Super7’s various Ultimates line are becoming a weekly fixture around these parts, and that’s because I collect three of these lines and S7 has been pumping them out pretty hot and heavy. Right now ThunderCats and GI JOE are battling for slots every week so I can get current and get back to Silverhawks. Today I’m headed back into Wave 3 of the GI JOE Ultimates to have a look at the Cobra Troopers. And if you want to get caught up, I’ve already checked out both Scarlett and Storm Shadow from this assortment!
Ah, the good old days, when these figures came with slipcovers! These were phased out in the following wave, and at this point S7 had already changed the snazzy glossy finish on the cardboard to dull matte. The presentation is still nice, with the blue camo, bold red Cobra emblem, dogtag style name plate and the weathering made to look like paint rubbed off of steel. But, these will continue to die a death of a thousand cost cuts until we get just the window box. As we’re about to see, the Cobra Trooper comes with parts to make two variants of the same figure, so naturally I picked up two.
There’s just something about the Sunbow cartoon Cobra Troops that I love so much. These guys were pretty buff and badass looking, even if they were a bunch of clowns who were prone to getting taken out by having their heads knocked together like a couple of coconuts. The uniforms take inspiration from the RAH designs, but they’ve been streamlined for a super clean toony look. The fatigues here are recreated as smooth and without much in the way of tailored detail, although they do each have a pouch on their right legs. The belts include shoulder straps and two more pouches on the hips. The shoulder rigs are executed in the Y-back style. There are black and white hexagonal knee pads, and the boots have some white buckles on the sides. Finally, a bold Cobra emblem is emblazoned on the front of the shirts. Like I said, these guys are clean and simple and perfectly evoke the animated look.
There are two different heads with each figure, and these are varied by fair skin and tan skin, so you can have a little bit of variety in your troops if you decide to army build. Unlike most of S7’s Ultimates, the head swap here is done at the base of the neck so that you get the skin color change all the way down to the uniform collar. The helmet and face mask designs are identical, but there is a little variety in the painted facial features. The lighter skinned trooper has blonde eyebrows, while the tan has black, but neither are showing any hair under the helmets. I really like how they handled this variation and I wouldn’t be opposed to picking up a couple more if they reissued the figure with yet another two head designs.
By now you should all know the deal with the articulation here. It’s serviceable, but some of the joints lack the range in motion that most collectors would have preferred. I will say that the rotating hinges in the elbows feel like they have a tiny bit more range than some other figures in the line, as they can easily do a 90-degree bend. It’s still not ideal, but I’ve learned to accept what we got here and still have fun with it. All of the joints on these guys worked great straight out of the box. You do get several pairs of hands, and each set is duplicated in both the light and tan skin to go with whichever head you choose. The hands include fists, trigger hands, and loose grip hands. I would have liked a pair of relaxed or karate chop hands, but in fairness, they were duplicating each set and that’s a lot of hands! Let’s move on to accessories, and we’ll start with the weapons!
First off, each Trooper comes with a laser pistol and I really dig this design. IT’s boxy in the receiver with a site at the end of the barrels. It looks serviceable and fairly realistic, as opposed to some of the more wackier pistols we’ve seen in this line. The detail is really sharp and I really like the blue-gray finish, which is repeated for all the guns included with these guys.
And here’s my all time favorite of Cobra’s arsenal: The laser submachine gun! These have no stocks and a scope mounted up top. There’s a magazine type attachment in front of the trigger guard, which in this case I assume is a battery pack, since they fired lasers in the cartoon. There’s just enough detail here to look good without compromising the simplicity of the toon aesthetic. These are the guns that I’ll be displaying with these guys all the time.
Finally for the guns, you get a large rifle, and these tend more toward realism than the usual cartoon weapons. These have skeletal stocks, a very detailed receiver, complex scopes, and even carry straps. These designs are based off the weapon included with the original Real American Hero Cobra soldier
And finally, you get the bitchin’ laser whip from the original Mini-Series. These have tube shaped, lightsaber-like hilts with some painted controls and the bright blue whips are cast in a soft rubbery plastic. I’m not sure if the whips are designed to be removed from the hilts or not. I gave it a little tug and it didn’t come out, so I’m not going to risk it.
In addition to all that firepower, you get a couple of pieces of equipment. First up, the Cobra Trooper comes with a walkie-talkie so he can talk to his chums. We have had a few walkies in this line so far, but I think this is a new sculpt. It’s got a circular screen mesh speaker and a frequency display on the top, along with an antenna. There’s a hand designed to hold it, and it can be a bit tricky to get it in there, but once I got it, it worked fine.
And the final accessory is a briefcase bomb! The blue briefcase has four tiny feet to rest on and a gray carry handle. Open it up and it reveals a very toony looking bomb inside with some different colored wires and a digital screen showing the timer.
Oh boy, do I dig these guys! While I loved each and every one of my RAH figures, I can remember wishing my Cobra Troops looked more like the cartoon, although in fairness I only ever had one Cobra and one Cobra Officer. Super7 did a great job nailing the animated look and the weapons and accessories are all great. I’m keeping a close eye on these to go on sale, but I haven’t decided what that magic number is that will make me go crazy and get a bunch more. It would be cool to see these reissued with two more variant heads and maybe an H-back for the shoulder straps. I’d also love to see S7 give us some female Cobra Troopers as well.
Some new Dreadnoks arrived last week, one of whom, Torch, completes the original trio of terror. I’ve already checked out Buzzer last year, but I never got around to Ripper, so I decided to pair them up for today’s review. It seems somehow appropriate since back in the 25th Anniversary Collection, Buzzer got his own release and Ripper and Torch were sold in a two-pack. I make it no secret that I absolutely loved the Dreadnoks in both the original Real American Hero line and the Sunbow cartoon. These guys were like throwing a bomb into the middle of the balance of power, and with how often Zartan and the Dreadnoks betrayed Cobra when I played with my JOEs, it’s a wonder why they kept hiring them. And their sudden reversal at the end of the second cartoon Mini-Series remains one of my all time favorite moments from that series.
One nice thing about waiting so long to get to Ripper is that it lets me to a side-by-side comparison of the package changes. Buzzer and Ripper were released in the plastic-free, fully enclosed box, but Torch sees the return of the window box. I’m glad I don’t collect these figures for boxed display because this sort of thing would drive me crazy. It also means that only Ripper and Torch get those nifty cardboard footlockers for their gear. Still, all in all I like the window boxes a lot better, as it gives you a great look at the figure and most of what he comes with. Let’s start with Ripper, since he’s been waiting around for a long time!
Infamous for extorting candy in nursery school, Ripper has been a bad seed his whole life and now he’s arrived to make life miserable for the JOEs. The Classified figure takes the original RAH design and runs with it. His camo tank top is no longer a half-shirt and now completely covers his abs. The blue jeans are a darker denim with some nice texturing, there’s a wide belt, a chain hooked onto two of the belt loops, black knee pads and high black boots. The gold bicep band on the original figure’s right arm is now fully fleshed out with a spike strip, there’s a sculpted wrist band on his left arm, and the holster that was sculpted onto the original figure’s right thigh is now a fully functional separate piece, held in place by friction. The sculpted grenade and knife on the RAH figure is replaced with a separate shoulder harness that’s worn by the figure. It’s got a pair of pineapple style grenades sculpted onto the right shoulder strap, while the left one has a functional sheath for his combat knife. And, of course, the shoulders are reinforced with spikes! Everything about Ripper screams that society failed him, and I love everything about this update, and we haven’t even gotten to the head sculpt yet.
Oh yeah! Ripper’s giant meat head, features a full beard, mutton chops, and I don’t even know how to describe that haircut, but I do know that the barber responsible hates the world. He’s got a mohawk that tufts in the front and runs down the back to form a mullet tail, while the sides are close shaven. And boy did Hasbro do a nice job texturing that buzz cut. He’s got one dogtag serving as a right earring and a necklace of more dogtags strung around his neck. I also failed to previously mention the beautiful tatts that he’s got printed on his right shoulder and left arm.
The glasses are removable, and these work a heck of a lot better than Buzzer’s did, which had problems staying put. I’m not going to say these will never fall off when posing or playing, but they do stay on much, much better. Take them off and you can see him popping a glass eye with a smiley face in his right socket, and that has got to be one of the greatest and most bizarre little touches I’ve ever seen on a mainstream, mass market action figure. And for you parents out there, you can have fun explaining to little Timmy what the tear drop tattoo under the left eye means! Ripper’s whole expression is fantastic, as he growls, showing his teeth. You even get scars bisecting both of his eyebrows. Top notch work!
Moving on to weapons, we’ll start small. The thigh holster houses a rather unique pistol that looks like some kind of Road Warrior custom job. There’s no visible magazine, so it may be very low capacity. It does have a serrated knife-style bayonet on it, and overall looks pretty cool.
The combat knife stowed in his shoulder sheath is a nice piece of work. It has a sawback blade with a clipped point and a knuckle guard on the hilt. A lot of these Classified knives are just tiny black pieces of plastic with no personality, so I really enjoy when the cutlery gets a little extra love thrown its way. I also dig how the left hand is perfectly sculpted to hold it, but will still work as a trigger-finger hand for the guns.
Next up is his rifle with the crazy curved metal splitter blade. I fell in love with this rifle design ever since I first saw it in the animated commercial for Marvel’s GI JOE #30. The initial main strategy of the Dreadnoks seemed to be that they just snuck into your base while you were sleeping and wrecked your equipment like a bunch of assholes. Anyway, this weapon is so damn badass, and Ripper was using it to stab the hell out of a VAMP in the commercial. There is some fantastic sculpted detail on this weapon, including a scope, top rail, suppressor, and it has a removable magazine. There’s also a peg on his back, so you can secure it through the trigger guard.
And that brings us to Ripper’s signature weapon, the giant power jaws. Patterned after the Jaws of Life that first responders use to rescue people, Ripper just uses it to wreck stuff. It looks like the unholy mating of a pincer claw and a leaf blower and I do love it. I’m kind of disappointed that we didn’t get a backpack and power cable to go with it, but in fairness it does seem to be redesigned to be self contained. Maybe it’s for the better because the power cable on my 25th Anni. Ripper was pretty frustrating and to be honest, I’d rather have the option to stow his rifle on his back when he’s using this thing. OK, let’s turn up the heat and move on to Torch!
The OG Dreadnok trio is rounded out by Torch, and there’s no way I can write a better introduction to him than what was printed on his original filecard. “Torch is an illiterate, unrepentant thug whose penchant for sudden and unexpected violence is matched only by the utter depth of his stupidity.” That’s just gold. As with his comrades, the Classified Torch sticks pretty close to the original RAH design, but maybe with fewer embellishments here. The leather jacket is cast in soft plastic and worn by the figure with the same three straps connecting it below his chest. There’s some bright and snappy silver paint applied to the buckles and zippers, as well as the chain loops at the shoulders, and studs on the back. I do kind of miss the graphic added to the jacket for the 25th Anniversary figure, I thought that was a nice bit of embellishment and added some character, but i guess the studs are nice too. The light blue jeans are textured and disappear into his high black boots, which have reinforced knees. He has twin holsters attached to his thighs and held on by friction, along with a spiked band on his left arm. His hands have sculpted gloves, with chains wrapped around the wrists. These are left gray plastic, and it’s a shame they couldn’t have been painted silver. The silver belt sculpted around his waist looks very nice, and I dig the flame tats on his forearms. He also has some cheeky flame patches on the back pockets of his jeans!
The head sculpt is solid, but I feel like it shows a little lower effort compared to Buzzer and Ripper, kind of like they started to run out of steam by the time they got to him. It definitely hits all the beats of the RAH original, with the mustache, side beard, and ball chin. He’s also got his trademark glasses and red headband. The glasses are are part of the sculpt this time, and I don’t have a problem with that considering the success rate on glasses so far was only 50-50. But, the overall quality of the sculpt here seems softer and less detailed. There are also uneven lines around the beard’s paint, which is disappointing. I do like the studded choker and the animal skull pendant is very cool, especially the way the neck cord looks like horns protruding from the top. This is not in any way a bad portrait, just a step down from the other really great ones.
The dual holsters hold a matched pair of automatic pistols. These are cast in grey plastic and nicely detailed. You also get holes in the barrels for blast effect parts, though none are included. Considering the original figure only came with his torch and backpack, it’s cool that he got a pair of pistols here.
Of course, Torch comes his signature weapon, which was an acetylene torch. The tanks are worn on his back and are given a bit more personality here, with the central tank painted in yellow and decked out with some graphics and the and “Nocks Rule” There’s a hose coming off the side of the backpack, which plugs into the torch itself. The torch can be attached to the bottom of the tanks for storage, with the hose awkwardly looping out to the side. But, you can remove the hose if it gets in the way.
The torch is cast in gray plastic and has two handles, with the trigger being in the front. There’s also a really bitchin demon skull on the front with the tip of the torch protruding from its jaws and flame shooting up from the eye sockets. As cool as the flaming eyes are, it’s a pity they aren’t removable for when the torch is not in use, because with them there it looks like it’s always on. You get three different flame effect pieces, the first of which is just a bit of flame puffing out the nozzle.
Now, I’m certainly no expert, but I think I know the difference between an acetylene torch and a flamethrower, but I’m not sure the world of GI JOE does, because this thing is clearly a flame thrower. I don’t know, it has three tanks on the back, which is one more than you need for an acetylene torch, so maybe it’s rigged as both? Sure, let’s go with that. Still, who’s going to quibble when the flame effects look this damn good!
Boy it feels great to have the original three Dreadnoks finally together in the Classified line! If we’re going by the figure itself, I think Ripper is my favorite of the three, with Buzzer second and Torch falling in a close third. On the other hand, if we’re going by specialty weapon, Torch takes the prize because he just looks so damn cool shooting out those flame effects. Either way, you can’t go wrong with this trinity of terror, and they look fantastic with Zartan and Zarana. Gnawgahyde and his menagerie also arrived, so I hope to be getting to him soon. Next on the top of my list will be Zanzabar!
I’ll confess, I feel so guilty pushing new Classified releases to the head of the review line when I have so many older figures to look at here. But then again the new Cobra Ferrets rolled in this past weekend and how could I not? This Combat ATV was first introduced to the Cobra arsenal back in 1985, and was just another prime example of how many cool toys this line had that were still small and affordable. And by affordable I mean that if I was really good and tagged along with my Dad when he went to Sears on Saturday morning to get a tool, I might have a chance of talking him into getting me a FANG, a SNAKE Armor, a FERRET. or some other small vehicle. These were also featured several times in the Sunbow cartoon, which just made them all the more desirable, probably because of hidden subliminal messages.
And behold, the new Classified Ferret. No longer a little impulse item, this new Cobra ATV is scaled for the 6-inch line, is big enough to carry a couple of riders, and is bristling with weaponry. This release was a Hasbro Pulse Exclusive and sold out fairly quickly, and there is a Target Exclusive JOE version on the way. You get a colorful box with some great artwork and shots of the toy. And unlike the original RAH version, this one comes with a dedicated driver, The Cobra Ferret Scout, visible through a window panel on the front of the box. Oh, and hello! It’s a lady! The Ferret requires a bit of assembly, and make sure you take note of the direction of those tire treads, because once you put them on, they’re a bitch to take off again. I bought two and learned my lesson putting together the the first. Let’s start with the figure!
The Ferret Scout is a repaint of the Cobra Valkyries that came in a two-pack not that long ago. The previously black and blue fatigues are now light grey and dark grey, with some black, blue and trim added. It’s a rather unique deco that is very pleasing to the eye and maybe leans into an urban camo vibe for me. The belt, bicep strap, and holster rig are all borrowed directly from the Valkyrie, but an ankle sheath has been added to the left leg. There’s also an additional vest piece that’s worn by the figure providing a little armor to the vital bits, and stamped with a red Cobra emblem on the front.
The head is also borrowed from one of the noggins that came with the Valks, but it now includes a riding helmet. This piece is cast in soft plastic and encompasses the entire head with an opening for the eyes. The design is awesome, with a snakehead motif forming the top of the visor, complete with snake fangs, and a pair of painted fangs over the mouth guard. It fits the figure very well and it’s nice to have the option to remove it, rather than have a sculpted helmet head.
As for weapons, the Ferret Scout gets by with two automatic pistols and a combat knife. The combat knife is small and cast all in black plastic. It’s nothing special, but a nice addition, since the Valks didn’t come with one. No doubt useful for taking care of any JOE that jumps onto the Ferret, by stabbing them in the neck with it. Yeah, I went dark with that one! The pistols are the same pair that came with the Valks, with one worn in a cross-draw holster on the left hip and the other on the right thigh rig. These are also cast all in black and have sockets in the barrels for blast effect parts, although none are included with this set.
I really love this figure, which should come as no surprise, as I was a big fan of the Valks. The recolor and rework done here makes her stand out on her own and I think the overall design works wonderfully for a dedicated Ferret driver that we never got in the original RAH series. A rifle and some blast effect parts would have been cool, but I can always dig into my copious box of Classified accessories if I need to kit them out a bit more. Now, let’s move onto the Ferret itself!
As we’ve seen time and again, the Classified version takes the original RAH design and updates it for scale and maybe just a little bit of realism. The coloring remains blue and black with red trim and all the design beats are still here, from the side mounted rockets to the pivoting front guns, and the large side-mounted cannon. This new version feels a more chonky and durable, as it no longer has an exposed engine compartment where you could see through to the other side. You do, however, get some exposed sections of the engine, which are painted over in silver. There’s a ton of tampo’d lettering on this thing, many of which are lifted directly from the original toy, like the X02 under the steering column or the Caution Exhaust on the rear pipes. Even the tires are branded!
The front of the vehicle has a non-working winch, protected by a cage, the steering wheel has a detailed instrument panel and can turn, but it is not connected to the front wheels. You do, however, get working independent suspension in each wheel, which is very cool. The side rockets, originally called COM-BAT laser-seeking rockets, have the same weird double sided design, which I never really understood, and this new version looks even more confusing. Either way, these simply peg into the launch carrier and I’d nitpick about not getting a launch effect piece, but when the rocket has two nosecone and no exhaust, where would you even plug it in? I will say that the rockets are kind of rubbery, which is a bit disappointing.
The side cannon pegs into a clip, which in turn clips onto the cage, allowing you to mount it on either side of the vehicle. It also allows it to be easily removed for a figure to fire it when it’s off the vehicle. The system of attachment allows it to raise and lower as well as pivot. I’m thankful that you can remove the cannon by the peg attachment, because constantly removing and attaching that clip will probably cause stress to the plastic, so I don’t want to do that. .
Despite coming with just the one driver, the Ferret was always designed to carry two figures, and this one is no different. The gun hands do a good job grabbing the handlebars. I did find the leg placement a little awkward, but you can definitely make it work, and there’s no trouble getting a second figure on the back.
Of course, I always had my Crimson Twins riding the Ferret together when I was a kid! The Ferret was released at about the same time as the Tomax and Xamot set and it was colored to match their outfits, so I always assumed it was intended as their unofficial vehicle. I’m pretty sure I got the twins and the Ferret pretty close to each other and it was theirs from that moment on.
The Ferret sold for $55, placing it right in line with the Trouble Bubble and Televiper bundle, a set that I have yet to review here and I really need to remedy that! I’ve seen some complaints over the price, but with a bundled figure, I don’t think it’s that bad, although I did limit myself to just two, whereas I really wanted to pick up three. I guess I do have a little bit of willpower left. Either way, the Ferret sold out pretty quickly, and it seems to be going for around $80 to $100 on the second hand market. I haven’t seen anything from Hasbro about planning a restock, but Hasbro really needs to get on that, because I’d now that I’ve played around with it, I’d probably pick up a third. As I mentioned earlier, the mold has been recycled into the Target Exclusive GI JOE Tiger Paw. I generally skip the Tiger Force stuff, but I did break down and preorder that one, so maybe I spoke too soon about that willpower. And yeah, that one seems to have sold out too.
If you know me, you know that I wasn’t a fan of Ninjas taking over my GI JOE. But Ninjas were all the rage in the late 80s and into the 90s, and I was already getting out of GI JOE by the time of the invasion, so it wasn’t that big a deal to me. Of course, for a while Storm Shadow was the only token Ninja and I didn’t mind that. Indeed, I thought he was pretty damn cool in the cartoon and since I always regarded Snake Eyes as a Commando and not a Ninja (FIGHT ME!), Storm Shadow was a unique force to be reckoned with when playing with my figures. So let’s head back into Wave 3 of GI JOE Ultimates and check out Cobra’s specialty assassin!
In the third wave we were still getting the top slipcover as part of the packaging, but the box itself loses that metallic glossy finish from the earlier waves in exchange for a dull matte. The deco is done in a striking blue camo pattern with some weathering effect to simulate paint rubbing off steel and a bold crimson Cobra emblem front and center. The back panel has some shots of Storm Shadow from the cartoon and a little bio blurb. This is still a very nice presentation and it’s collector friendly too! But, the running changes here have convinced me to not keep the boxes for these figures. And my closets rejoiced!
Out of the box, Storm Shadow is a damn fine representation of what we got in the Sunbow cartoon. He’s dressed all in white, including white forearm bindings on his otherwise bare arms. He’s got a super crisp Cobra emblem stamped on the left side of his chest and black waist belt and black shoulder strap with an ornate silver buckle. The only thing about the costume here that I’ll nitpick is I think the tops of the sleeve cutouts should be flared out just a little more to hang over the tops of his shoulders. The shoulder strap secures the panoply of weapon storage on his back. This includes a quiver with three arrows, scabbards for his two swords, and his bow, which is secured around the quiver by the string. It doesn’t look like this gear is designed to come off, and I’m not going to risk trying, but it would have been nice to make it easily removable.
There are two silver shuriken sculpted into his belt and room to insert one of the three loose shuriken that come with the figure. I really love how they did this, as he was usually depicted with the shuriken tucked in there, but being able to have one removable is a nice little touch.
The head sculpt is about as simple as things get, and yet still a great recreation of his animated counterpart. The mask is all but featureless and cast in beautiful, pure white, just like the rest of the outfit. The cut out for the eyes shows some crisp printed facial features.
You also get an alternate head with a scuba mask. This was featured in the episode Excalibur in which Storm Shadow’s Rattler was shot down, forcing him to ditch it in a lake in Great Britain. He ejected underwater only to find the Lady of the Lake at the bottom and the legendary blade, Excalibur. Because that was just the sort of thing that could happen in any given episode of the GI JOE cartoon! Hell, it probably doesn’t even make the Top 20 of the Craziest Shit That Happened in GI JOE list. The head is a pretty cool option with a clear plastic shield over his face and a little breathing cylinder under the chin. Will I ever display the figure with it? Nope!
Articulation in this line has been a sticking point with many collectors, although I usually don’t mind the limitations. I did, however, expect to be really bothered about it with Storm Shadow, and in the end I both was and wasn’t. On the one hand, he’s a Ninja so the lack of superb agility is troublesome. On the other hand, I was pretty happy with some of the poses I was able to get him in. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t have liked to see more range of motion in his arms at least, but I was still able to have a lot of fun with him. He comes with a lot of hands, including fists, chopping hands, a left hand for holding the bow and a right hand for knocking the arrow, gesturing hands, a left hand for holding a shuriken, and a pair of accessory gripping hands.
You also get a swap out right forearm, which has his wrappings partially removed to reveal his Arashikage tattoo. It’s a cool bonus, but I never really associated that tatt with his cartoon version. I’m also a little embarrassed to admit that I thought I got cheated out of his right accessory gripping hand, before realizing it was attached to this forearm! D’oh!
As an assassin, it’s only fair that Storm Shadow comes with a lot of weapons to do his job! Many of these are updates to the gear from the original Real American Hero figure, while others are added from the cartoon. Starting small, we already saw the shuriken, and those are followed up by a tanto knife. The shuriken specific left hand works really well to hold them, but if you want him to hold them in his right hand, the arrow knocking hand works well for that too by tucking it between the fingers. The tanto has a black hilt and silver painted blade. It looks great, but there’s nowhere for him to store it on his person when not wielding it.
The bow is cast in black plastic and has an actual string, which is a huge win in my book. I absolutely hate when these action figure bows get useless, chonky plastic “strings.” There are three pale gray arrows, which can all be stored in his quiver, and I was pleased that even with the limited range of motion in those elbows, I was still able to get him to knock the arrow and prepare to fire.
His twin swords match the tanto, with black hilts and silver painted blades. These fit very well in the scabbards on his back and he looks great wielding them!
And you can’t have Storm Shadow without a pair of nun-chucks. These are extremely cool in that they have an actual metal chain connecting them. Some loops on his belt to hold these would have been helpful, but if we’re going by cartoon accuracy, I think these pretty much just appeared out of thin air when he needed them.
Next up, you get a blue sniper rifle. I’m sure this was referenced in the cartoon or comic, but I can’t remember the specific instance. This is the one accessory where his articulation really lets me down, because he can’t really hold it like he’s going to fire it. I can’t say I was planning on displaying him with it anyway. The sculpt is pretty nice, but the bright blue is kind of weird.
And finally, Storm Shadow comes with Excalibur, from the previously mentioned titular episode. It’s a really nice recreation of the sword from the cartoon with a gold and bejeweled hilt and a sort of glowy pale blue blade. In the episode, Storm Shadow found that the sword cut through anything and even made a cool lightsaber sound when he swung it. Destro determined that the sword was invincible and wanted it for himself so badly, that he tried to kill Storm Shadow with a rocket launcher, but sneezed and missed. I’m not lying about any of this… watch the damn episode!
There’s no doubt that Classified Storm Shadow is the better Ninja figure when it comes to crazy poses, and it’s occurred to me that I still have to get around to showcasing that figure here. Maybe when I do, I’ll do a comparison. But, all in all, I was still really pleased with how much fun this guy turned out. His weapons are all well thought out, and he can carry several, albeit not all of them. But it’s the pitch-perfect cartoon aesthetic that really sells this figure to me, and I was happy with how well he could interact with most of his accessories, especially the bow. He’s a great addition to my Sunbow Cobra shelf! One Ninja is fine, but I’m prepared to leave it at that!
So, where am I with GI JOEUltimates? Well, I’ve checked out all of Waves 1 and 2 here, and dipped into Wave 3 with Scarlett. I was going to finish Wave 3, but let’s go nuts, jump ahead to Wave 4, and check out everyone’s favorite gumbo-slurping jarhead, Gung-Ho! I was only 11yo when the original RAH version of Gung-Ho came out. I’m pretty sure I got him for Christmas along with the Dragonfly, because I remember constantly having him hanging off the landing skids as Wild Bill flew him into battle. I really liked his figure a lot, and constantly had him casting off his grenade launcher and punching out Cobra’s left and right. I was also a big fan of him in the Sunbow cartoon because he was tough but kind of a goof. Needless to say, I was glad to see him land in Wave 4 and I’m excited to check him out!
Super7’s packaging for this line has been suffering a death by a thousand cost-cuts. Originally, they came in brown cardboard mailers and with illustrated camo sleeves over the window box, but now both of those have been nixed. Also, the boxes themselves are now matte and no longer have that plastic sheen. It’s kind of a shame, but then these running changes convinced me to dump the packages for this line, so at least I have more space as a result. In fairness, the presentation still looks solid, you still get some nice character art and a bio blurb on the back panel, and the window shows off the figure and all the extras really well.
And here he is out of the box and looking like he jumped off a Sunbow animation cell. From the waist down, he’s got his trademark blue and green camo trousers with high laced boots, and a pouch sculpted to his right thigh. From the waist up, he’s bare armed, bare chested and wearing only a blue vest to match his trousers. The vest is cast in soft plastic and actually worn by the figure, which looks great. It looks like it would be not a big problem to get it off, but I’m content to not try. And of course, we get his chest tattoo printed onto his already intimidating physique.
You get three heads to choose from, including a neutral expression and a smiling expression, both with his green Marine cap as part of the sculpt. The first really nails his look in the cartoon wonderfully. The second head is pretty cheesy, but in a charming sort of way. We’re back to the fully painted skin tone and the facial features are sharp.
The third head features a shouting expression and comes without his hat and with a headband in its place, and I can’t for the life of me remember what episode of the cartoon or issue of the comic this look is based on. Hopefully someone will help me out on that. I do tend to watch an episode of the GI JOE cartoon almost every week, but there are a handful of episodes I will watch over and over and obviously, the episode this head appeared in isn’t one of them. Either way, it’s a great sculpt, but I would have rather had the shouty head with his regular hat on.
There are no surprises in the articulation, as it sticks close to what we’ve been seeing for most of the guys, for better and for worse. As usual, all the points are there, but you don’t get those double-hinges in the knees and ankles like you do with Classified. I was curious to see how the ab crunch hinge would look on his bare upper body, and with the vest concealing most of it, it looks just fine. I had no issues with any of the joints on my figure, with nothing stuck or too loose. Naturally, you get a bunch of hands, which include fists, relaxed hands, a right gun-holding hand, and a pair of green gloved hands. Sadly, he does not come with a hand to thumb his nose at Cobra Commander, but even if he did, I’m not sure the articulation would have allowed it.
Moving on to his gear, Gung-Ho comes with a large backpack, modeled after the one that came with his original figure and it’s even colored in a blue-green finish to match the original accessory, rather than match the more cartoon accurate fatigues. The securing straps and configuration of the side pockets match the original accessory and the folding entrenching tool is present on the lower, back pouch but here it’s actually painted in silver and brown. Like all the previous backpacks we’ve seen in this line, this one is actually worn by the figure with shoulder straps, and I dig that so much more than it just pegging into a hole in the back.
Also referencing the original figure is his grenade launcher, and it is a pretty faithful update to that weapon. It’s cast all in black plastic, has a soft plastic carry strap, and a ribbed fore grip. I don’t recall him ever really having this in the cartoon, but it certainly was his trademark weapon when it came to the figures, and my Gung-Ho blew the piss out of a lot of Cobra troopers with it!
If you want to arm him with something more traditional, he also comes with the M16 style rifle, and yes we’ve seen this same accessory packed in with Scarlett. It’s a great looking weapon, despite being a little warpy in the barrel. At the same time, it feels a little out of place with the cartoon aesthetic, and I would have rather had another one of the laser rifles instead, or in addition to.
Finally, you get a pair of episode specific accessories from the cartoon. The first comes from the original Miniseries, and it’s the little toy Wolverine tank, which Gung Ho picked up and started playing with while the JOEs were trying to fool cobra into thinking they were surrendering by filming a miniature scale diorama. I’m really glad they included this, because that’s just such a fantastic scene! The cartoon definitely had a tendency to go too goofy, but this was a case where I think it was just the perfect level of goofiness.
Next is a big crystal, which I’m thinking is supposed to be one of Cobra’s explosive crystals from Captives of Cobra, where Cobra brainwashed a bunch of the JOEs families and Gung-Ho had to drive the explosive crystals to a safe place without them blowing up. I’m also thinking that the gloved hands were made for handling the crystal, as they seem to be sculpted to cradle it.
And that’s our lovable jarhead from the bayou. I think this figure came out great and he looks amazing displayed with the rest of the Super7 JOEs. My only real nitpick is that I wish the shouting head had his regular hat sculpted on it, because I don’t have much use for the one with the headband. And yeah, I would have liked the standard issue JOE laser rifle, even though the M16 is pretty cool. Honestly, Gung-Ho’s load out felt like it could have used a third weapon anyway. I think this wave was part of Super7’s attempt to push collectors to go all in on the wave in order to get a bonus accessory pack, so maybe that’s part of it. Still, I’m really happy to add Gung-Ho to the Ultimates shelf! And since I jumped ahead to Wave 4 for today’s review, I’ll have to backtrack to Wave 3 next week!
So many great Classified figures have been pouring in and I’m so woefully far behind. I could probably review a different Classified figure every day for the next two weeks and still not be close to current. And with so many awesome figures waiting their turn, I decided to just randomly grab one off the stack of recent arrivals. And the winner is Quick Kick!
And we are officially back to window boxes! Now, I didn’t totally hate the enclosed boxes and the cardboard foot lockers were kind of neat. But, I will not miss having to go through those tissue baggies with a magnifying glass to make sure I’m not throwing out an accessory. Here we get everything laid out in the tray, a great look at the actual figure, and even some fantastic character art too! I’m pretty torn on Quick Kick as a character. Some of that comes from me preferring the shooty side to GI JOE as opposed to the Ninjas and Kung Fu stuff. But with Quick Kick, I was just not a big fan of how the Sunbow cartoon treated his character as a wisecracking actor obsessed with old movies and doing bad impressions. It’s especially unfortunate when you consider how interesting the figure’s File Card was regarding his mixed heritage being the inspiration for his martial arts training. It’s also worth noting that 1985 was an absolute banger year for JOE figures and Quick Kick kind of got pushed down on my want list, buried by a lot of other figures. But I got him eventually and I definitely had fun with him, giving him a very different personality than the cartoon version. So, let’s see how the Classified version turned out…
As has been the trend lately, Quick Kick sticks pretty close to the original RAH figure, which itself wasn’t too far off from what we saw on the cartoon. Quick Kick’s uniform consists entirely of a pair of black martial arts pants with some gray printing on the sides, a gray belt with some sculpted pouches, two gray wrist cuffs, and a shuriken-studded red baldric. He’s showing more skin than any JOE so far with some wonderfully sculpted muscles in the upper body and newly sculpted bare feet. The printed pattern on the gray side panels of his pants is crisp and you get a little silver paint for the belt buckle. The baldric is the biggest departure here, as both the RAH figure and the cartoon design had it running straight down from his left shoulder and into his pants. Here it runs across his chest and back and under his right arm. I think this design makes more sense, especially since it’s actually worn by the figure and not just part of the body sculpt. There’s some stitching sculpted into the sides, and I really love how the shuriken are sculpted to look like they are tucked into pockets, rather than just stuck on magically.
You get two head sculpts to choose from, the first being a neutral expression, and I really like what they did with it. There’s a lot of personality in this portrait. It leans into the cartoon likeness a bit, but still manages to be its own thing. The hair is sculpted separately from the head with his head band included as part of it. There’s a little slop between the hair strands and the white band, but you have to get in pretty close to see it.
The second head is good too, but I would have much rather had something close to the artwork on the box over this one. He’s got one eye brow arched a bit more than the other and his lips are kind of pursed like he’s about to whistle. “You know how to whistle, don’t you Quick Kick? You just put your lips together and blow.” Yeah, I’m not sure they were going for the Humphrey Bogart reference. It kind of looks like he’s out shopping for a car and the dealer just told him the price and it’s a lot more than he was hoping for. Or maybe he just hit his pinkie toe on the coffee table and he’s waiting to feel it.
The articulation in this line has been consistently great and that’s certainly the case with Quick Kick. He features the usual double hinges in the elbows and knees, swivels in the biceps and thighs, hinged pegs for the wrists, along with hinges and lateral rockers in the ankles. You get a swivel in the waist and the ab crunch hinge isn’t terribly jarring to look at despite his bare upper body. The neck is ball jointed both top and bottom and you get the lateral crunches in the shoulders, along with the regular rotating hinges, and the hips are ball jointed. He is super fun to play with and even has a very nice balance. Quick Kick comes with three sets of hands: Fists, karate chop hands, and accessory holding hands.
The RAH figure came with a black backpack that you could stick his sword through, but here it’s been recolored to red to match the baldric, and it comes with two slots for swords, because Classified Quick Kick has double the sword count! The swords are twins and have some great sculpted detail on the pommels and grips. The blades are painted silver and have slightly curved blades and narrow fullers.
He also has four loops on the back of his belt to hold two sets of nunchucks. It works well and reminds me of a Michelangelo figure from Playmates TMNT line. The chucks themselves have pommels and grips that match the swords, and I thought that was a cool little touch. The chains are plastic, and while that’s not usually ideal, the plastic is very pliable and doesn’t look like it’ll suffer from stress marks are breakage. They pose well and I’m happy with the way these turned out.
Two final accessories include a thrown shuriken effect piece and a Fudgie Bar. The first is cast in translucent blue plastic with the shuriken itself painted silver. I like what they were going for here, but I don’t think the effect works all that well. At least, to me it doesn’t really look like he’s throwing it, but your mileage may vary. The partially unwrapped Fudgie Bar is really well done and they even sculpted the little breakaway cubes that make up the candy bar. It’s interesting that Hasbro is now throwing cartoon specific accessories in with Classified, as that’s been Super7’s wheelhouse, but it’s fun that they did.
Yes, Quick Kick was pretty far down my list of anticipated figures, but I think it’s a credit to how great the line is that I was always going to buy him anyway. And I am sure glad he did, because he turned out great. The minor changes made to his design work really well and the fact that he has places to store both sets of weapons is a big plus in my book. And he’s already got his buddy Bazooka here, plus Hasbro just dropped a preorder for Alpine, so he’s going to be in great company on my shelf!
I am doubling down my commitment to get current on Super7 GI JOEUltimates, because I am seriously behind! And yes, doubling down means I’ll be doubling up on some of these figures to get caught up a little faster. Today I’ll be trekking back to the second wave, and since I’ve already looked at Flint and Lady Jaye, let’s have a look at the other half: Destro and The Baroness! Buckle up and try to pace yourself, this will be a long ride with over 70 pictures!
We’ve seen the packaging before and know exactly what to expect. The figures come in window boxes with sleeves over the top and these look fantastic. There’s a high gloss blue camo deco with a bold crimson Cobra emblem emblazoned on the fronts and everything is finished off with a deco that looks like the metal with paint that has been scraped off in areas down to the bare metal. Lift off the top and you get a good look at the figure and accessories through the window, and there are bio blurbs on the back panel with some character art from the Sunbow cartoon! Everything is collector friendly, but as good as these boxes look, I don’t have the space to keep them, so they are getting recycled. Let’s start with The Baroness!
This figure is designed to work based on the Marvel comic book or Sunbow cartoon. Obviously, The Baroness has had different costumes over the years, but in this case the blue and yellow suit references the original Sunbow Miniseries or her early comic appearances. Now, it’s probably been ten years since I read any of those comics, but I will say I liked this look for her in the cartoon even though it was short lived. The coloring here is really gorgeous with the blue and bright yellow playing off each other beautifully, plus the black of the boots and gauntlets and the pale blue stripes running down the legs. Other than a seam running down the center of the body suit and some rumples on the boots and gloves, the only other real sculpted detail is the quilting on the belt, collar, and shoulder straps. Yes, it’s a very simple look but it’s faithful to the toon appearance. The holster was worn by Baroness in the comic and it can be removed for more of a Sunbow look, but doing so leaves a hole in the leg. Fortunately, I dig the holster, so I’ll be leaving it on.
You get a whopping four heads to choose from. The first two have the green tinted glasses, with one being a neutral expression and the other with furled eyebrows and a smirk. I really like both of these and it’s a toss up as to which one I’ll go with the most. I think the neutral face looks slightly better, but the smirk gives her more personality. Yeah, this figure makes use of the flesh toned plastic as opposed to painted face. Personally, I think it looks fine on its own, but there’s definitely a disparity when displayed next to Duke from the first wave. The hair sculpt is good, but sadly it renders the neck articulation all but null and void.
The third head is a comic based portrait and I don’t like it as much as either of the previous two. It’s the glasses that are a mixed bag. The lenses just look too big. Not terrible, but not the look I’d be going for with display. The hair here has the same hindering effect on the neck articulation, but it does add some blue highlights, perhaps to evoke the comic book coloring. Either way, this one is not for me.
And finally, we get the gasmask head, which Super 7 states is a comic book reference, but damn it looks like it would fit right in with the Sunbow aesthetic too. This creepy pale gray mask has a pair of blue painted eye lenses, a filter off to one side, and a tube that runs down to an O2 tank that she can wear on the back, secured by a shoulder strap. It’s all sculpted as one piece and it looks awesome!
I’ve looked at enough Ultimates figures so I won’t run through all the articulation. As usual, what we get follows the formula of emphasizing clean cartoon aesthetics at the expense of posability. At this point you either accept it or move on. I’ve gone on record saying I mostly don’t mind what we get here, although I would have liked more range in the elbows. The joints on my figure all feel smooth and solid, and I’m surprised at how reasonably balanced she is despite having those high heels. The ab crunch hinge we get on most of the men is replaced here with a ball joint under her chest. Of course, you get a ton of hands, which include fists and plenty to work with the accessories. With that having been said, I would have liked a pair of relaxed hands or karate chop hands, but neither are included.
As with most GI JOE Ultimates, you get a lot of accessories, and it’s a pretty varied mix of extras inspired by the cartoon, comic book, and original toy. Starting off with the weapons, you get a dagger and a pistol. The pistol can be stored in the holster as well as wielded in either left or right hand. It’s a simple cartoony looking sculpt cast in dark gray plastic. The dagger is a stout straight blade and a grooved grip all painted in silver.
Next up is a laser rifle, which is supposedly inspired by the weapon released with the original RAH version of The Baroness. There are some similarities, but it’s not a great likeness. It does have the skeletal stock and a magazine, but the top just has a rail and is missing the scope from the RAH weapon. I’m not saying this is a bad looking rifle, I like it a lot, but it’s a pretty loose take on the original. It may have been better if S7 had not noted it’s inspiration in the solicitation info. There is a soft rubber carry strap included, which pegs in at the stock and base of the foregrip, but I can’t get it to peg in to the front properly so I just cast it aside.
The final weapon is based on the cartoon and I love this one. It has that lovely laser sub-machine gun design that was all over the Sunbow aesthetic. It’s cast in the same dark gray plastic as the pistol, has a very simple toony sculpt, and this one does have a scope mounted on top.
The final two accessories are comic based, so offhand I’m not really familiar with their context. The first is called a cameragun and I dig this one a lot. It looks like something that could have easily shown up in the cartoon. What does it do? Don’t know! But I’ll concoct some crazy Cobra scheme for it in my head. The other accessory is a tiny white syringe and I can’t show it to you since it’s disappeared… because, well it’s tiny. Crazy enough one of the hands is specifically made to hold the syringe, so I’m not sure why they didn’t just sculpt it as part of the hand. But I’ll claim responsibility for losing it and we’ll move on.
I really like how Super7 cast a wide net over this one to appeal to cartoon and comics fans, especially since this look was short-lived in the cartoon so there weren’t nearly enough cartoon-inspired extras that could be included. I’m sure a lot of collectors would have rather S7 went straight to the more iconic black-suited Baroness, but I’m really happy that we got this one as well. I watched the hell out of that first Miniseries, so for a long time this was my Baroness and I remember desperately wanting a figure of this design. OK, let’s move on to Destro!
Unlike The Baroness, Destro has had the same iconic look through the cartoon’s run and he didn’t look that much different from the RAH figure, either. And boy does he have a unique fashion sense! He has his black jumpsuit with ostentatious, red lapel-collar thing that plunges all the way down to his belt buckle, leaving his manly muffiny McCullen chest exposed. The amulet is sculpted as part of the body so it does stay put. His boots and belt are matte gray and he has a rather stylized M on the buckle. His gauntlets and arm bracers are painted in a beautifully premium metallic silver finish, as is his masked head. Two red straps encircle his right thigh, presumably to attach a non-existent holster. I gotta say all the sculpted muscles on his back are well done as well. This is a great looking Sunbow-styled figure!
Destro does come with weapons options for both of his gauntlets. You can go with rockets on both, or follow the RAH figure and place rockets on his right arm and a brace of grenades on his left. These are cast on soft plastic frames that clip onto the arm bracers. I don’t recall him having these all that often in the cartoon, so it’s nice to have the option to go without. But, I do remember him firing them off in the episode Skeletons in the Closet. We’ll see a few accessories from that episode, which explored Destro’s family heritage and was also remarkable for having Lady Jaye running around in a torn nightgown for at least half of it. Oh, and also nearly getting sacrificed to a Lovecraftian Eldar God. YO JOE!!!
There are no less than four heads to choose from, but only three are really practical. You get neutral expression, angry expression, and laughing expression. All of these are great, and if you’re wondering how a metal mask can make all these expressions, just remember that it’s a cartoon with a lot more inexplicable stuff going on in it than Destro’s mask. I really dig the black eyes with green pupils, which was so distinctive in the cartoon and like the gauntlets, the silver paint used on these heads is beautiful. I’ll likely go with either of the first two for regular display.
The fourth head is from covered in molten lava, recreating a scene from the second episode of The Pyramids of Darkness Miniseries. It’s more of a joke reference than a useful extra, because who is going to display the figure with this? And while we’re touching on this reference, they also included the hand sander that he used to get rid of the lava in the same scene. Yeah, I kind of get what they were going for here, but I feel like it’s just tossing in accessories as a reference, rather than something most collectors are ever going to display. It’s fun to have a laugh and say, “I remember that!” as you take it out of the tray, try it out and then forget about it forever. I would much rather have had a black briefcase as a reference to the RAH figure than this head and sander.
Destro’s articulation is smooth and works well with the usual points in the arms and legs. While most of the guys in this line get ab crunch hinges, Destro gets just a ball joint in the waist so as not to break up the sculpting on his chest, and I believe that was a good idea. He’s extremely well balanced, thanks to his big chonky boots, and of course you get a lot of hands to work with his accessories, as well as a pair of fists.
Destro is a weapons dealer so he definitely needs to come with some weapons! Let’s start with a couple of pistols. The first is a fairly realistic looking automatic pistol, which is absolutely huge, almost to a point of looking silly. I don’t know where S7 pulled this design from, but it’s too oversized and generic to be much use to me. The second has more of a sci-fi element to it. It’s very simple and while I don’t recognize it, it looks like it could be based on a Sunbow design. Both are cast in dark gray plastic and neither of these are all that impressive.
He comes with a third pistol, which is taken directly from the previously mentioned episode, Skeletons in the Closet. He uses this to fire at Lady Jaye and Flint while they’re escaping. I dig the design on this one, it’s very much in line with the cartoon aesthetic, and this is the one I will likely display him with.
Moving on to the heavier artillery, you get a missile launcher and missile. The launcher is just a big black tube, which looks like it’s designed to telescope for easier carry. There’s a fin on the top and a handle and trigger on the bottom. The missile is dark purple with a black warhead and it will slide all the way inside the launcher tube, but I like to have it peeking out the front a bit so you know it’s there.
The final weapon is the Molecular Reducer and Enlarger, which isn’t really a weapon, it’s just a gun that fires a beam that, well… does exactly what the name says. Cobra used it to shrink down its forces and sneak them into GI JOE HQ inside toys that were meant to be Christmas presents for a Toys For Tots program and yes, that’s all something that really happened in the episode Cobra CLAWS Are Coming To Town.
Moving away from the weapons, Destro comes with a pair of binoculars, which are pretty lame. It’s just a blue box with lighter blue paint on the front and back lenses. Totally forgettable. On the plus side, he also has the joystick controller he used to make the gladiators fight in The Arena of Sport, seen in the very first Miniseries. I love this thing! It’s clearly designed to look like an Atari 2600 joystick and it has some nice paint apps on the red button and top ball of the stick, as well as some paint to reflect the glowing panels on the sides. The hands provided work really well with it.
The final accessory is again drawn from Skeletons in the Closet and it’s the iron mask that they made Destro’s ancestor wear after he was found guilty of witchcraft. It’s a really nice recreation of the cartoon version, and while he never actually wore it in the cartoon, you can put it on the figure. I think this would look great mounted on the wall of a diorama of Destro’s office or even just sitting on a desk.
As a figure, I think Destro turned out great. As for the selection of accessories? Well, there’s a few real bangers in here, but then some of it feels rather useless. The joystick is fun, the mask is great, and I love how they did his arm weapons. I dig the one Sunbow gun and the Molecular Reducer too. But stuff like the lava head and hand sander are just joke references that don’t really add much value to the package. Also, two of the pistols and the binoculars are just kind of lame and forgettable. I feel like his briefcase and maybe a rifle would have been better. Or how about three canisters of rare elements for The MASS Device or a component from The Weather Dominator?
It’s a pretty good gauge of how much I liked figures when I can’t stop taking pictures of them, and that was certainly the case here. These are tons of fun to play with, and finally getting Sunbow stylized GI JOE figures like these is like a dream come true. And while this review definitely went long, I think it was worth it, because now that I’m completely through Waves 1 and 2, I can work on knocking out the rest of Wave 3, and get myself current to 4, all hopefully before Wave 5 comes out. Obviously, Destro and Baroness were heavy hitters to add to this collection, although Baroness has since been updated to her black outfit in the most recent wave. And while I had issues with some of the accessory choices included with Destro, I think both of these figures turned out great! As for moving forward, I may tackle some of the next figures solo, or double up some from different waves. But, I also need to keep chipping away at GI JOE Classified. So many great GI JOE toys to enjoy and so little time! Either way, I expect to get back to this line at some point next week!
Well, we all knew this was coming! When the HasLab HISS arrived I had fun speculating over that little tow hitch on the back and how long it would be before we got something to tow around with it. And here we are less than six months later and Hasbro delivered with the Cobra HMS! This mobile missile system is based off of the 1985 Sears Exclusive mobile missile platform that was towed by a red HISS. Of course, that toy in turn was a repaint of the original 1982 Mobile Missile System, which was part of GI JOE’s arsenal and towed around by the VAMP. But, the direct lineage can be traced back to the 2009 Rise of Cobra release of the Heetseek Missile System, a repaint and retool of the previously mentioned toys. I never owned Cobra’s version of this weapon system, and I was eager to make my HasLab HISS even more formidable, so picking up this one was a no-brainer for me!
The HMS comes in a box designed to match the one used for the Classified HISS with more of that bitchin red and black deco that makes it look like you’re viewing the art through a Virtual Gameboy screen, only without the crippling headaches and nausea. In addition to the weapon platform you also get a Techno-Viper repainted to match the deco of the figures that make up the HISS support teams, which reminds me I still need to review that HISS Fire Team set! And speaking of things I haven’t reviewed yet, I’m in a sticky situation here, because I have yet to check out the regular release Classified Techno-Viper here, and I don’t usually like to review repaints before the originals, but I’m going to have to let that slide here. So, I’ll just be treating the Techno-Viper like a brand new figure, and I’ll do comparisons when I get around to looking at the single boxed release. So, let’s start with the figure!
The original RAH Techno-Viper was released in 1988. I was a few years out of JOEs by then and he wasn’t in the cartoon, so I didn’t know these guys even existed until I returned to GI JOE as an adult collector. And that’s a shame, because I love the concept behind these fellas. These are fully combat-trained Vipers, capable of fighting their way through the battle lines to ask if you if you’ve tried turning off your weapons platform and turning it back on again. I kid, but it makes perfect sense to have these guys capable of on-site repairs of everything from HISS Tanks to Weather Dominators. And of course, I’m sure this guy is well versed in HEETSEEK Missile Systems. This is a straight repaint of the single release and I think he looks great in the gray, black, and red color scheme Classified has adopted for the HISS crew, particularly with the silver hoses and trim.
And oh boy do I love this helmet design! It’s got a little bit of Stormtrooper-Cylon vibe going on, but manages to be all its own thing at the same time. I dig how deep set the eye lenses are in the mask and the way the helmet and mask are all layered. It looks like the visor piece is designed to be removed and it all adds a lot of depth and credibility to the head sculpt.
The backpack is quite similar to the original RAH design. It has a pair of red tanks up top, containing who knows what. The lower half is designed to hold three repair tools, which simply slot in. There’s a grab bar on the bottom, which can also be used to secure the rifle by the handle, although I don’t think that’s intentional, rather just a place you can tuck it. The included hose can be attached to either of the pegs on top of the tanks with the other end pegging into either the rifle or any of the other tools. Frankly, I don’t understand what’s going on with this system of tanks and hoses. Why could you possibly need to connect spanners to the same tank as a rifle, and what’s any of it for? Don’t know, but it looks cool!
The rifle is an interesting sci-fi design with a prominent scope and a skeletal stock. There’s a hole in the barrel to take a blast effect part, if you have some lying around, although I have no idea what it’s supposed to shoot. Lasers would be my guess. The hose could use a little more slack to work with as some poses with the rifle will cause the hose to come unplugged and that can’t be good, because I’m guessing it needs that to fire.
As for the spanners, there are two claw-like wrenches and a hammer. These are no doubt used for the fine, precision work needed to keep Cobra’s equipment running well. Banging things with a hammer usually works! They look like they would be equally useful for taking swings at JOEs.
The Techno-Viper also packs an automatic pistol. It’s an interesting design that looks plausible with just a bit of sci-fi flavor. The detail in the sculpt is excellent and it looks like it’s got some optics mounted below the barrel. And like the rifle, it has a socket in the barrel for blast effects. The sidearm has a home in the holster strapped to the Techno-Viper’s left leg.
And the final accessory is a holographic readout that plugs into either of his wrist computers. The piece is cast in translucent orange plastic and has some schematics and information sculpted into it. It reminds me a bit of the holographic images that The Four Horsemen have been releasing with their Cosmic Legions figures. It’s a neat idea and well implemented here. All in all, this is a great figure, but do I like it better than the regular release? Well, I’ll reserve judgement until I get to do a proper comparison. Hopefully in the near future. Now, onto the HEETSEEK Missile System…
Here is the HMS with the stabilizers down and ready to fire! The four legs lock into place and hold the platform with the wheels suspended off the ground. In addition to a lot of great sculpted detail, the HMS is absolutely littered with cool markings, stenciled warning labels and general information. The missile cradle can rotate 360-degrees and elevate to adjust the targeting range.
And holy crap, these missiles are absolutely huge! And yes, the curious spelling of HEETSEEK is pulled directly off of the vintage toy release. These red bringers of destruction have white lettering on the sides, along with a black Cobra emblem near the tip. The missiles tab onto the cradle and remain secure, but can be removed and hurled across the room at that approaching VAMP. There are sockets in the back of the missiles for effect parts, and I really wish some smoke trails were included with these as it would have added a lot more value to the set.
There is an access panel on the side of the platform that can be removed to access the programming and launching console. On the original toys, this was a remote pedestal with a cable that connected it to the platform. I guess it’s more convenient to have it integrated into the platform itself, but considering the price of the set, it would have been nice to get an optional remote console as well.
The hitch folds up into the platform, but still has the connection bar hanging out. It seems like there could have been a way to make this retract all the way and be more flush with the device, but at least they added a little articulation to it so it’s not just hanging on the ground for people to trip over, because than you have to get the OSHA-Vipers on the scene and nobody wants that. If you are buying this as a stand alone piece, it definitely works for play or display all by itself. But, the real draw here is getting it all hooked up to the HISS. Unfortunately I don’t have a backdrop or lighting rig for something this big so I’m going to have to shoot these pictures in the Classified Room under less than ideal conditions.
Oh, hell yeah! And if this doesn’t look like enough obscene overkill, I might remind you that Classified HISS has rocket pack saddlebags that I don’t have installed at the moment. With the stabilizer legs flipped up and the HMS hitched up, the missile platform rolls along on it’s two wheels and pairs perfectly with the High Speed Sentry. The matching colors make this look like a natural extension of the HISS rather than an Add On. And setting it up to fire beside the HISS with a full compliment of HISS Crew makes for a great display.
I’m extremely happy with this set! It takes an already epic toy like the Classified HISS and adds even more wow-factor to it. Plus, I just love the idea of getting a Techno-Viper dedicated to HISS and HMS maintenance. It really rounds out that crew nicely. Personally, I think it really needed some firing effect parts for the back of the missiles and a pedestal console certainly would have been nice. I’ve seen a fair amount of complaints about the price on this set, which retailed at $79.99, but I don’t think the asking price is all that out of line, when you consider the Trouble Bubble and Ferret both retailed at $59.99. As with those sets, you get a figure and with the huge missiles, this beast definitely involves a lot more plastic than those other small vehicles. Is it $20 more? Well, that’s up to you. I will say that if the price on this one is goosed a bit, I have to imagine it’s because it’s really an accessory for an expensive vehicle that is no longer on the market and fewer collectors will own. I mean, it does display just fine on it’s own, but you’d be missing out on the connectivity feature, at least until the inevitable release of the Cobra Stinger. The HMS is a Pulse Exclusive and at the time I’m publishing this it is still available for purchase.
As promised last week, I’m back to check out the second of Hasbro’s Classified Do-Over figures. First came Duke and now it’s Scarlett’s turn. It’s easy to forget that in the early days of Classified, Hasbro was tying the toyline to designs from the video game, Operation Blackout. Probably not a great idea, since the game really was a pile of ass and Classified has since proven that you don’t need a media tie-in to have a successful toy line. Especially when most of the people buying them are probably nostalgia-driven old bastards like me. Well, Duke was an absolute homerun, so let’s see how Scarlett turned out!
Here she is on her super sexy retro-style card with some absolutely bitchin’ character art exploding right in your face. As with Duke, the card stock is nice and thick, perfect for MOC collectors and the extended bubble allows for all of Scarlett’s accessories to be laid out around, with only a couple of the extras nested below. The back of the card has a huge multi-lingual file card and a classic “Collect-Them-All” spread of the three figures in this wave, the other two being Duke and Recondo. Alas, as great as this looks, it is not at all collector friendly, so it’s time to rip it open and get at our new recruit!
And like the new Duke, Scarlett is a complete return to her original RAH ’82 roots with a few modern polishes thrown in for good measure. Her uniform consists of the classic khaki one-piece with matching gloves and boots and a dark green underlying body suit showing through on her legs, arms, and around her neck. She has her shuriken sculpted onto her glove, a canister grenade (I think that was a round grenade on the original) sculpted on her left shoulder, and the red recoil pad on her right. She even has the hidden last-resort pistol sculpted on the inside of her left gauntlet. There are a few reinforced tailoring lines added here and there as well as a gold zipper(?) running up the side of her abs. She has a primary belt that’s sculpted as part of the figure and then a secondary belt worn by the figure with some sculpted and painted cartridges. They even added a peg to this belt to keep it in place! Her quiver is attached to her right leg with a high thigh strap, and this is the most obvious new addition to the design. She also has her knife and sheath on her left leg, something that was sculpted onto the original figure, but is now attached with the knife as a removable accessory. I think Hasbro did such a great job updating this uniform that the only thing I can nitpick are the boots. I would have liked to see the return of her high heels and, yeah, they were ridiculous and totally unpractical, so I’d guess most people will be happy to see her have flats.
I’ve thought long and hard about this portrait. I like it a lot. The original RAH Scarlett was not what I would call a handsome woman, and this one certainly remedies that. It draws a fine line between being pretty and yet still striking me as a serious woman of action. The printing on the eyes and eyebrows are perfect. The lips are painted well, but I think they may be a tad too big. Everything else is great, right down to the light peppering of freckles. The hair is sculpted separately and looks great with no flyaway bangs to get in the way of targeting Cobra. You even get two ponytails, one falling pretty straight and a second to work better with the backpack. The whole shebang is rounded out with a couple of small black earrings. Now, I really liked the first Classified Scarlett’s portrait. It was more youthful and definitely presented a different take on the character, but in the end, I think this one is a big improvement.
The backpack is a wonderfully complex sculpt with a ton of pouches, straps, rumples, and buckles. It would have been great to see some paint apps on here, but instead it’s cast in the same very pale olive plastic as her belts and quiver. The alternate ponytail works perfectly with the backpack as it’s designed to cascade down in a sort of S-pattern. The backpack stays pretty snug in her back and you get a little functionality with the two pegs on the sides to mount her rifles through the trigger guards.
The articulation here is fantastic and offers a well needed update to the arms. Here you get bicep swivels and double-hinged elbows replacing the rotating hinged elbows of the previous figure. Of course, the new Scarlett is also based on a pinless body, but everything else is more or less the same when it comes to posability. You also get one set of fists and a set of accessory holding hands.
Scarlett comes with an automatic pistol and the aforementioned combat knife. The knife is pretty standard fare and fits into the sheath. Despite her having two trigger-finger style hands, she can still hold it quite well. The pistol is an excellent sculpt and cast in the pale olive plastic. It has a hole in the barrel to take a blast effect part, although none are included. The pistol seems a tad big for her, and sadly there’s no holster for her to store it on her person. I found the trigger guard to be a little too small to risk pegging it to the backpack.
There are two rifles included: One Sunbow style XMLR-3A Laser Rifle and an AR-15 style rifle. The Sunbow rifle is always a welcome addition and it’s the same accessory that was included with Duke. I love this sculpt!
The AR-15 is also fantastic with a ton of detail, including a scope mounted on the carry bar and a removable magazine. Granted, this is not a weapon that I associate with Scarlett, but seeing as Super7 also included this type of rifle with their Ultimate Scarlett, I feel like I’m missing a connection here. But hey, I’m not complaining as this is one of the line’s best looking weapons and even if Scarlett won’t be arming herself with it much, it’ll likely get repurposed to another JOE.
Of course, Scarlett is best known for her trademark crossbow and that’s obviously included here, along with some bolts to stock her quiver. The crossbow is cast in black plastic, as are the bolts, and it’s a little more rifle-like than the RAH version, but I dig it a lot. The bolts do notch into the crossbow and you get a few different types to choose from. Sadly, there is no string on the crossbow, but maybe that’s for the best. I’d prefer no string to a chonky plastic one that warps easily and just looks wrong. I would have liked an option to peg the crossbow into her back instead of the backpack, but she’s just going to have to hold it.
Finally, you get a rectangular black figure stand with the GI JOE shooting star logo sculpted onto it. As I mentioned with Duke, I’m always happy to get these and it’s pretty close to the generic ones I use for my Classified figures, so it fits in pretty well.
To me, Scarlett is a near perfect Classified update to the Real American Hero figure and definitely the one I’ve been waiting for. She is absolutely going to be replacing the first issue Scarlett in my display. With that being said, I think Scarlett falls just slightly below the update we got with Duke. I feel bad for saying that because she is still an extraordinary figure but I think Duke just came out slightly ahead. I haven’t picked up Recondo yet because I have the Tiger Force version but I probably will eventually.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost four years since Classified began with Duke arriving as one of those first figures. Classified’s first take on Duke wasn’t quite what I was hoping for, but I was still pretty happy with him and even now I still think it’s a pretty cool and fun figure. But as the line continued and began to stick more closely with the traditional Real American Hero designs, I think we were all hoping and waiting for Duke (and Scarlett) to get more conservative do-overs. And rather than just produce regular new versions, Hasbro upped the ante and shipped them on some snazzy retro card backs!
Naturally, Duke isn’t the first figure to get this treatment. We’ve seen several Classified figures released on jumbo retro cards. It’s an undeniably beautiful presentation. The colorful character art is extraordinary, the figure comes in an elongated tray and bubble to show off all his extras, and the card stock is extremely sturdy, which will no doubt please MOC collectors. I got mine from Amazon and even they couldn’t damage the card! The back of the card has a giant multilingual File Card as well as a Collect-Them-All style spread showing Duke with Scarlett and Recondo, the other figures this wave. Alas, it’s not collector friendly and while I may grab a second to keep carded if they turn up on sale, this one is getting sliced open to get Hauser into action! I hope you wore your poncho, because I’m about to start gushing!
Because what we have here is one of the finest examples of Classified’s ability to take a classic RAH design, nudge it into modernity, and use the larger scale to pack in some lovely added detail. Retro Duke dons the same green trousers, high brown boots, and khaki button-down shirt as the vintage figure and it all looks superb! The sleeves are rolled up a little higher here, practically up to the elbows, there’s some more color to his belt, but all the familiar beats are present and accounted for. Naturally, some aspects of the original figure that were merely sculpted on are now fully fleshed out accessories, like the bandoleer strap, the holstered pistol on his right thigh, and the knife and sheath on his left boot. And we even get butterfly crunches in the shoulders in addition to the all the usual Classified articulation. In terms of the uniform and body sculpt, I honestly couldn’t have asked for anything more.
The portrait is another direct hit, as this is the epitome of Duke perfection. I really liked the head sculpt Hasbro did for the first Classified Duke, but this one is just leaps and bounds better. The chiseled jaw, the bold nose, the concrete brow, it all looks so damn good. Even the hair is surprisingly sharp and clean considering that it’s part of the head and not separately sculpted. If I were to do a Venn Diagram of RAH Duke, Sunbow Duke, and an ideal Modern Duke, I think this portrait would fall right in the middle of those connecting circles. Now, would I have liked a second smiling head or shouty head? Yes, absolutely. But considering how good this is, I’m not going to get greedy.
Like the RAH figure, this Duke also comes with a removable helmet. And while we’ve certainly seen some pretty detailed helmets in this line, Hasbro went with a pretty simple design as a nod back to the original figure. They did, however, add a clear visor that can be worn up or down and I probably could have done without this, as it strikes me more as a Flash helmet rather than a Duke helmet, but that’s OK. Maybe it was just Hasbro’s way of saying that Gambello is coming. Duke also comes with a pair of binoculars which he can wear around his neck, and these are very similar to the accessory included with the original RAH figure. They fit pretty well, but I prefer to tuck them under the bandoleer to keep them more flush with his chest.
The backpack is certainly a strong nod to the original, but with plenty of modern flourishes, like the twin canteens behind his shoulders and the extra pouches and straps. And yes, it’s a repaint of the same backpack issued with the first Classified Duke. The entrenching tool is still front and center, but this time it’s painted green to help it stand out better. The blade also has the GI JOE motto on printed on it, which really makes me smile. The pack plugs into the hole on the back of the figure and it stays put very well, which has not always been the case with Classified backpacks.
Duke comes with two sets of hands: Fists and a pair to hold his weapons and accessories. The lack of a flat, saluting hand is kind of conspicuously absent. Hey, I’m really trying to come up with some criticisms here!
The knife on his left boot can be removed from the sheath and it’s a beautiful little representation of a military KA-BAR style knife. The pommel is rather distinctive, as it’s a gold disk more reminiscent of a medieval dagger than the flattened butt cap of a military fighting knife, but pretty cool nonetheless. The segmented grip is brown and the dark gray blade has a small fuller near the back and a clipped point. The straps holding the sheath to the boot can ride up and down a bit and occasionally need adjusting.
The sidearm holstered on his right thigh is a modern style automatic pistol. It’s cast all in black with some excellent detail in the sculpt. There’s also a hole in the center of the barrel so it can make use of blast effect parts included with other Classified figures. Like the boot sheath, this holster is held on by two straps and it seems to stay in place really well.
As for bigger weapons, Duke comes with his traditional M-32 Pulverizer Submachine gun, and wow is this a great sculpt. The weapon is cast in green plastic, has an effect part hole in the barrel and a removable magazine.
And you get the Sunbow style XMLR-3A laser rifle, which is another absolute banger of a sculpt. The detail is so sharp and crisp, especially on the top rail and foregrip. The stick is black while the rest of the weapon is green. If Hasbro ever released a weapons pack with a bunch of these, I’d buy it in a heartbeat.
And finally, you get a figure stand! This is a black rectangle with two foot pegs and the GI JOE shooting star logo sculpted into it. This stand is extremely similar to the generic ones I buy for my Classified figures, only mine are missing the star emblem and have an extra footpeg.
If you can’t tell, I’m rather smitten with this figure and it probably goes without saying that I’ll be retiring my original Classified Duke. You served the shelf well for four years, and now you stand relieved, sir. Go buy a fishing boat and enjoy your retirement. Yes, Hasbro absolutely hit it out of the park with this figure and it really shows how far this line has come both in style and execution since the first days. What’s also great is Hasbro seems to have made this figure easy to get, as it’s been available through most major online toy retailers, and even now it’s still available on Amazon for the MSRP of $24.99. Can Retro Scarlett also be this good? Well, we’ll find out next week!
FigureFan Zero 