Masters of the Universe Classics: Crita by Mattel

The news has been out for a while now that Matty Collector’s days are numbered. The site as we know it will close up shop at the end of the year and the rest of their stock is now up for grabs. Sadly, it’s mostly the late-game figures that don’t garner a lot of interest. That reminds me, I do need to get me a new Flogg, since the crotch on mine inexplicably exploded while it was sitting bagged in a tote. And in all this turmoil, I completely forgot that I still have a Masters Classics figure from last month waiting to be opened. I better open this one up now, because September is going to be a big month with quite a few figures rolling in.

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Her name is Crita and she dances on the sand… no, wait… that’s Rio from Duran Duran. Let’s try that again. Her name is Crita and she hails from the New Adventures cartoon series. I have no idea who she is, other than one of the evil Space Mutants, and since there are no bios on the backs of the packages anymore, I’m no more the wiser. But not knowing a particular character has never stopped me from enjoying any figure in this line before. I just have to do some research. Thanks to the magic of The Yootoobs, I’m off to watch an episode of the cartoon that she appeared in called “Escape from Gaolotia.” BRB!

…And NOPE! I couldn’t get through it, but I saw enough to know that Crita and Skeletor might have had a little sumthin-sumthin going on and she talks like she smokes 30 packs of Marlboros a day.

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And here she is in all her glory. I don’t get what they were going for with her design. Most of the Space Mutants each had their own crazy thing going on, but I can’t figure out what that is supposed to be with Crita. She’s a lavender skinned lady in a purple dress, purple boots, and a blue half cape kind of thing that is permanently attached to her arm bracers. At the risk of dropping two 80’s music references in one MOTUC review, this looks like Space Stevie Nicks. Holy shit, now I can’t unsee it. Some of the finer details of her ensemble include a gold belt, a gold amulet around her neck, a sculpted ring on her right hand, and what appears to be a bone necklace. Seriously, what’s going on with this chick?

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Have I mentioned this cape thing? Yeah, I did, but it begs further study. Never sacrifice agility for fashion, especially if you’re in a career that demands you fight people for a living. I would have been a whole lot more forgiving of this thing if you could un-peg it from the arms, but you can’t. It’s like some kind of bizarre fashion bondage accessory designed to inhibit her arm movement. Apparently Space Stevie Nicks is a little kinky!

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Crita may be a product of the 90’s, but she’s got hair straight out of the 80’s. Forget Space Stevie Nicks, she looks like she should be a backup vocalist for Jem and the Holograms. Or maybe The Misfits, since she’s a bad girl. My point is she’s got a whole lot of hair. The portrait is pretty standard stuff for this line. She’s pretty, but nobody ever sat her down and told her that too much eye makeup makes her look like a whore. The gold tiara is a nice touch.

By now we all know the standard articulation for the MOTUC female bucks, but I’ve only got so many of these figures left, so let’s run it down for old time’s sake. The arms feature rotating hinges in the shoulders, swivels in the biceps and wrists, and hinges in the elbows. Of course, the range of motion is limited, so if you want one arm out the other arm needs to be close to her side, and even then, you don’t get a lot of range of motion here. The legs feature ball joints and swivels in the hips, and hinges in the knees and ankles. Here too, Crita suffers some limitation, this time because of her skirt. Finally, you get a swivel in the waist and a ball joint in the neck.

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Crita comes with three accessories. First, you have her gold wand with a rose-colored opaque stone embedded in it. I didn’t watch enough of the episode to figure out what her powers are, but I presume she’s some kind of spell-slinger. Either that or she just hits people with this wand. Actually, it does have a more conventional use…

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It transforms into a whip. No, it doesn’t really transform, this is a second accessory presenting the wand in whip form. I kind of like it. It’s different. I mean, rocker chicks from space with magic whips? I can dig that.

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And lastly, she comes with what I believe is a fear gas gun. I hate this thing. It looks like somebody 3D-printed it. Seriously, not a single lick of paint on an accessory this big is inexcusable when you consider the price of these figures and getting her to hold it in any convincing manner is all but impossible. Also, I kind of hate that it’s not a keytar.

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And that’s Crita, folks. Contrary to how it may sound, I don’t really dislike this figure at all. I kind of hate that I paid about $35 for her when you factor in shipping, but whatever. The rest of this Collectors Choice Sub has been rock solid, and if Crita’s the worst of the bunch, that’s still not too bad. I know quite a few folks were complaining about the QC on this one, like maybe it’s getting worse as the line gets closer to the end, but I don’t have any issues with mine, other than a stray spot of paint or two. Really, in the end my main gripe here is that her outfit is restricting, and she’s just not a lot of fun to play with. But in the end, it’s just nice to have a chick on hand to spruce up my Space Mutant shelf.

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