The long and short of today’s post is that I have to take a little time off. I don’t know how long, but right now I’m betting it will be at least a week. I hope it won’t be more. If you aren’t interested in the details, just know that it’s family stuff and please check back for new content soon. If you are interested in what’s going on, here it is…
The last month has been a challenge that keeps getting harder and harder. A couple months back my Dad was diagnosed with an aggressive and fast moving cancer in his hip. It quickly robbed him of his ability to walk. He took his first round of chemo last week and unfortunately, it tanked his white blood cell count putting him in the hospital this past Tuesday. He was running crazy high fevers and was in a really bad way. That night I spent nearly two hours holding his hand while he slipped in and out of a delusional state. It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life, because I love him so much. For the next few days he slipped in and out of high fevers as they isolated his infection and began treating him for it. Tonight he should be stable enough to move out of the ICU. But that just begins the real journey.
A week ago, when he finished his first round of chemo, he was optimistic and full of cheer. He had no noticeable side effects, and he was sure this was going to work. Now, his treatment has been side-lined. He’s lost at least a week of progress, and his pain just gets worse and worse. He can’t even turn over in his bed without serious pain. He has a long hard road ahead.
Now add to this mix the fact that my mother has dementia. She can still do things around the house. But she is continuing to lose her short term memory. She gets confused more easily and is getting to the point where she can’t be left home alone for very long. I have been juggling both of their care with work and it has felt like an impossible situation. Right now, I get up at 7am. Make my Mom lunch and drive over to her house. I make her coffee and breakfast and we head off to the hospital. She stays with my Dad while I go to work. After work, I drive back up to the hospital. Spend a little time with my Dad and then drive her back home. I get everything set up for her so she can watch TV for an hour or so before going to bed. I come home, chill a bit. Crash into bed and then start it all over again.
There are probably a hundred words that can describe how I feel right now. Some of the ones that come to mind are: Heart-broken, frustrated, exhausted, devastated, hopeless, and defeated. My only hope is to get my Dad home from the hospital and comfortable so that I can get some in-house care for them both.
Needless to say, this doesn’t leave me any time for this blog. And while that seems like a trivial thing when dealing with all of this, the truth is that this blog is therapy for me. It’s my lifeline when I’m drowning, and now I don’t even have that.
Right now, I’m just setting FFZ aside for this week. I’m not even going to try to do anything with it. Hell, I barely had time to type this. I hope to get something up maybe by the week of the 17th. Maybe sooner, maybe later.