You have failed me again, Starscream… I mean… Matty Collector.

After flubbing up the Voltron Club Lion Force subscription by a) Not charging us when we were supposed to be charging, and b) Not letting us know whether or not our subs would even be processed until the day of the sale, and c) Not following through on their commitment to ship subber’s toys before everyone else’s, one might have wondered what was going to go wrong with the Club Infinite Earths subscription. Well, wait no more, because here it is…

DC Universe Fans [suckers],

It’s been a long time coming [Yes, it has been a long time. Long enough for us to get this right and yet we still couldn’t!] and DC Universe Club Infinite Earths is now on the horizon! Golden Age Flash will be the first figure released and we’ve just confirmed we’ll receive our shipment in mid-May. [Yes it was supposed to be April. Sorry, we didn’t whip our Chinese children slave labor force hard enough and they fell behind on their quotas.] That means the club will launch in May instead of April. For subscribers, we’ll begin processing orders when the shipment is received (ETA is currently 5/12) and sending them out about 10 business days later. [So, not only are we delaying the launch a month, we won’t even make good on our commitment to ship subbers’ figures before day of sale purchases. Ha Ha!] Although the club is starting in May rather than April, you’ll still get the nine figures you signed up for in 2012; we’ll just double up on figures for one month in the fall [We sincerely hope this fucks up your budgeting!} (you’ll have plenty of notice before it happens).  

One thing of note: your club order will not be eligible for combined shipping until June, which is the first “renewal” month. [We could have changed this as a courtesy for your inconvenience, but that would deny us an opportunity to fuck you over on our ridiculously slow and expensive shipping!] You may recall that the first month a subscription order ships, it has to ship separately, then beginning with the second month it will be combined with your other subscriptions. [Ha Ha, fuck you!]
Okay, enough business — on to the good stuff! At press time, here is the release schedule (as always, subject to change) [LOL! That’s our way of saying all the information in this email is worthless!]                  

May: Golden Age The Flash
June: Atrocitus (monthly figure) & Metron (club-exclusive)
July: Starman (monthly figure) & Rocket Red (club quarterly figure)
August: Mirror Master
September: Black Mask        

Even though he won’t arrive until May, our Golden Age The Flash figure will certainly be worth waiting for! The original scarlet speedster, Jay Garrick, will come with his vac-metalized signature helmet and, like all figures in the line, will feature great details and full articulation. [Does anyone else find it ironic that The Flash will arrive a month late? We do!]    

We’ll post updates at as we get closer and have more information. [Be sure to stop by, so we can stick the pre-order offer for that ridiculous, shitty and overpriced Back to the Future hoverboard in your face!] For now, you can look forward to an amazing year packed with long-awaited true collector characters! Thank you for being a loyal customer – we appreciate your business. [Because who else buy you would let us fuck you over and over again and keep coming back?]

– Matty  

Apparently that was edited for content in a very childish and possibly slightly drunk manner. So, the long and short of it is the whole subscription will be delayed for a month, and subbers will get hit twice in one month for at least two monthly figures. Once again, Mattel seems incapable of following through on any of their commitments to subscribers. It seems to me like they could have at least shipped the Exclusive figure, which we already paid for, in April in lieu of the actual monthly figure, but nope.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal for me. Waiting another month isn’t going to kill me, nor is having to buy two figures in one month. But, I feel sorry for collectors who actually have all three subs because between this and all the other shannagans that Matty pulls with the release schedules, its really difficult to budget for these figures and being able to budget for them should be one of the advantages of the whole sub service.

No, it just goes back to what I said when Matty screwed up the Voltron sub. Its been almost a year since they did open enrollment for subscriptions. That’s how much time lead time they had to get this right, and they still couldn’t do it. And yet this is the same company that blathers on in their emails about contracts and obligations regarding their subscriptions, which to Matty is apparently a one-way street. Its a joke. But this is nothing new. For a while I was glad to see DC Universe Classics go the route of subscription because it meant I didn’t have to hunt the figures down anymore and I didn’t have to pony up to buy a whole case at one time. But having to deal with Matty and Digital River on any level really sticks in my craw as a matter of principal.

If I weren’t so busy this week, I’d be tempted to cancel the rest of this week’s DC Universe Classics features in protest, but I wouldn’t have time to brew up anything else, so I guess I’ll press on.