist.

You also get three different chest plates to choose from. The regular one with the Cobra emblem is the one I’ve been using for most of the photos so far. It’s the same basic design as the one on the regular BATs, just painted white. Likewise, you get a repaint of the damaged plate, which has some cracks and a big dent. I remain rather lukewarm on these armor chest plates, as the visible circuitry from the classic BAT design is just so iconic to me.

The third option is like a tactical vest with some utility pouches sculpted in and I actually like this one the best, mainly because the other two are constantly falling out. I’m not sure why, as I don’t have that problem on my regular BATs and it should all be the same mold, but it’s pretty annoying and this one stays put pretty well. I also think it looks good with the second head, and makes the figure look more distinctive. The exposed circuitry in the chest compartment is painted with a bright metallic blue with some of the larger components painted black. I really like how they sculpted detail into the inside of the chest plate as well.

You get the same style pistol that came with the regular BATs, but here the holster is swapped, so now he wears it on the right hip. I like this gun design a lot, and he can hold it well in either of his robotic arms.

And you get this big rifle, and I flippin’ hate this thing. It didn’t come wrapped in cardboard, so the barrel on mine is bent right out of the box. The design is just stupidly huge and awkward and the strap is really annoying and cumbersome and I may just snip it off. The only cool things here is the bottom frame hinges down to replace what I guess is a battery magazine that charges the rifle. I’m assuming it’s meant to be a directed energy weapon, because it doesn’t look like it takes regular ammo. Also, there’s a hinged bipod and the suppressor can be removed from the tip of the barrel. Either way, this thing is getting pitched into the dreaded Storage Tote of Forgotten Accessories, never to be seen again.

The exclusive new weapon attachment is a chainsaw and it looks as bad ass as you might imagine a robot with a chainsaw for a hand would look. Unfortunately, you only get the one weapon attachment, which I think is really cheap on Hasbro’s part. Sure they did some new sculpting for this figure, but they also saved a lot because the whole body is recycled, so I don’t think it’s asking much to pack in the same weapon attachments that came with the regular BATs, or heck at least include the claw. The lack of extras is driven home by the fact that the recycled weapon storage backpack serves almost no purpose. The chainsaw does not fit in the top storage slots and if you peg it into the side it just falls right out. So really the only thing the backpack is used for is to store whichever hand the chainsaw is replacing.

Alas, this release is mostly a miss for me, and wow does it feel strange being disappointed with a Classified figure. That almost never happens! It’s doubly weird, considering how much of this figure is borrowed from a genuinely great one. I’ll concede that the core figure is fine, but there are so many little other things that bug me about it, I’m sure glad I only got stuck with the one. Why don’t the regular chest plates stay on? Why can’t I store the chainsaw in the backpack? Why do you have a big stupid looking NERF rifle? Fortunately, the chainsaw is compatible with my regular BATs, so one of those guys will inherit it and this sucker can go pound snow. So, we’ve hit a bit of a downer in this trilogy of reviews, let’s hope we can end on a high note next week when I check out the Snow Serpent.

In the meantime, swing back here on Christmas Eve, as I will be kicking off a two-part review for Christmas! Or should I say, Christ-HISS! Eh? Seriously, please come back.

Dec 8 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Croc Master and Fiona by Hasbro

I’ve mentioned a few times before that Classified is moving into lesser known territory for me and starting to release figures based on characters that came out after I had sort of grown out of GI JOE. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m not familiar with these characters, indeed I wound up picking up the 25th Anniversary figures of a lot of them as an adult collector. It just means that I don’t have the same childhood nostalgia for these. And Croc Master definitely fits that bill. Cobra’s reptile trainer first hit the shelves around 1987-88. I was 15 and my life was all about watching Star Trek and Doctor Who, and less about playing with toys. He was also too late to be featured in the Sunbow cartoon, so as cool as he was, he was an unknown to me. But that’s not to say I’m not absolutely chuffed to get him!

Croc Master, founder of the ill-conceived “let’s use giant reptiles instead of dogs for security as a business model” Guard Gators, Inc., comes as a Deluxe set in a big window box and bundled with Fiona, his pet croc and a bunch of accessories. This set makes a good argument in favor of the window boxes, because you really do get to see all the cool stuff you’re getting in here and the toys look great against the crimson Cobra artwork printed on the cardboard backer. Let’s take a look at Croc Master first…

Oh yeah! By 1987 Cobra was really committing to becoming a right bunch of glorious weirdos. Maybe they were just embracing their newly discovered Cobra-La origins. Either way, Croc Master is practically the poster child for this new Cobra, looking every bit like DC Comics’ Bane with a reptile fetish. This guy is jacked and more than a little bit terrifying. His croc-skinned onesie is punctuated in the middle by a silver and yellow belt with one giant croc eye painted on the buckle. He’s got black trousers, reptile boots, and a brown holster and sheath strapped to his legs. One bold silver arm bracer is locked around his right forearm while a coiled reptile skin one adorns his left. I really dig the sculpted Cobra medallion on his chest and the painting and detail on the croc skin shirt is just superbly done. You can call him goofy, but don’t try to tell me you wouldn’t be shitting your pants if this guy came running at you in the middle of a swamp.

The head sculpt really drives home that Bane flavor. Croc Master has a form-fitting black hood with a giant silver breather mask covering his mouth and nose. There’s a black hose that leads off the side and connects to a horizontal canister across his back. Maybe this is oxygen so he can lie in wait under the water, but I’d like to think that this is just so he can breath horrible swamp gas wherever he goes. The deep crimson eyes contribute nicely to the intimidation factor here.

Croc’s more normal accessories consist of a fighting knife and a pistol, each of which can be stored on his person in the sheath and holster. The pig-sticker is mostly bare gray plastic, but it does have some green paint on the wrapped handle, giving it a bit of personality.

The pistol is a beefy, all black magnum revolver, which I think suits him pretty well. It’s fun to imagine that when he pulls this and shoots you, he’s just going for the knees because he wants you alive and screaming when his crocs eat you.

Similarly, his giant hook is likely embedded into your flesh so he can drag you back to the Croc Pens, Leatherface style, and drop you in. Yeah, this was a great idea for an accessory! There are a lot of horror elements tied up with this guy.

And his final accessory is a big coiled whip. This is a cool accessory, but I find it disappointing to think that Croc Master whips his beloved crocs. Then again, he is a bad guy, so he probably does. The whip is cast in soft plastic, but it pretty much stays with the end coiled up, which works better for posing than it does play.

And then there’s Fiona, which is a hell of a pack in, as it uses more plastic than Croc Master himself. And hey, if you’re in the market for a 6-inch scale croc, Fiona is the girl for you! The sculpted detail on this beast is absolutely gorgeous with every inch of her covered in scales or rough textured skin. Her legs are articulated with rotating hinges at the ankles and again where they meet the body. She also has points at the base of the tail and at the neck.

Of course, the upper jaw is articulated and she can open up nice and wide to better showcase those lovely teeth. Look at them snappers! This is an all around amazing toy and I can pretty much guarantee that my Hasbro Indiana Jones will be meeting Fiona at some point or another.

Croc also has a spiked collar and leash for Fiona. The whole thing is cast in soft plastic and the collar fits right over her head so he can better keep her under control.

And last but not least, Hasbro threw in too little baby crocs: One green and one albino! These are just simple static pieces, but oh so damn adorable! Why did they bother including these? I don’t know, but I’m glad they did!

Croc Master was released quite a while ago, so he’s one of those figures that has been languishing on my backlog for bit. I’m glad I finally got around to opening him, because this is an absolutely killer set, no pun intended. Croc Master himself is a fun design with some great paint and detail, but Fiona comes pretty close to stealing the show here while offering a lot of crossover potential for other toy lines in this scale. He was originally released at around $40, which is a damn fine value for what you’re getting, but nowadays you can find him for even less online. At some point, he may even drop low enough for me to pick up a second set just for another Fiona!

Nov 29 2023

G. I. JOE Classified: Buzzer by Hasbro

One thing I was very thankful for this past Thanksgiving week was the arrival of some choccy donut chomping, grape soda slurping ruffians in the form of some Classified Dreadnoks. Well, at least Buzzer and Ripper. And as the great philsopher Meat Loaf once said, two outta three ain’t bad. Even as I was starting to drift away from GI JOE around 85 and 86, Zartan and the Dreadnoks captured my imagination, mostly thanks to their wonderful debut in the Revenge of Cobra miniseries. Boy was I excited for these guys in Classified!

Buzzer comes in the now standard plastic-free fully enclosed box. Word is that Hasbro is going back to window boxes, but so far I’ve only seen evidence of that with the upcoming release of the Deluxe Mutt and Junkyard set. I’ve said before I like this packaging and I’d be happy if they stuck with it, but chances are I’ll only be keeping the cardboard footlockers and eventually ditching the boxes. Buzzer was my favorite of the original three Dreadnoks, but I couldn’t write you an argument as to why I favored him as a kid. I just did, and still do.

And just as I hoped and expected, Classified Buzzer hits all the familiar beats of the original RAH figure with enough added detail to bring him up to date with modernity. The khaki button down has ragged cuts where the sleeves were and a plunging neckline to show his manly hooligan chesticles. You get a right side shoulder strap with some sculpted grenades, one pineapple and one cannister, and these look almost good enough to fool me into thinking they’re removable. He has a badge and some dog tags on the left side of his chest, brown gloves, a wristwatch, and just check out that bitchin’ silver skull and crossbones belt buckle. So cool! The trousers are blue, he has thigh armor with integral holster and sheath, knee guards, and some kicking brown boots. The sculpt here is great and while the colors are a bit more muted than the RAH figure, the deco still works as a faithful homage.

The wrist watch is on a wide band and it’s removable. I also dig the tattoo on his left bicep. The tat is a beautiful update to the simple stamp on the RAH figure and it’s been relocated from the front of the bicep to the side, which feels more appropriate.

The head sculpt is also excellent even if I feel it strays quite a bit from the vintage influences. There’s a wee bit more Sunbow in here and a good bit of James Marsters as Spike from the Buffy TV series, and I sure ain’t hating it. He’s got some chiseled lines in his sunken cheeks, a cleft chin, and a prominent brow. His blonde hair is sculpted in a tight fashion, pulled into a ponytail in the back. This portrait works more as a dangerous villain than the clowning hooligan from the cartoon and I dig it a lot. And then there are the glasses…

For a company that gave us some absolutely incredibly 6-inch scale specs in the Indiana Jones line, these are kind of rough and disappointing. And it’s not that they look bad, but they just don’t fit the figure well, nor do they stay on. And that’s because there’s no design mechanism to keep them in place. They’re sort of supposed to tuck behind the ears, but they really don’t. The best I could get was for the left arm be flush with the head and the right arm popping off to the side. I may wind up gluing these to the figure and if I do that I’ll hope to pick up a second Buzzer on clearance down the road. Either way, this should have been done better. With that said, let’s check out his weaponry… And we’ll start big and work our way down…

They don’t call him Buzzer for nothing! This malicious miscreant comes with his trademark chainsaw. It’s a menacing looking bit of hardware with a black casing and silver blade. The casing and motor has some really nice sculpted detail, as does the chain on the blade. The final piece is missing some of the silver paint hits shown on the package rendering, but it does add some flat gray plastic parts, which I think makes up for it. Buzzer’s left hand isn’t quite positioned perfectly to make use of the grab bar, but he can make it work. The only thing disappointing here is that he doesn’t come with the Alice-Frame mounted gas can that the vintage figure had. I’m not sure how Hasbro missed that, but it’s another bit of disappointment to add to Buzzer. Also, since they didn’t include the gas can backpack, I would have loved to see a peg on the chainsaw so he could wear it on his back.

Buzzer also comes with an update to the RAH figure’s weird chain axe weapon. I consider this to be pretty iconic for him too, and Hasbro did a decent job with it. The chain is just sculpted plastic, but you get some sculpted wrappings around the handle. A real chain would have been preferred, but I still like this weapon a lot.

Another interesting piece for his custom arsenal is this baseball bat with two serrated axe blades mounted to it. I’m not sure if this is a weapon included with a later version of the figure or just something Hasbro made up for Classified, but I heartedly approve. I love the idea that the Dreadnoks spend their downtime in a garage bolting together various bits to come up with crazy new murder implements. The bat is black, the blades are painted silver and you get some silver paint on the handle wrappings. It’s pretty bad-ass!

And lastly we come to the two more conventional weapons: A fighting knife and an automatic pistol. The pistol is a compact little piece cast in black plastic. I guess when you carry around blades on chains and baseball bat axes, you don’t need to make a statement with your sidearm. It has good sculpted detail and even some painted wraps around the grip, which is a surprisingly nice little touch.

The knife is simple, but looks good. Hasbro ponied up for some silver paint on the blade, which is always a welcome treat. Both the knife and pistol are the only accessories that he can store on his person.

Buzzer is a really good figure with a few missed opportunities. I love everything about the figure itself, but it’s hard to imagine how Hasbro thought the glasses were supposed to work. As I said earlier, I may just wind up gluing them on, but I’m going to wait to see if I can find a second Buzzer on clearance down the road. The missing gas can is also a shame, but an easy fix for that would be to include it as an accessory with a Dreadnok motorcycle release later on. I don’t really think that will happen, but it would be an easy re-sculpt using parts from some of bikes released in the Marvel Legends line and I’m pretty sure it would sell. A set of three Dreadnok bikes and accessories as a HasLab? Yeah, that might work.

Nov 17 2023

Transformers (Studio Series 86): Brawn by Hasbro

Looking back, I’ve only showcased a handful of Transformers here on FFZ this year, which is pretty indicative of how little attention I’ve been paying the line these days. There are still one or two figures that I’d like to review before the end of the year, but for the most part Hasbro and I have parted ways on their magnificent line of convertorobots. Even the reveals of their new line this past week has left me cold. And that’s fine. It’s an amicable breakup and I’ve got a ton of great figures on my shelf. But I would be remiss if I let the year expire without giving Studio Series Brawn his due!

Brawn has got to be one of the standout OG Autobots that has gotten the least amount of love from Hasbro over the years. We got a live action movie version of him based on his cameo in the Bumblebee flick, but the closest thing to a mainstream release was the Legends Class figure from Titans Return. I liked that figure well enough, but even back then I was still jonesing for a proper Deluxe Class update, and here we go. It’s kind of ironic that when we finally do get this figure, it’s based on his appearance in the 1986 movie that he is only in long enough to get unceremoniously murdered by Starscream using Megatron as a gun. Eh, I’m OK with that. The cartoon version of Brawn always struck me as a bully and a jerk, so I didn’t shed any tears when he got sent to The Great Scrapheap in the Sky. Let’s start with his vehicle mode…

Brawn’s auto mode is a 4×4 off-road jeepy kind of thing. It’s kind of ugly, but that sort of lends itself well to the rugged and utilitarian design. It’s definitely a decent looking update for the original toy and cartoon versions. The bulk of the vehicle is cast in olive green plastic with painted aqua blue windows, which give it a bit of an animated vibe. I like the satin silver finish on the grill, headlamps, and the bit of orange down near the bumper. There’s an Autobot insignia on the hood, a spare tire up on the roof and lots and lots of exposed seams and hinges all over the place. I’ll confess I had a bit of trouble getting everything to close up in this mode and found that whenever I got everything packed up on one side, something would pop out on the other. Still, all in all, this alt mode works for me.

You do get the option to weaponize Brawn’s jeep mode by plugging his hand gun into the spare tire. Plugging weapons into the car modes doesn’t always work so well, but here’s a case where I think it looks pretty good. I could even imagine the gun popping out of the top like this in the cartoon, although I don’t think it ever actually did.

Transforming Brawn into robot mode is fairly easy and there are some cool things going on with the engineering. And it’s hard to argue with the resulting robot mode, because it looks really good and pretty damn faithful to the cartoon look. Just like his G1 design, the figure wears the bulk of the jeep on his back, with a wall extending up past the back of his head. He’s got an appropriately bold and boxy chest and an overall pretty clean look. The way the sides of the jeep fold into his lower legs is pretty neat, and I dig the way the two sets of wheels wind up together on each of the backs of his legs. You also get some really nice coloring on this figure with the olive green of the jeep landing mostly on his limbs and back and the bright orange on his chest, pelvis and behind the head. The silver paint on the arms looks sharp, and you get a bold Autobot insignia on his chest.

The head sculpt is a direct hit and a dead ringer for the Sunbow animated portrait, which gave him a lot more personality than the generic robotic face on the original toy. The dome-shaped helmet is painted in gray and the face is painted in a metallic silver with the eyes in blue. Very nice!

Brawn comes with a black handgun, which we already saw stuck into his auto mode. The figure can hold it in either hand… yes HANDS! Another gift Sunbow gave poor G1 Brawn was actual hands and not just robotic hooks like the toy had. The gun looks great and Brawn sports some excellent articulation making him just a joy to pose and play around with.

Brawn was one of the last G1 updates on my want list, so I’m especially glad to get him now that Hasbro seems to be turning its attention away from Generation One and onto other things. I wouldn’t say no to an Outback repaint, but I’m not really hoping for it either. Indeed, the only one of the Class of 84 Autobots I’d still like to see updated is Hound. We got a decent version of him about six years back in Siege but I’d still like a Studio Series style version of him with his Earth alt mode, because he remains one of my all-time favorite Autobots. In the meantime, I still have Dinobot Snarl to look at and a smattering of other change-o-bots that I picked up a while back and never featured here, like Sky Lynx and Skyfire, so even if I drift away from collecting these wonderful toys, the Spark shall live on with more future reviews on the way!