So, today I went out for lunch and a couple of pitchers of brew with some friends and it took me near a Walmart that I never go to. I never really go to any Walmarts anymore, because none of the ones in this area actually stock any toys worth a damn. But with Titans Return figures cropping up all over, I thought I’d give it a try. It turned out to be a bust. A shelf crammed with Motormasters and pegs stuffed with Robots in Disguise. I grabbed some kitty litter so it wasn’t a wasted trip and stomped off to the register defeated. But then it just popped in there. Something that I loved from my childhood. Something that could never possibly destroy me. Mr. Stay Puft. And he was on a box of Twinkies. In a big display at the checkout. I bought them and now I’m going to tell you what I think. And Ray is going to help me…
While the toys for the new Ghostbusters film may already be on clearance at a number of retailers, the breakout marketing hit seems to be of the edible varieties. The nerd world seems to have gone mad over the return of Ecto Coolers, and now we have Hostess jumping on board with Ghostbusters themed Twinkies. I haven’t purchased Twinkies in something like 20 years. I can barely remember the last time I ate one. But these looked like they were worth a shot. They had Slimer branded ones too, but I wasn’t confident in Hostess’ ability to work wonders with fake Key Lime flavoring. These are more my bag. White fudge covered Twinkies with marshmallow topping. The box is branded with Mr. Stay Puft himself and the Ghostbusters logo warning you that these are Limited Editions. Indeed, very limited, as the expiration date on my boxes show their time is up next month. What’s that old joke about Twinkies never expiring? Anyway, this box of chemically produced snack cake goodness boasts 9 individually wrapped cakes, which seems to me like a rather odd number. Both literally and figuratively. Nonetheless, I was anxious to try these with my afternoon coffee.
So, the last time I had a Twinkie, I’m pretty sure it came in a clear baggie. These come in swanky white wrappers peppered with the Hostess logo. They feel posh, but I’ll confess to being disappointed that the branding stops at the box. Those Hostess emblems should have been Ghostbusters emblems. Also, these look rather small. I probably remember Twinkies bigger because I was small the last time I ate one, but these are not big Twinkies. I didn’t even feel bad about my plan to gobble down two of these with my coffee, providing they passed the taste test. If these Twinkies represented all of the psycho kenetic energy in my immediate area, I’d be OK with that, because it wouldn’t be much. Ray looks a little more worried. But then they’re huge by his standards.
With the wrapper off, I’m less impressed. It’s not really Twinkie shaped. It’s kind of got a flat top. It also looks like something Mr. Stay Puft might leave behind after a squat. It does smell good though. Also, I’m now enamored with the idea that Mr. Stay Puft shits marshmallow Twinkies.
Now’s the time to admit that I was a little disappointed when I got the box home and read the fine print. I expected the Twinkie filling to be marshmallow, but it’s regular Twinkie filling. The Marshmallow is spread on top of the Twinkie before its encased in the white fudge. Yeah, it clearly states that on the box, but in my defense, I’m a 43-year old man buying snack cakes to cheer myself up from not finding any toys. My oversight is understandable. Breaking one open, it certainly looks inviting. The sponge cake is yellow and spongy and the creamy center is chock full of fluffy isotopes. But I can’t see any marshmallow layer. Hmm… Well, the proof is in the eating.
And I have to say, these things are damned good. The marshmallow is there. And it’s fairly potent. But not too potent. It’s hard to believe it’s all coming from that nearly non-existent layer on the top, but I’d say it’s just the right amount of marshmallow finish. It also blends nicely on the palate with the combination of white fudge icing and whatever the creme goop is that they inject these things with. The cake is as smooth and spongy as modern science can produce, and I found these to be a real treat with my coffee. Would I buy more? Yes, undoubtedly. I doubt I’d make a special trip to that Walmart for them, but if they turn up at the Target or Publix around the corner, I could see putting a box or two of these away for a rainy day. I could also see myself being sad when the last one is gone.